Hometown Glory
by EmisonPLL
Summary: Set 8 years after the girls have graduated high school. How will Emily deal with everything she's been through? Emison story
1. Chapter 1

This story is set 8 years after graduating high school. This is from Emily's POV, and will be unless stated otherwise. So enjoy!

I jolt awake and check my watch. 3 am. Shit. I've only gotten 2 hours of sleep. I look around the room, and to my surprise, I see everyone is sleeping. I slowly get up, making sure not to wake anyone, and start gathering my things I'll need for the day. This day is going to be long. Too long. I'll be able to go to my spot for a few more hours though, and for that I am grateful. As I trek my way through the tent, and to the building that I have claimed as my relaxation, I can't erase the feeling of being lost. I know where I'm going. I've walked this path everyday. For 7 years. I know that I'm not 100% anymore. I think only I know this. I hope that it doesn't show, I would have nothing left. I lost my family. My friends. I even managed to fuck things up with Ali. Can't say I'm not surprised. After my dad died it was really my mom and I against the world. She wasn't happy when I told her that I enlisted, but she accepted that over time. Enlisting sobered me up, but it didn't make everything better like I thought it would. Ali hated my decision, and I didn't really give her a say in it. We kept in contact through letters, and I would go back to Rosewood on my leave time. 5 years ago my mom got in an accident and didn't make it. The night she passed was rough for me. I hadn't drank in years, and surely the absence of my alcohol made my mom happy and Alison was ecstatic. That night I had turned to my old friend, and I knew it was wrong. What else could I have done? Ali came home that night and found me. I was hammered, and I'm sure she could smell the alcohol on me as soon as she walked in the door. She was pissed. She was beyond pissed. I can still picture her face when she walked in the house that night. She started lecturing me, not yelling, but still lecturing. I snapped. We got in a huge fight, and I left. I left. I hate myself that I left. Why? Why couldn't I just talk to her? She could understand what I was going through. I was so embarrassed. I haven't returned any of her letters, or Hanna's. I haven't gone back to Rosewood since that night.

As I reach the doorway to the building, I felt like I was being watched. It was just an uneasy feeling. I turned to look behind me, making sure that none of my troops had followed me here. Thank god no one knows I come here everyday. They surely would denote me from lieutenant. I worked hard to get where I was today. I had to push back my friends out of my mind everyday. I think what really got me to lieutenant was because I took risks. I didn't care if I died anymore. I had no one to go home too. I had no one worrying about me. That's not true. My friends still care. They still send me letters. I get roughly 1 a month. Besides Ali. She sends me 4. I make my way to the open window on the 5th floor of the building. It overlooks our whole base. Our squad doesn't use this building because they deemed it unsafe. I see their point. Lots of broken bricks lay on the ground. As I sit down on the ledge, I grab for the note in my pocket that lay above my heart. I read this thing every damn day. I can't help it. I haven't revised it since we broke up. It has been changed since I got into the army.

"Dear Ali,

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't even describe how sorry I am. I left when I should've stayed. I couldn't face you after the fact that I had been so stupid. I threw everything we had away. Over absolutely nothing. I think about you everyday. About us everyday. With all the time that I have, I haven't figured out a way to fix it. I can't reply to your letters. Hell, I can't even read them. They've been sitting in a box under my bed. I never wanted this to happen. You were finally able to love me, trust me, and hold me like I always wanted you to. I threw it away like you were last weeks newspaper. Your not last weeks newspaper Ali. You are soooo much more than that. I hope you've been able to move on, and find someone who sees you. I mean really sees you. Not just how beautiful you are. But how beautiful you love. How every morning you'd ask how I slept. How you'd make me smile, even when I wanted to cry. How you made me feel, I've never felt that way in my entire life. The way your eyes lit up every time I saw you. I bet you didn't know your eyes even did that. But I did. I still wear the ring you got me for Christmas, although it has moved from my hand to a necklace, it's still there. I hope that you can move on after this, if you haven't already, because you deserve to be happy. Hell, you deserve the world. I never stopped loving you.

-Emily"

Each day it had gotten a little easier to read. I folded the letter up, and put it back in the reserved pocket. I leaned my head against the stoned wall and closed my eyes. I never want her to receive that letter. It'll probably kill her on the inside. It hurts me everyday. I've been living with it next to my heart for the past 5 years, and it still hurts me. I've always thought about ripping it up and writing a new one. But what would I say? "Hey I'm dead. You can be extra happy now". No. It's too hard. This is all too hard. I open my eyes and look at the fading stars. I twirled the ring in my fingers. I always loved watching the stars with Ali. She always payed her head on my chest, never watched the stars, but she was always there. I have to stop thinking about her. If I don't, I'm going to get myself killed and she will be forced to receive that letter. I rub my forehead and check my watch again. It's already 4:45. Wake up time was 5:30, so I usually walked back at 5.

As I prepare myself to leave. I take one last look out the window. I notice something. A light. My heart skips a beat, I don't even know why. But once I realize what the light is, it's too late.


	2. Chapter 2

I look down, and see the red dot on my abdomen. Shit. I try moving as fast as I can, but ultimately I felt the pain. It hit me in the lower right part of my abdomen. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I didn't even need to look down to make sure that it was in fact, a bullet. I've been shot before. 3 times to be exact. But this time, it hurt worse. Nobody knew where I was. Nobody except my shooter. Now I really didn't want to die. She couldn't read that letter. I can't let her.

I try feeling for my back, to see if it was a through and through. Luckily it was. I relax a little bit, but ultimately the panic returns. I hear footsteps coming up the stairway. I can't imagine that anyone from our platoon would come up here. Now I'm feeling more and more nervous. I haven't been this nervous since...Emily stop thinking about her. That's what got you here in the first place. As the footsteps get closer and closer, I think about who will be at my funeral. This is surely me demise. I can't imagine many people would be there. I mean, I haven't been home in what feels like forever. I haven't talked you anyone besides my squad. The footsteps are on my floor. There's 2 people walking around, probably looking for me. All I can see is their boots. Blurry boots. Great. They aren't yellow like ours, they're black. I see a pair of hands reach down in front of my eyes, and everything is black. I didn't pass out, so why is everything black? Ahhh a bag. Wonderful. I hear a mans voice "we've got her" come from my right side. I can't decipher whether or not the person on my left is a male, or female. After we get out of the building, I feel a pinch in my neck, and soon everything starts to fade out. I can't help but think before I pass out, this is it. This is how I will die.

I wake up shivering. The ground is cold as fuck. Where am I? I can at least see. It takes a few minutes for my eyes to adjust, but I see a small room with 1 door. There's nothing in the room besides a small tray of food, and a glass of water. What the hell? Why would I be taken, and then given the tools to survive? I am hungry though. I try to move towards the food, but the searing pain in my abdomen stops me. Shit. I forgot I've been shot. I look down to see what kind of shape my stomach is in. I notice I've only got my tee on and my pants. My boots have been stripped, and my socks have been placed inside the wound left by the bullet. I didn't do this. Who took me? Why did they take me? Whoever "they" are, had to have heard me because in a matter of seconds the door opens.

"Hello Lt Fields" the voice says.

I'm debating on whether or not I should answer. I don't want to answer, but I'm sure I should. Before I can say anything back, the figure moves swiftly over to me and strikes me in the face.

"When I talk to you, you better answer me" he says. His voice is firm. I wipe the blood that's left on my cheek.

"Okay" is all I have to say.

"Now, you...are going to tell us the plans that your troop has. And the plan the U.S. has against us right now. You are the lucky one, we picked you out of everyone."

"Why should I tell you?"

"Well you wouldn't want your whole platoon to die, now would you?"

"If anything you'd kill me first, then go capture another soldier." I mumble, hoping that he wouldn't hear what I said.

"You are a tough cookie. Why do you spend every morning in the building? It wasn't too hard to capture you, you know?"

"It's none of your business" I can't even be pissed, he was right.

"I'll let you think about your options, but for now, I'll leave you with a gift."

He walks towards me, and I don't even know what to think. When he's a few inches away from my body, he kicks my stomach. Just above my open wound.

"F..fuck.." I mumble as I wince in pain.

He leaves the room, slamming the door. As if he's trying to prove his point to me or something. I don't know what the hell he thinks, but I'd never give up anything like that. I can't. I won't. Even if I die. Even if Ali has to read that damn letter.

Fuck...Ali. 

—

I don't know how long I've been in here for. Probably close to a week. I can't see out of my right eye. It's swollen, and each time he hits me, the cut reopens. My bullet holes still haven't been properly cleaned. I can't help but think time is no longer on my side. I've got maybe a day. Maybe 2 if I'm lucky. He shot me again, probably 2 days ago. In the right knee cap. I can't feel anything in my right leg anymore. I have other injuries. Broken fingers, separated shoulder, broken ribs, broken nose, and then your typical cuts and bruises. I don't care anymore. I've given up. I can't fight like this anymore. I'm not giving him the plans. The plans have probably changed anyway, but I'm still not giving them up. I'm ready to die. I don't care if Alison. Reads the letter. I've started to call her Alison again, it makes it easier to let her go. I hadn't even noticed that he was back in my "room".

"Helloooo? I said THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE! You have until tonight to tell me. Otherwise...you're left for dead...and we will move on" he was practically shouting the whole time. It didn't bother me since I couldn't really hear him anyway.

"I'm...not...telling...you..." I manage to mumble back to him.

He takes out his knife, and drives it into my chest, and left it in me. I feel like this was definitely it. At least I'll be dead in a matter of hours, that way I'll be done with all this torture.

"See you tonight, and you better tell me about the plans."

When he leaves I can't move. I really wanted and needed a drink of water. I was ready to take the knife out and let myself bleed to death. For some reason I really wanted that water to be vodka. I just needed the pain to go away. That's when I knew I was ready. I took one deep breath, and pulled the knife out. I rolled over to my stomach, and could feel the blood start pooling around me. Everything became fuzzy. The door opened, as if someone had drove a car through it. I saw 1 tall dark figure before everything turned to black...


	3. Chapter 3

My eyes open. What the fuck. I feel nothing but utter pain. I can't move my head, and all I can see is a white ceiling. Where am I? I try moving, and I'm restricted. I try and wiggle around, but find that this makes my pain worse. I feel something clenched on my arm. Before I can even look down at my arm, there are 3 faces in my view.

"Emily, calm down. You're okay. We are doctors. You've torn your stitches, we are going to stitch you back up...okay?" a young female says.

Calm down? I don't even know where I am!

All I manage to get out was "mmmmk."

I still couldn't get a view on what was resting on my arm, nor did I know what even happened. I knew I was in a lot of pain, and whatever was being pumped through my arm, was not helping.

The doctor who was stitching me up says, "you were being kept hostage in a little room for just under a week. You were shot twice, and revived many injuries over that period of time. You were found, and rushed here 3 months ago. How are you feeling?"

"Mmhhm. Not...good..." I wanted to say so much more. I wanted to tell her that it felt like I got hit by a truck. But it hurt too much to even mumble out a few words.

"Okay, I'm going to get Dr. Green to come check on you and fill you in on the rest of the details. I'll also see if she can give you a higher pain medication. I'll be back in a few minutes with Dr. Green."

"Mmmmhmmm."

A couple minutes pass before I remember that I haven't been able to figure out what's on my right arm. I slowly look to my right. Blonde. Who? Who do I know that has blonde hair? Hanna?! Shit. Ali...I mean Alison. What is she doing here?! How did she know? How long has she been here? My heart is racing, and I think this worries the doctors, because about 10 of them come rushing into my room. With all the commotion, she wakes up. Greatttt, this is exactly what I need right now. Before she can even speak, the doctor who stitched me back up walks in with, who I'm assuming is Dr. Green.

"Hi Emily, its good to see you're awake. Now, I'm sure you are wondering what is going on...so I'm about to fill you in." Dr. Green says with a smile.

Thank god, I don't even know where I am. The grip on my arm is suddenly tighter. And I know that Alison is still probably worried about me.

"So as you know, you were kid napped. You had major injuries when you were rushed here. You are in Johns Hopkins Hospital. You had a few major surgeries to fix your leg, nose, shoulder, and your stomach. We're concerned with your right eye, so we will do more tests soon, and go from there. Due to the stress on your body, we put you into a medically induced coma."

What the hell am I supposed to say? I don't want to be here right now. I break my arm from Alison's grip. I go to grab the ring and my tags, because rubbing them normally calms me down, but I don't find them.

"Where's...my..stuff?" I huff out.

"All your belongings are in this closet, see?" As she opens the closet doors, I see the bag that contains both my tags, and the necklace with the ring on it.

"Put..those 2..necklaces..on me...now!" that's all I can think about. My voice is soft, although I wanted it to be stern.

"Okay, okay. We can do that. Dr. Sampson tells me that you're still in pain? I'll write you a new prescription. Here, Alison, put these on Emily right away." and with that she hands Alison the baggie contains the necklaces and leaves the room. The other doctors follow her out, leaving Alison and I alone. Fuck. This is exactly what I didn't want.

She moves slowly toward me, and open the bag to fish out my belongings to put them back on me. She stops. I'm sure this is when she notices that the ring on that necklace was a gift from her. She doesn't say anything. This makes me worry even more. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I should say anything. Thankfully, she says something first.

"Hey...you had me worried for a while there..."

"How did you know I was here?"

"I'm your emergency contact...remember Em?"

Well that explains why she's here. Wait. She just called me Em. Uhhh.

"Oh...how long have you been here?"

"Basically since you were brought in. I've had to go to work, but I visit everyday."

"Why?" I wouldn't be here if I was her.

"Are you serious Em? Why?!" She laughs. Wow have I missed that laugh. "I told you, I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you."

Well that makes me feel like shit. I don't want to continue with this conversation, but the silence is worse. She probably thinks I hate her guts. I hate my guts. She clips both necklaces around my neck, and sits back down in the chair. It's silent for a few moments before she speaks again.

"You know...I had no idea who was calling me. They told me it was you...I...I didn't know wh-"

"It's fine. I'm okay." I had to cut her off.

"Emily. You are far from okay! LOOK at you!"

I don't know why she's getting so pissed. I haven't seen the full extent of my injuries. I don't need too, I've experienced it. I don't know what to say to her. This is weird. I've been waiting for this to happen, see her again that is, but I don't know what to say. I don't know how to act. It's like high school all over again. I croak out a small laugh, and I knew that was a mistake.

"Do you really think this is funny Em? It's not! It's..it's-"

"No. No, Alison. I don't think it's funny. It wasn't about this.." I motion to my whole body. "It was about...nothing. It's nothing."

"It's not nothing. You can tell me, you can tell me anything."

"I can't tell you! I wish I could! I just.." relax Emily, you don't need to make a scene. After all she is here for you. "don't know what to say."

"This isn't easy for me either Em. You-"

"You think this is hard for me?!" I knew I was going to snap. I couldn't stop myself. "You have NO idea what I've been through. Yeah, you see the casts and bandages, but my pain goes past the bandages. It hasn't been easy for you? You've been here. Living your life. I've been here, fighting for my life! It was your choice to be here, I didn't chose this! If it's too hard for you, then LEAVE." Great. As soon as I let the words come out of my mouth I wanted to take them back. I could see in her eyes she was hurt by what I said.

"Fine. If that's really how you feel..I'll leave. But I will be back. Probably in a few days, I think we both just need some time."

I could see tears in her eyes. I could always tell when she was going to cry. She would probably wait until she got to her car though. And with that, she grabbed her jacket off the chair, and left. I was finally alone. And then it hit me, I was alone.


	4. Chapter 4

It's been a week since Alison and I got into our fight. She hasn't been back, that I know of. I've been sleeping a lot, only because of the pain medicine. It makes me very tired, and I fight to keep my eyes open. Dr. Green did some more tests on my eye, and they weren't really the results that I'd hoped to hear. She said I'll probably be blind, but I could try surgery to try and get some vision back. She said we had to wait a few days before they could operate. The swelling around my eye was still too much. Dr. Green told me about the rehab I would need for my knee. She set my rehab up in Rosewood. That's going to be a pain in the ass. She said I won't be able to regain full range of motion, but she did say I would be able to walk again.

She told me that I may be able to go home at the end of the month. I don't have a home. What am I supposed to do?

—

Dr. Green comes in my room to examine my eye. She tells me that I am ready for surgery. She scheduled it for tomorrow morning at 9 am. When she leaves I feel myself starting to drift away.

When I wake up I am really hungry. I didn't eat all morning. I haven't really been able to eat very much but I definitely needed some food in my system, especially before surgery. I go to press the nurse button, when I suddenly stop in my tracks.

"Alison?"

"Hmm?" I don't think she was expecting me to be awake, because she looks totally shocked. "Hey. How are you feeling?" Her voice is sweet.

"I'm okay, really. I get to go home soon." Please don't ask. Please don't ask.

"And where is home?" Her eyebrows raised as she questioned me.

How did I know she would ask me that? I can still catch her brainwaves after all this time.

"Umm...I don't know..maybe I'll get a hotel or something. Just until I find something more permanent."

"That won't be necessary Em. I've already made a room for you at my place. They won't discharge you if you have no place to go, or anyone to look after you. Even more so with your eye surgery tomorrow."

How do I say no? How do I say yes? If I stay with her, I think I may actually go insane.

"Oh. How'd you know I have surgery tomorrow?"

"We've been over this already Em, I'm your emergency contact, they tell me everything." She winks at me. Oh no. I can't help but get nervous. I have to say something, but I can't make it awkward if I'm going to be living with her for a while.

"Oh yeah." I let out a small laugh. "Ouch." I grab at my ribs. The pain is starting to go away, but it's still there. It'll always be there.

"Be careful there killer."

"Don't call me that. Don't ever call me that again Ali."

I can't be called that. I can't. And I just slipped up, I'm sure it won't be the last time.

"Oh..um...s-sorry." She starts fidgeting with her hands. We spend a few minutes sitting in silence.

"Do you want to watch a movie and get some food? I've only got a few hours before I need to stop eating and I'm starving." I don't even care to watch something, I just really need some food.

"Sure Em, I'll go get us something to eat. I'll be back." She gives me a warm smile and leaves the room.

I turn the TV on and I feel my medicine start to kick in again. I try fighting the imminent sleep, I'm very hungry. I know that I'm about to lose this fight.

My eyes flash open, and my whole body is being shook. I panic. My body instantly freezes. I see a pair of blue eyes, and a hand lands on my cheek.

"Em. Em. Em, it's okay. It's me, Ali."

"S-s-sorry. What's going on?"

"I went to go get us food, and you were sleeping when I got back. I let you sleep as long as possible, you still have a little time to eat."

"Oh. Sorry. Thanks." I reach for the brown bag next to my right leg. It looks like my leg has doubled in size. "Mhhhhmm. Smells good. How'd you know I was craving a cheese burger?"

"A cheese burger is always a safe bet with you Em."

"Have you talked to Hanna? How is she doing?"

"Emily, we should talk after you're done stuffing your face." She laughs after her comment. Wow, have I missed that laugh.

After I've finished 'stuffing my face' she finally answers my Hanna questions.

"I've spoken to Hanna everyday since you enlisted in the army. Nothing has changed, we worried about you everyday."

"Why would you worry about me?"

"Emily, I still care about you. I don't want you to die. That's the last thing I want."

You'd think that would be the greatest new I'd received in a very long time, but somehow, it kind of hurts. She he still cares about me? Well how could she not?

What if she doesn't care like she used to before? I'll have a lot of time to figure out how she cares about me. She'll probably never let me out of her sight until I'm capable of being on my own...

And I am okay with that.


	5. Chapter 5

Alison's POV

I look at Emily, and nothing has changed. She's the same girl I loved. She still put her walls up, even for me. She never wanted me to worry. But how could I not be worried? She's been in the hospital for nearly 4 months now! She's still that same tall, tanned skin, and beautiful girl that I love. Wow...was she ever beautiful. It was hard to see her when she first got here. When I walked into her room for the first time, my heart sank. It felt like it hit the floor. I wanted to run outside to get fresh air. I was sick to my stomach. I couldn't do that though, she needed me. In fact, I'm all she has. Well besides Hanna, but Hanna can't drop everything like I can. She works in the fashion industry for some designer in LA.

I am able to drop everything if I want too. I am the CEO of my own real estate company. I can do 90% of my job from my house, anywhere really. It helps that I've got people I can trust handling things for me at the moment. I haven't told Emily about the engagement yet. It's obviously not going to be a very easy topic to talk about. I have to tell her, she's going to find out anyway. Josh is great though, I think Emily might like him. Maybe she'd like him more if we weren't engaged. Josh doesn't know that we were in a relationship, that might be the worst part. If I told him, he never would've let me come here. I knew that I'd be the only one. I have to be here.

As I sit in the waiting room, the longer I sit the more nervous I get. I decided to call Hanna up, she has no clue the Emily was having another surgery, and I already tried calling Josh. It rings 2 times before she picks up.

"Hey Ali, everything okay?"

"Hey Han! So far, Em is in surgery right now. I'm just nervous. I'm really freaking out."

"Why didn't you tell me?! She's going to be fine! She's made it through worse. When she makes it out, tell her I said hi and I love you."

"Yeah, I know...I will. I think she's mad at me. I don't know if it's from the medicine, or if she is actually mad at me."

"Well...did you tell her about Josh?"

"No...I don't know how to bring it up. She's laying there in pain and you expect me to just say 'hey Em, just so you know I'm engaged!'"

"Okay, okay. Jeez. I know it's not ideal, but she will be pissed if you don't tell her. She'll go all army on your ass in no time, even if she is in pain."

"I wasn't expecting this to happen. I thought I'd never get to see her again. You know? It's hard."

"Yeah Ali, I get it. But you need to think about all 3 of you for a minute. If you tell her when it's 'not the right time', it'll only be awkward for a few minutes."

"I guess your right. I'll tell her after she wakes up from surgery."

The line is quiet for a moment before I speak up.

"Hey Han, do you think she'll be mad that I've paid for her bills?"

"Pfft. She's going to blow a gasket."

"I was afraid that you'd say that. I just..don't know how much money she's got...and..yeah."

"Well I'm sure the army would have given her something. I mean that picture you sent me, they better be sending that girl a truck full of cash."

"Yeah. It was bad Han...and the pictures didn't even do her justice."

Hanna is silent, I know she probably close to crying on the other end of the line. She wanted to be here, but she just can't.

"Are you going to come home for Christmas or something. Come see Em? I know she could really use you."

"I'm going to try. I've already put in time off, I just hope that they approve it."

"Emily is going to be staying at my house. They told me she needed someone with her pretty much at all times. If this surgery doesn't improve her vision...then..I don't know what I'd do."

"Just worry about that if you get there. Nothing we can do besides pray."

"When did Hanna Marin become this heart wrenching advice giver? Sheesh."

"You just never listened to me, that's all! I've been like this all my life. That's why Emily loves me so much." I can picture the smile on her face.

"I know, I'm sorry for-uh Han. I gotta go. I'll get in touch with you later." I didn't even let her reply before I ended the call. I saw Dr. Green making her way towards me, I instantly shot up.

"Hi Alison. We had a couple complications with miss Fields surgery, but she is okay and back in her room."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Why didn't you just start with that and save me the mini heart attack?"

She giggled "Would you like to me to take you to her room?"

"That'd be great." As we walked to her room, I couldn't help but think what complications arose during surgery. Would they hamper her vision? Memory? She told me it would be a little while before she woke up, but I didn't mind sitting next to her.

I pulled the chair next to her bed and rested my head on her bed. I held her hand as I said "Hey Em, I have to tell you something when you wake up. You take your time, I'm going to take a nap right here. I'll be here when you wake up."

Before I could get comfortable, I felt my body shiver. I walked over to the closet to see if there were any blankets in the closet where Emily's things were kept. There were none, I think Emily had them all. I grab her army jacket instead, this will have to do. I sit back down, and I'm about to drape the jacket over my body when I hear a crinkling noise. What the hell is that? Where is it coming from?

I examine the jackets lower pockets. Nothing. Hmmmm. I check the upper left pocket. I find a piece of paper that's lightly spattered in blood. I examine the outside only to find, it's addressed to me. What? Why? What could this possibly be for? It is her handwriting. I don't think I should open it. She would've given it to me right away if she wanted me to read it.

I can't read the letter...right?


	6. Chapter 6

Alison's POV

I'm no longer tired, that's for sure. Every time I get close to opening the paper, I think that I'm violating her privacy or something. I mean, she didn't give it to me. It wasn't really hiding either though. It looks pretty worn out...maybe if she won't notice if I read it. I can't get passed the blood that's stained to the paper. I don't even want to think about if that's her blood, or somebody else's. Truth be told, it scared me. I couldn't even imagine laying in your own blood. That's probably the worst thing that could happen to somebody. I decide I need some air, but take the paper with me. This is probably a bad idea. I know that since Emily isn't by my side, I'll actually be able to read it. I can't stop myself. I go get a bottle of water from the vending machine before I make my way outside. I sit on a vacant bench, take a deep breathe and open the piece of paper.

"Dear Ali,

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't even describe how sorry I am. I left when I should've stayed. I couldn't face you after the fact that I had been so stupid. I threw everything we had away. Over absolutely nothing. I think about you everyday. About us everyday. With all the time that I have, I haven't figured out a way to fix it. I can't reply to your letters. Hell, I can't even read them. They've been sitting in a box under my bed. I never wanted this to happen. You were finally able to love me, trust me, and hold me like I always wanted you to. I threw it away like you were last weeks newspaper. Your not last weeks newspaper Ali. You are soooo much more than that. I hope you've been able to move on, and find someone who sees you. I mean really sees you. Not just how beautiful you are. But how beautiful you love. How every morning you'd ask how I slept. How you'd make me smile, even when I wanted to cry. How you made me feel, I've never felt that way in my entire life. The way your eyes lit up every time I saw you. I bet you didn't know your eyes even did that. But I did. I still wear the ring you got me for Christmas, although it has moved from my hand to a necklace, it's still there. I hope that you can move on after this, if you haven't already, because you deserve to be happy. Hell, you deserve the world. I never stopped loving you.

-Emily"

Tears stream down my face. Damn it Emily. I don't even know how to process what I've just read. I think I may have that heart attack now. I don't think I was supposed to read this now. Oh my god. This was her death letter. Holy shit. I cry even harder than I already was. I thought Hanna was good at the heart touching words, but damn. Emily brought the house down. I don't know what to do. I sit, staring at a bloody piece of paper with tears rolling down my face. I can't let her see that I've been crying. I try to compose myself, but it's really no use. It wasn't all her fault that we broke up. I met Josh while we were still together. I wish I could've taken that day back. She blames herself. Of course she does Alison, she always blames herself. I was ready to break things off with her before her mom got in that accident. I couldn't just end a relationship over a letter. I wouldn't do that to her. I wasn't going to do it when her mom died either, but she walked out. I don't know why she even did. I've got to tell her. She can't blame everything on herself. If I just be honest from the start, maybe it'll make it easier. Who am I kidding? This isn't going to be easy. She still loves me. She's going to be heart broken. I cheated on her. I did. I hate myself for it. If I even tell her, her heart will literally explode. I've gotta call Han again, but I should wait. Em will be waking up soon, and I need to be there when she wakes up. I fold the paper back to it's original position, and walk back into the hospital.

I open Emily's room door open slowly. She's still sleeping. Thank god. I sit back into my chair, and carefully put the letter back into it's designated pocket. Normally, a person who received that letter would marry the person who gave it to them. I hate myself. How is she going to look at me when she figures this all out? I don't know if I'll be able to spit the words out, knowing how she really feels about me. She's always been the sweet romantic one, but never in this way. It makes it worse that it was after that night. She still felt everything for me, even after she left. I drape the jacket over me, and fall asleep.

I look at my watch. I've only gotten an hour of sleep. I can't tell if Emily is awake. Her right eye (which is facing me) is covered with bandages. I want to speak, but can feel a lump in my throat. I grab the water bottle and take a swig. When I place it back down, Emily croaks out "hello?" I can her the concern in her voice. I get up, and move over to the left side of the room so she can see me.

"Hey kil-Emily. It's me, Ali. Oh by the way, Hanna says 'hi and that she loves you.' I promised Her I'd say that as soon as you woke up."

"Mmmm. Okay.."

She's groggy, and it's honestly kind of hot.

"I'll go get Dr. Green."

When I arrive back with Dr. Green, my stomach growls. I haven't had anything to eat all day. I decide to slip out while Dr. Green tells Emily about the surgery. I can just ask her about it later. Plus I'm sure she's hungry too, so this will make her happy no matter what news she gets. I stay out of the room as long as possible, I don't want to catch the end of the whole procedure. I honestly don't care about it, I only care if Emily is going to be okay. I start walking back up stairs to Emily's room when I am stopped by Dr. Green.

"She'll be ready to go home at the end of the week." Dr. Green says. Her voice is different, it's usually softer.

"That's great news!"

"It's great news for her. You on the other hand, not so much. Are you sure you'll be able to take care of her everyday. It's going to be months before she can live on her own."

"Trust me, I've got everything under control. She doesn't have anywhere else to go anyway."

"We could always make arrangements for her to stay here until-"

"No. You expect her to get better if she's living in a hospital for months? Everything is going to be fine." Am I trying to convince her, or myself? Both. Definitely both of us.

"Okay, but if it gets too much to handle, call me miss DiLaurnetis."

Well that was kind of weird. I shake it off. I'm really hungry, and I hope that Em is too. I got her pizza. You really can't go wrong with a piece of pizza. I walk into her room and put the tray of food on her table.

"I got you some food, if your hungry."

"Thanks. So I get to go home soon...umm your house I mean."

"Yeah Dr. Green told me. Are you excited?"

"I can't say that I'll miss this room. That's for sure. What did you get me this time? I can't really see what's on the plate."

"Oh. Sorry. I got you some pizza. I figured that you probably haven't had pizza in a long time."

"I haven't. You know what I miss?"

"What?"

"Chinese food." She states with a big grin on her face. I know how much she loves Chinese. I think she loves Chinese food more than she's ever loved me.

"Tell you what, I'll get you some sesame chicken from Hunan Garden the first night you get out of here."

"Mmmmmm. My favorite food, from my favorite place, with my favori-"

She stops mid sentence, but I knew exactly what she was going to say. With my favorite person. And that's when she would've kissed me.

"Don't worry, I haven't forgotten." This seems like as good of a time as any. "I still go there all the time with Josh."

I can't read her reaction. If I would've told her about how I met Josh, then I'm sure I would've gotten a big reaction.


	7. Chapter 7

"Oh, who's Josh?" I say with a smile. If I didn't smile, I'd definitely break down into tears. I was hoping that she hadn't moved on, I wanted to try and fix things.

"He's my..uh fiancé. We met a few years ago."

"When's the wedding? I better get an invite!" I nudge her on the shoulder. I give her probably the best fake smile ever.

"October 17. Of course you were going to get an invitation!"

"Your getting married in a month?!" I lost my composure a bit. If she's going to be married when I'm ther-

"No, next October. Sorry, it's just that everyone kno-"

"No it's fine Ali. I'm sure if you were getting married next month you wouldn't be able to be here everyday. My brain is just a little slow right now."

"So how did surgery go?"

"Umm okay I guess. Dr. Green said it took longer than she had hoped and she wasn't sure if it would work."

Her face drops slightly. Normally she'd be on the brink of tears. She still cares about me, but not like she used to. She must really love this Josh guy.

Ali starts walking away from my bed, and my head follows until she makes her way to the chair. She drags the chair over to the other side of the bed so I can see her. She curls up, and drapes my jacket over herself.

"What were you worried about me that much?" I chuckle. I just hope that she didn't find the letter. That's the one thing I didn't want to tell her. Not in this moment anyway.

"No. Well I was worried, I just got cold. There were no blankets, and this was enough for me."

"I'm pretty sure I have all the blankets. Here, take one."

"No Em. I'm good."

"It only keeps you so warm, I would know. Plus, you really want my dry blood touching your clothes." I take the top blanket off of me and hand it to her. She pauses for a minute "Really Ali, take it." She finally takes the blanket and folds my jacket on the table next to her.

"Thank you."

I can't wait to get out of here. It's not going to feel much different, but at least Ali will let me do something if I beg her. And I really want that Chinese food, even if Josh sort of ruined Hunan Garden for me.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I'm supposed to be getting discharged tonight. Dr. Green gave me a new prescription. It would make me less tired, but I would pretty much be high the whole afternoon. I've been telling Alison that I'm feeling a lot better, but everything still hurts. I'm nervous to go live with her. Especially when I'm high. That's going to be everyday. I feel bad, she shouldn't be doing this. Especially not for me. It's going to be like having a kid. If she was ready for a kid, she'd have one already.

Dr. Green walks into my room pushing a wheelchair. She tells me that this is mine until my shoulder heals. Yay, even more eyes will be on me if I ever go out in public. She starts rattling off the risks of not taking my medicine, and what could happen if I drank while taking the medication. I just tune her out. Alison will be paying attention, and she's going to watch me like a hawk anyway. Dr. Green hands Alison a card, and leaves the room.

"Are you ready to go home?"

"Yeah, I'm ready. I'm ready for that Chinese food you promised me too."

She starts pushing me out of my room. We only get halfway down the hallway before I make her stop.

"Wait. Don't we have to go to the front desk? I need to give them my insurance so I can pay for everything."

"Umm..no. I kind of already took care of that."

How could she? She doesn't know my information. Emergency contacts wouldn't know that much.

"What do you mean? We can't just leave without payi-"

"I payed for it." She starts pushing me again. I hold my anger in until we get to the car. I don't want to make a scene in the hospital or outside.

"Why did you do that? You can't go around paying for all my things! You're already taking me into your house!"

"Emily, it's not a big deal. I have plenty of money-"

"Oh! Are you suggesting that I don't have money? Just because you have money doesn't mean you need to go around throwing it into my face."

"No, that's not what I meant. I just didn't want you to have more stress."

"Well now I actually have more stress."

The ride to her house was silent except for the radio. I lean my head against the window and close my eyes. I wonder what my squad is doing. I miss them, I hope I can see them again. I won't be able to go back to duty again, but they were all my friends.

I open my eyes after a while. I look over at her, her eyes are glued to the road.

"Where are we?" I had to ask. Plus the silence was worse than talking to her.

"We're about 20 miles away from Rosewood. Did you sleep okay?"

"I wasn't sleeping."

"O...kay."

We're both silent for the next 15 minutes. I see a sign that says 5 miles to Rosewood. I get butterflies in my stomach. I haven't been home in 5 years. Everything is going to be so different. Except for the people. I know they're going to comment about my lack of presence, say they're sorry about my mom, and even say they're sorry to hear what happened to me. That's the last thing I want. I hate the attention being on me.

"When we get to my house, I'm going to order the food."

"Don't tease me like that, you know I won't be able to stop thinking about it now!"

We drive through the little town of Rosewood. There's lots of things still here that I remember, and there are a couple places that I don't recognize. We pass many nice houses, before slipping into a driveway. Her house is beautiful. It's not too big, but it is exquisite. There's a car in the driveway, and the lights are on.

"Josh is out of town, who is that?"

Alison grabs the wheel chair out of the trunk and helps me get into it. A person approaches us. She's a small petite woman, with brown hair.

"Hi, my name is Aria. I'm from the Mining Journal. Your friend Hanna Marin told me you were going to be here tonight."

"I'm Emily, as you can probably tell. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you'd let me interview you. You don't have to answer every question."

"Um yeah. Sure, when. Now?"

"If that's okay with you?"

I look at Ali and she nods her head. She adds "The food is probably going to take 40 minutes anyway. Come inside."

Ali hands me my clothes bag. I didn't even know I had gotten it back. She pushes me into her house, and it looks even better on the inside. There's a fireplace underneath her TV in the living room. This will probably be my favorite room in the house.

"I'm going to call for our food, and get your room ready. I'll leave you both to it then." And with that Ali walks up the stairs and I hear a door close. It's going to suck having a room upstairs with only one good leg, but I'll be able to manage. It's been worse.

"So Ms. Emily Fields, where should we start?"


	8. Chapter 8

"So Ms. Fields, how long were you in the army for?"

"8 years."

"That's a long time. Thank you for your service."

"Mhmm." I give her a warm smile. I always hated when people would say that to me.

"So what's it like over in Iraq?"

"It was pretty hot, very humid. There was lots of open land behind our base. We basically were set up to overlook the city."

"And what did you do in your free time?"

"Played soccer in the back, tried sleeping, umm basically what normal people do in their free time. No Netflix though." This gets a laugh out of Aria. She's nice, not pushy yet. I know the grueling questions will come.

"Did you keep in contact with your family throughout all these years?"

"Uhhhh actually, I don't really have any family left...so. You could definitely say they have been watching over me all these years though."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear about that. You are a very lucky person."

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"You were shot twice."

"That day. I've been shot before."

She's pauses for a moment. She didn't expect me to say that.

"Oh, well you are very lucky then. So what happened the day you were kid napped?"

"Umm. Could we maybe skip that question?" I can't talk about that day. I wanted to forget every moment.

"Do you know why they took you?"

"They wanted our stations plans against ISIS. They also wanted the U.S. plans against ISIS."

"Well I'm sure it was pretty tempting to give them up, just to get out of there."

"No, it never crossed my mind." I can't help but be angry. Why would I do that to everyone?

"You are a true hero, you know that."

"No, the people who are still over there are the heroes. You should be interviewing them. Can we be done?" I don't want to continue with this conversation anymore. She doesn't even understand..no one does. They haven't been over there.

"Yeah, of course. Thank you for your time. Once again, thanks for everything you've done."

"No problem."

And with that she walks out the front door.

This wheelchair is really uncomfortable. I need water first, and Ali is still in the other room. I slowly get out of the wheelchair and hop into the kitchen. Wasn't my greatest idea, every time I hop it makes everything hurt. I decide to sit down in the kitchen for a break, when Ali comes back I'll have her get the chair for me.

A few minutes have passed and I need to use the restroom. I can't wait any longer, otherwise I'll piss all over the floor, and that's not a very good house warming gift. I hop to the bottom of the stairs, and see that there is a bathroom just a little further down the hall. When I get to the bathroom, I can hear Ali's voice. If I make no noise I can hear what she's saying.

"...no! No I haven't yet!"

Who is she talking to? Why is she yelling?

"It's not like that! I've tried...I just don't know how."

Okay, I really shouldn't be listening in on her conversation. It's rude. I wouldn't want her doing that to me. I'm about to leave the bathroom when something stops me. A name.

"Han, you know I can't."

Okay, what are they hiding? If it was really important they would've told me. Alright, Emily you need to stop.

I hop out of the bathroom and to my wheel chair. I want to sit on the couch, but if she doesn't know I can get up, it'll be my advantage. I turn on the TV, and try to get closer to the fire place. I hear the door slam closed, and footsteps on the stairs.

 _The footsteps get closer and closer. Hands grab at my shoulders and drag me upright. I don't even get the chance to look at who helped me up, everything goes black. These people really weren't here to help me._

"Emily!" She's waiving a hand in front of my face.

"What? Sorry, what did you say?"

"I said, I need to go pick up to food. You're supposed to come with me."

"Do I really have too? We just got back here."

"Yes. You need to. Now come on, we're going to get your favorite meal, look alive Fields!"

 _Fields! Get your ass over here, we need cover! We're taking fire from the right side. I look to my left to see 3 guys shooting at us. I take cover behind the truck, and peek out to shoot. I pull the trigger, bullets spilling out of my barrel and 2 men go down. I lost sight of the last one. Does he have an advantage over me? I keep taking cover, and expose my body as little as possible. I peek out again, a gun shot rings my ears. A bullet has pierced through my right arm. I'm laying out in the open, but I can see the last guy. I quickly pull my gun up, and pull the tri-_

"Em? Are you going to help?"

"Hmmm?" Her words snap me back to reality. "What? Yeah. Right. Sorry."

She gives me a puzzled look, but doesn't ask. I didn't even realize that we'd left the house.

"How long ago did that news lady leave?"

"Aria. Hmmm, like 5 minutes before you came down maybe? I don't know, I was too mad to see what time she had left."

"How come you were mad? Do I need to track her down and kick her ass?"

"No, she just...uhh never mind. It's nothing. I'm overreacting. Like normal." I whisper the last part, hoping that she wouldn't hear.

"What do you mean like normal? You can talk to me." Okay, I really need to learn how to keep my mouth shut.

"Trust me, it's nothing."

She doesn't question me again. I think she can tell I'm not ready to talk about it yet. Who knows if I'll ever be ready to talk about it. After a couple minutes of driving, we pull up to Hunan Garden. She parks the car, and is about to take her seatbelt off.

"Can't you just leave me in here for all of 5 minutes? It'll take longer to get me in and out of the car than for you to pick up the food." I'll take 5 minutes of alone time right now. Honestly I'd even take a minute. I have so much going trough my head.

"Yeah, be right back."

How many times is this going to happen to me today? I feel like I'm still over in Iraq. I rub my forehead. Ali is getting worried, I wouldn't even know what to tell her. If I even knew how. I need air. I try opening the window, but Ali took the keys. I've got to open the door. I open the door, and feel myself falling. I hit the ground with a loud thud. "Fuck." No cracks, and it didn't hurt as bad as those few dreadful days. I could get up, but the ground is just so relaxing. Thank god it's late, otherwise there would be a circle around me. The only person who is going to freak is Alison. I want to just lay there for the rest of the night, the rocks underneath me don't even bother me.

"Emily! Emily, what happened? Are you okay?"


	9. Chapter 9

"I'm fine. I just needed some air and I opened the door. And then I ended up on the ground."

"See? This is exactly why I can't leave you alone. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I just cut my stomach on a rock. It'll be okay."

She put our food down and lifts up the hem of my shirt. Her fingers trace over my scars, most of them were ugly from stitches. She didn't dare go near the stitches from the bullet or my new soon to be scar.

"Em, it's going to need stitches. Come on, we ought to get you to the hospital."

"Can't we just put some bandages on it and eat? I just got out of the hospital and I'm starving."

"Em, we have to get you fixed up. Well have the food while we wait for you to get stitched up."

"No. Wait until we get back to your house. We've been eating in the hospital forever."

When we got to the hospital, I was rushed into a room. Apparently it's not a good sign when you've been discharged and return in the same day. They sent me down to CT and just like I could have guessed, everything came back negative. It took a while to get the results back, and for them to close my wound up. 10 stitches, another ugly scar, and 3 hours in the hospital. My shortest visit yet. I've been craving the food since we got here, but I really want to be able to sit down at a table. Just like a normal human being.

We arrive back to Alison's house and she sets the table. I offer my help, but she refuses to let me do anything. She gets out 2 glasses, and pours water into one of them. She slides the glass over to me, and she pours herself a glass of wine.

"I definitely need this after today."

"Sorry." I can't help but feel bad. I could've gotten up. She wouldn't have even known that I'd fallen.

"It's perfectly okay. How come you didn't call me? When you fell out I mean."

"I was fine, and you were only going to be a minute."

"What if I'd have been longer?"

"Can we just not talk about this now? I want a nice, real dinner. Not a lecture."

It's crazy how good something tastes when you haven't had it in so long. I think Alison is just enjoying watching me eat. I missed this. I feel like she would be happy if I told her about this. She gets angry when I keep things from her, so now it's not any different.

"I missed this."

"Missed what?"

"A real dinner. Back in Iraq, I really never had time to sit down, enjoy my meal, socialize with my friends. I always had work to do. Sure, the others could do that..but I didn't have that luxury."

"Well it's going to be even better when it's a home cooked meal. When did you get promoted anyway?"

"I might miss that the most." I smile, but can't help but think the great food my mom would have made me. "Uhhh like 3 years ago maybe. So it's been a while since I've actually been able to do this."

"Well good for you, it does really take a toll on people. I get it."

She collects our empty dishes and puts them in the dish washer. She pours herself another glass of wine, and pushes me into the living room.

"Do you want to go on the couch. I can't imagine that chair to be very comfortable."

"Yeah, my ass has been numb since we got back."

She set her glass of wine down and helps me onto the couch. We turn on the TV and the fireplace. She puts on some movie I've never seen before, and she swears it's like the one of the greatest movies ever. It's called The Fault in Our Stars, and it's about some girl who has cancer. This was all the information that she gave me, she didn't want to spoil it. She ended up falling asleep half-way through it, but I don't mind. It's a pretty sad movie, but it is actually good. I browse through the channels and I glance over at Alison. She's curled up into a ball, normally she'd be snuggled up next to me. There's a blanket on the back of the chair, but when I go to get up, my good leg is very weak. I won't be able to hop over there and back with out waking her up anyway. So I just slip down to the floor and crawl to the chair. I use all the strength I have in my arm to get myself back on the couch. I do my best to cover her up with the blanket, it's a little hard to do with 1 arm. I haven't been able to sleep with out the pain meds. I'll be high as a kite in the morning, that's when Alison can pick up my new prescription. I've been taking Tylenol, and the numbness from my new stitches have helped my pain.

I decide to put on Bridesmaids. I am enjoying this moving, and I am actually able to laugh without pain, due to the numbing shot. It's bound to wear off soon though.

"I'm life, Annie, and I'm biting you in the ass."

God, could that not be more true for me?

 _"This training is a pain in the ass, but you will all be better for it." My drill Sargent likes to yell at us all the time, but for once, he spoke in a normal voice._

 _"Fields, get your ass moving, or your doing 3 more miles!"_

 _I don't think my legs can even take me 3 more steps, but they can't go 3 more miles. I've always been in pretty good shape, at the beginning the hardest part was doing 100's of push ups and sit ups. Now, it's the exact opposite. It is different when you start running 15 miles a day. My drill Sargent shot near my feet. It was the first time I'd been shot at._

Not only that, or this whole situation, but my regular life has really kicked my ass. I'm tired of fighting, and I don't have to anymore. Alison is getting married, now I just need to get back to step 1. Another movie starts playing, but I don't even pay attention to it. My eyes are fixated on the fire. I've always loved fires as a little girl. I love just watching them. The fire is going to go out soon, there's only coals left. I turn the TV off and just watch the coals burn, it's enough entertainment for me. I don't know how long I've been sitting like this for, but the coals aren't bright orange anymore, they're red. Alison starts moving around in her sleep. She's having a nightmare. I want to wrap my arms around her to calm her down but that would be too awkward. She wakes up and I feel her eyes on me.

"Hey. What time is it?" Her voice is raspy.

"I don't know." My voice is a soft whisper, instantly giving away that I hadn't slept.

"Have you slept at all? How did I get this blanket?"

"No. I watched another movie and then I just sat here watching the fire. I crawled over to the chair."

She clicks the button on her phone to check the time. I didn't want to look at my watch, there's no point. I know it's late-or early for that matter, but it doesn't change that I haven't been able to sleep. Her phone light is bright, I've been siting in the dark for probably 2 hours now.

"It's 4:30 in the morning. Emily you need to sleep. Come on, let's go upstairs to your bedroom."

"No, you go up. I don't want to hop up the stairs right now, just leave me here."


	10. Chapter 10

She grabs me a pillow, throws the blanket on me and says goodnight. I know I'm not going to be getting any sleep tonight. I could really go for a drink right now, and I've seen where she stocks her liquor. I'm debating on wether or not I should get up to drink, but ultimately after a few minutes I give in. I grab a bottle of Captain Morgan and pour myself a glass.

Alison's POV

I wake up and roll over to look at my alarm clock, it reads 7:30. I rub the sleep from my eyes and head down stairs. I try to be as quiet as possible, I'm not sure if Emily is still sleeping and I don't want to wake her. I reach the living room to see the couch empty, and her wheelchair is still in it's position from last night. Where is Emily? My mind panics a little bit, but then I hear an slight clink noise coming from the kitchen. I hear a voice, Emily's voice, I can't make out what she's saying. When I reach the entry way to the kitchen I see Emily. She has her back turned to me, and she's still mumbling incoherent words. How did she get to the kitchen?

"Good morning Emily, how did you get in here?"

When she turns around and I see her face, I know exactly what's been going on.

"Hey Ali! Good to seeee you tooo!" Her words slur out of her mouth. I hate when she drinks like this. She's not even supposed to be drinking!

"Em, your not supposed to be drinking!"

"Okayyy mom. If you wereee my momm you'd be deadd."

"Em! Did you even go to sleep last night? You can be drinking! I'm serious! When did you start?"

"Mmmm I don't know, sometime while you were being a sleepy princess!" She says with a big smile on her face that shows her dimples. God she's irresistible when she smiles like that.

"Come on, I'm taking you to your room. You need to get some rest." I walk over to her, throw her arm over my shoulder and stand her up.

"Are you trying to take advanntage of me?" She giggles and pokes my nose.

"No. I'm pissed and I'm taking you to your room."

I basically drag her up the stairs, as she isn't much help. When we get to her room, I am about to change her into pajamas but I think I should ask. Especially when she's drunk.

"Do you want to change into pajamas Emily?"

"Mmmm." I don't think she's even listening to me, she's laying down on the bed. Her face is blank.

"We're not done talking about this. I hope you know that."I tuck her into bed and decide that I should sit next to her until she falls asleep. Her eyes are shut and she looks so peaceful. I gently stroke her hair, I know this is what used to make her fall asleep in the past. "But for now, just sleep."

It only takes 5 minutes before she finally drifts to sleep. As I move to get up, I see that her hand is resting over mine. I hadn't even noticed that her hand was there. I gently place my lips on her forehead, "sweet dreams Em." I leave the room and close the door as quietly as possible. I decide to go get some breakfast and then head to the pharmacy to pick up Emily's new medication. She'll be out for a while, she hasn't slept for almost a whole day.

When I arrive back home, I sit down and turn the TV on. I really should try to get some work done, but I decide to put it off for a little longer. I don't know what I'm going to do with Emily. She can't be drinking, and I can't leave her by herself. I've left her alone twice, and both times she's managed to hurt herself. I can't yell at her like I'm her mom, and I can't just let it go.

It's close to 5 pm now, so I decide to start cooking. I can always heat the food up for her when she gets up. I am kind of dreading the moment that she will wake up, I have no idea how I'm going to talk to her. I have to talk to her though, I can't just let this one go. She has to und-

"Smells good in here." I jump, she scared the shit out of me. Her voice is hoarse, and her hair is a mess.

"I hope you're hungry. How'd you sleep?"

"I'm always hungry. Not to best, not the worst."

Well, at least she's being honest with me but, I had hoped that she sleep good.

"Well here, this might cheer you up a bit." I slide a bowl over to her. One thing that hasn't changed about that woman is that she sure loves her food.

"Mmmmm. This is good, alfredo right?" I just shake my head. I'm think of the words to say, but I have to talk about this subject lightly.

"Umm Em, you can't be...doing what you were doing last night...not right now anyways."

"Can we-"

"No Emily, we're not going to not talk about it. We're not going to push it aside just so we don't have to talk about it. Why would you do that? You know you're not supposed to be drinking! Why would you do it anyway, when you know how much I hate when you do that to yourself?!" I'm practically yelling, and I know I shouldn't be. I guess yelling is how we actually communicate.

"I just needed the pain to go away Alison."

"Why didn't you tell me? I would've gotten you more Tylenol!"

"You think that's the only kind of pain I have? Do you not realize how hard it is for me to be back here?! Do you not realize that I want to go to sleep, but I can't?! No! You don't! You don't get to judge me, lecture me, or tell me what to do! You have no idea what I've been through, and what I'm still going through!"

"Then help me, help me understand." This time my voice is soft. I hate to see her like this, and I want to help her. The only way I can help her is to show her that she can trust me.

"I need a shower, and I can't do that myself. I can't do anything by myself! Do you know what it's like to need help for everything you do? Or just the simple things that you can't do? I couldn't even get up to grab you a blanket last night! I had to crawl. It was so humiliating, I know that no one saw me, but I know that I couldn't do it. I had to sit on my ass, and slide down the steps just to get down here. One by one. Do you know what that's like? It makes me wish that those people who found me had been 5 minutes later. I would've been dead! The reason why I almost died was because of me too! I pulled the knife out, I was sick of getting beat to a pulp. Everything would be easier if I had died. Now do you understand?"

Tears fill my eyes, but I don't let them escape. I want to kiss her, hold her, and never let her go. I didn't expect her to tell me anything. I expected her to get pissed at me and quit talking. I don't even know what to say. I get up, and hug her as I say "Don't you dare say that every again Emily Fields. Everything would be worse." And I know that it would be worse, I would've received that god damn letter if she died. If she was dead when I read that letter...it would've been a disaster.

As I pull away from our hug, she pulls me back in and kisses me. She kissed me, and my heart flips, breaks, and melts all at the same time.


	11. Chapter 11

This last month has been pretty eventful to say the least. I got my eye patch and sling off, so now I can actually use 2 arms. My eye sight has improved by about 40%, but my doctors think it may only get up to 50%. It's better than seeing nothing. Physical therapy has been going good, according to the doctors. I get frustrated everyday because it feels like I've made no progress. I'm on new medication, which will be over soon. I don't like taking medicine. My ribs will be sore for a long time, my only real concern is my leg. I've ditched the wheelchair too. That's probably been the most beneficial thing that happened this week. I can actually move around a lot better, and I feel less dependent. The biggest thing that happened this week, I kissed Alison. I kissed her. Why did I do that? I was all pissed off at her too, but I kissed her. Now it's made it all awkward. She's been avoiding me, doing 'work' in her office. She told me she's going to have to start going into work once a week, and she said she'd leave me here. Yeah, it's defiantly awkward.

I'm really happy that I'm able to shower myself now. It was pretty awkward having her dress and undress me after I kissed her. I still can't get over the fact that I kissed her. She's getting married! My mind has been working overtime, especially all the alone time. I've had too many flashbacks to count this week, and I think they're only getting worse. I don't know how to stop them, and I don't know what causes them. Not all of them are bad, but I don't think it's normal to be like this. I haven't really been sleeping, and when I happen to fall asleep, it's only for a few hours. If Alison wasn't so busy ignoring me, then she'd be able to fix it. That's what I'm hoping for, they've only gotten worse since her presence has been lifted from me. I'm laying in my room with my hand on my forehead. This is a lot to think about.

 _"Hey Fields! You're not scoring on my this time!"_

 _"Then you better not play goalie Timmy, I always score." I shoot him a wink. I'm hoping this makes him let me score. There's only 10 people playing soccer, not including Timmy. Timmy is always goalie, he swears he played on some huge USA team, but his skills say otherwise. I think playing soccer in my free time has to be my favorite. I don't have much free time, so that's saying a lot. My team always wins, and Timmy is always pissed that he let in so many goals, and this time it's no different. I'm walking back with Timmy and I tease him about the game. I playfully bump into him-_

I feel a hand shaking my arm. "I can see your eyes open Emily. You don't have to ignor-"

"I wasn't ignoring you. I didn't hear you, I was...lost in thought. You've been avoiding me."

"I asked you if you were okay. I have not, every time I try and talk to you, you sit there just staring straight ahead. Then you don't answer me, and it feels like I did something wrong."

"I'm fine. I did something wrong."

"Your not fine. You keep saying that, but I know you. I know you, and I know your not fine. It's okay, it was just a friendly kiss, it didn't mean anything."

It wasn't a friendly kiss for me, and it sure did mean something. "That's because I'm never going to be good again. I'm never going to be where I used to be, I don't even know if I'll ever be in the 'okay phase'. It's easier to cut the bullshit and get to the point."

"You can get help you know? I'm always here for you too."

"I'm trying to go to sleep, alright."

"No, you're not. You haven't been sleeping, I can see that. What can I do to help?"

"I...I don't know. I don't know."

"Let me try something?"

"Sure." 

She sits down next to me and starts stroking my hair. This used to work on me, hopefully it can work now. My body relaxes and I close my eyes. It makes everything go away, her touch is better than alcohol.

"I'm sorry you have to babysit me like a little kid." I feel bad everyday. She's dropped work for me, drives me everywhere, and on top of that her fiancé is not home.

"Shhhhh. It's okay, just rest now."

 _The red dot shines on my abdomen, and the bullet pierces through my stomach. I fall to the floor and put pressure on my wound. A million thoughts are racing through my head, and it feels like I'm frozen in place. Footsteps are getting closer to me, and 2 pairs of black boots come into view. Hands fall on my arms and drag me up. Everything goes black._

I wake drenched in sweat, and I'm sitting up now. I want to move to get up and head to the bathroom to splash water on my face, but a tight grip on my forearm stops me. Alison.

"Hey, you're okay, it was just a nightmare." She pulls me in for a hug and kisses the top of my head. "You're safe." I wish I could stay in this moment forever. After a couple minutes I finally calmed down. Hanna and her have been the only ones who can actually calm me down. I've shot her a couple of texts, but she hasn't really been able to talk to me. That's what she says anyway. I think she's been talking to Alison. Ali takes all calls in front of me, even from Josh. There's alway 1 person she gets calls from and she goes outside, or in the other room to talk.

On the bright side, it's almost thanksgiving. Alison said she was going all out for me, she wants me to have a memorable first thanksgiving back home. My favorite part is the mashed potatoes and the desert. I always hate to think about the day after, my family and I used to put up the Christmas decorations. I haven't put up any decorations since my mom passed, and I plan on keeping it that way. I think I may have to sneak a couple drinks. Alison has been pressing me not to drink, I know how much she hates when I drink.

 _I sip straight from the bottle, and I can hear Alison yelling at me. I don't know what she's saying, and I frankly don't care what she's saying. I stare straight aead, take a swig and lay on my back. I don't even bother to listen or answer Alison, she's just going to tell me to stop drinking. Before I can take another drink she grabs my arm, and tries taking the bottle from me. I dodge her attempt, keeping my booze safe._

 _"Emily! Give it to me, you can't do this every time something bad happens to you!"_

 _"Don't tell me what I can and can not do!" I throw the smash the bottle off the ground and storm away. I walked down to the river, and pulled another bottle from the inside jacket pocket._

I remember I woke up the next morning, covered in leaves and dirt, with an empty bottle next to me. I dug my phone from my pocket and saw 100's of messages from Alison and Hanna. I didn't answer them back, I just simply walked back to my house. I knew that both of them would've stayed there last night, waiting for me to stumble through the door. I still remember both of their faces when I finally walked through the door. Pain, relief, anger...a million words to describe how they felt about me that day.

"Hey, you okay? I asked if you wanted to go down and get some breakfast."

"Oh, um yeah sorry." Why was she here when I woke up? Did she come check on me? Or was I too loud from my 'nightmare'? "How come you were in my bed this morning? I'm not mad, I'm just curious. It kind of took me by surprise."

"Oh...uhh I accidentally fell asleep in your bed last night. I think I actually passed out before you did!"

"Well that is what normally happens nowadays." I had always fallen asleep first. Now, I am very fortunate if I can even fall asleep.

"So, I have a surprise for you. Since it is thanksgiving and all...but, you have to wait until Tuesday night for it!" I see my honest answer has made her uncomfortable.

"Oookayyyy." Uhhh, I'm not a big surprise person, and she knows that. Sometimes she gets me surprised on purpose, just to make me squirm until she gives me something small. Like one time, her surprise was a pizza. So, I'm not expecting anything new now.


	12. Chapter 12

It's finally Tuesday, the past few days have felt like years. The whole time I'm in PT I can't concentrate and I find that I'm nervous. This is the first time Alison is getting me a surprise in a long time. I feel like I should be getting her something, but how would I do that when she has to bring me everywhere? She's still hesitant to let me be alone, considering the facts, I honestly don't blame her.

Josh finally came home, so I got to meet him. He is actually pretty nice. I can actually see us being friends, we get along pretty good. Who knows if his actions are legitimate. Alison has been on cloud 9, she has her 'best friend' back, as she says, her fiancé is home, and she's been able to go into work once a week with Josh being home. How does it get any better? It makes me feel worse now that he's home now, I feel like she's pushing them aside for me. They can't go on dates, they can't watch movies without me being there, they can't eat dinner without me being there. I tried to let her lock me in my room, but she always forces me to stay. I can tell that he makes her happy, and that's what I want. I want her to be happy. That's what she deserves, and right now I couldn't do that for her. I want to be able to do that for her, but my time has run out. I have nothing to give, and that's what hurts the most.

I get in the car and she asks how PT was, it happens everyday and I have the same answer every time. Then she always gets out of the car to go talk to my doctor to see how it actually went. When she gets back she tells me that we have to talk when we get back to her house. Oh great, probably about to lecture me again. Seriously what have I don't wrong this time? I felt like everything was going good, besides the fact that she needs to take care of me. She still treats me like the way she treated me when we first got to her house. You would've thought I was made of glass, and that I still am.

It's been a long day, Alison had to go shopping and my arms are tired. She asked me if I wanted a wheelchair to sit in while we were at the mall, but I felt like I had to refuse. I think that wheelchair may have done more damage than good. What she didn't tell me, was that she was also buying me clothes. She says my clothes are too boring and plain, she complains that I don't wear enough color.

When we finally get back to her house I don't even want to eat. I immediately sit on the couch and turn on a movie. She brings me a plate of food and sits down next to me on the couch. She's nervous, her hands are fidgeting and she won't stop looking at the floor. I turn my attention back to the TV, it's a few moments before she finally speaks up.

"So ummm...can we talk now?"

"Yeah, thanks for the food." I take a small bite and she turns off the TV. Now she's making me nervous.

"Umm...I..I don't really know how to say this but...I uh scheduled you an appointment with a therapist."

"What? Why? Is this supposed to be my surprise?! Great fucking surprise Alison!"

"No, it's just...I can tell something's wrong. And you won't talk to me, so I-"

"If I won't talk to you, what makes you think I'd talk to some stranger?! Why can't you let me handle this on my own? If I wanted to talk about it, I'd tell you!"

"Hey, it's okay. Calm down ev-"

"Calm down?! You're starting to act like my mother! Don't tell me to calm down...honestly, probably your best surprise yet. Congratulations, you really managed to piss me off in 30 seconds. That's definitely record time!"

"Emily I'm sorry, I was just trying to help."

"Yeah well it just made everything worse...are we done now? Or do you want to tell me that I need another new knee, because this one isn't healing fast enough."

"Ummm...actually I have your surprise."

"What that this whole therapy is a joke? Because that'd be the best surprise ever."

She doesn't say another word, she checks her phone and puts it back in her pocket. Her front door opens, it's Hanna. I should be excited to see her, but I'm honestly so pissed at her. I'm pissed at both of my blonde friends. Hanna plops down in the chair that's facing the couch.

"Hey Em! It's so good to see you! I tried to get off of work as soon as I found out you were in the hospital, but I wasn't able too."

"Yeah, nice to see you too. Glad you have time to answer your fucking phone though."

"Uhhhh..." She whips her head over to Alison. "is she high right now? Why is she so pissed?"

"No I'm not high right now. But I'd rather be, or I'd rather be drunk."

"I told her about the therapy..." Alison says. I don't even want to look at her.

"Oh, so she told you...I thought we'd tell you together." Hanna adds.

"You've got to be kidding me?! Hanna, you were in on this? How could you! You know I tried therapy before! How did that work out last time! I take it back Alison, this is the greatest surprise, in the history of surprises."

I get up from the couch, grab my crutches, and head upstairs. I slam my door closed. I throw my crutches on the ground and punch my dresser. I let out a small scream and punch it again. My knuckles are split open and blood is running all over my hand and down my arm.

 _I look down at my hands and they're covered in blood. My blood. My bullet holes have stopped bleeding, but my nose and minor cuts on my face still ooze with blood. I probably look like I should be on the walking dead. I'll surely have the limp to be a zombie now...if I ever make it out of here. I am being fed 3 meals a day, 2 crackers (that taste like cardboard) and a small bottle of water. I usually take a sip of water and pour the rest on my wounds. Every meal is served with a stroke to my face. They're trying to beat the answers out of me, but I will not crack. I haven't even though about giving up the plans. Each day that passes, he threatens to hurt more people, but he doesn't realize that I know if ever gave them up, he'd hurt everyone. He'd hurt everyone, even though he promised not too. I know better than that, I've gotten pretty good at seeing through people lies throughout all these years. Alison has lied to me before, and I can tell when she's lying. Hanna is almost worse though, she lies to me more often, and her lying skills are sub par. The man comes back in the room and tells me that I have a choice, I can give up the plans, or die. I'm honestly a little relieved that he's given me the choice to die. I'm ready to._

Hands shake my shoulders and 2 blondes are standing in front on me.

"God, what guys?"

"Ummm...Em, we've been standing here for 20 minutes. All you've been doing is staring, and your hand is bleeding. Pretty bad actually." I can hear the concern in Hanna's voice.

"Sorry." I look down at my hand and see that blood is still pouring out. "Just put some bandages on it and it'll be fine."

"Em, why do you keep doing this to yourself?" I've never heard Hanna's voice so soft.

"Do what? This is the first time I've done this." I lift up my hand to show Hanna.

"She means bottle everything up, and handle it by hurting yourself." Alison finally chimes in, and it hurts to hear her say that. She's watched me get drunk countless times, and saw how it's effected my life.

"I don't want to do this...I...I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix it this time."

"Fix what?" They both say in unison. I don't know what to say with out sounding crazy. But this is crazy. It happens all the time, and I can't shut it off.

"I...I uh don't really know how to explain it."

"It's okay, you can tell us. Alison and I will be here for you no matter what."

"I feel like I'm going insane." Tears roll down my cheeks. Hanna hugs me, and Alison wipes the tears from my cheeks. I quiver under her touch.

"Em we're here for you, we always have been." Alison says as she now hugs me too.

When I'm ready to talk about it, and finally able to put into words what's happening I'd like to tell them. I don't want to tell other people, they are my best friends. I don't think I could trust someone else with my feeling and my past other than Alison and Hanna.

"It's like I'm still there...I can't make it stop..." That's all I can say. I don't know how they would take it if I told them what actually happened to me. I can't even take it. It's a really fucked up situation and I'm doing the best I can. I don't want to burden Alison more than I already am, and Hanna hasn't been answering me. I think she just didn't want to spoil the surprise.

"I know you don't want to hear this but...you need help. Otherwise it's never going to stop, it'll never get better." Alison always knew what to say, but she was right. I really didn't want to hear that. I don't want to be going to more appointments to talk about what happened, I want to just forget. That's why drinking is my answer. It makes me forget, and when I remember I can start over again.

"Hey, maybe Alison and I can take you shopping tomorrow. I know it's the day before thanksgiving, but that doesn't mean we still can't go!"

"Actually Han, can we go to dinner, or lunch, or a movie? I went shopping with Alison today and my arms are really tired." I hadn't told Alison that, so she looks at me with the sympathetic 'I'm sorry' eyes.

"Yeah Em, we can do that. You should get some sleep, we'll leave you alone."

Before Alison can get up I grab her arm, "Can you help me? Stay...please?" She nods her head, and tells Hanna that she'll be down in a few minutes. She tucks me in, and sits on the left side of me. I snuggle up next to her and she starts stroking my hair. This has helped me sleep a lot. I'm halfway out of it, but I throw my arm over her and hug her tight. I haven't felt this relaxed, safe, or normal in a very long time.

And in this moment, I am happy.


	13. Chapter 13

Thanksgiving was surprisingly good. Hanna kept me good company for the most part. Alison and Josh went to a friends house. I guess Josh promised them they'd go after dinner. Hanna questioned me, so I had a drink. Hanna didn't stop me, which was nice. I forced Alison to let me stay with Hanna so she could finally be alone with Josh for a few days. Hanna had to go back, but she promised me she'd come back for Christmas. When she brought me back to Alison's house, Josh stormed out of the house with a giant suitcase. He looked pissed. Hanna couldn't come inside, otherwise she'd be late for her flight. She carried my bags to the porch and hugged me. I go inside to ask Alison for help with my bags. When I walk in, there's picture frames on the ground and Alison is sitting in the kitchen with her back to me. I start to walk/crutch over to her. I'm able to put some pressure on my leg now, and she doesn't know that. It happened 3 days ago when I was with Hanna.

"Look." I say as I life up both crutches in the air and continue to walk towards her. I don't move very far, or fast but it's better than nothing. She turns to reveal a class of wine sitting in front of her, and when she sees me the biggest smile flashes upon her face.

"Oh my god, that's amazing! I'm so proud of you." She gets up from her chair and moves towards me. She hugs me and twirls me around, my feet inches off the floor. I drop my crutches and my arms find their way around her neck. I do the stupidest thing possible, I kiss her. It wasn't just a sweet kiss like the last one either. It was deep, passionate kiss. She puts me down, but doesn't break our lips. I have to stop, this isn't the time to tell her everything. This isn't how I want to tell her, I need to tell her in a real conversation. Before I can pull away she does.

"I'm sorry." I say, I grab my crutches and head up to my room. God that was embarrassing. I need a fucking drink, but I can't go down there. I can't face her right now, not until I can think of how to tell her. I decide to take a shower, and hopefully clear my mind.

Hanna helped me out, she got me through the nights and even managed to be a great advice giver. She quit asking me questions about Iraq, and started asking about how everything was with Alison.

 _"So how's everything been going with Ali?"_

 _"Mostly good, we've fought a couple times. I really fucked up though Han."_

 _"What? Why?!"_

 _"I kissed her. I kissed her and she's engaged!"_

 _"I know."_

 _"It's bad, I know! But I'm-wait. What? You know? How the hell do you know?"_

 _"She called me Em. She was more freaked out about it than you are right now."_

 _"See, I fucked it up. Again! She's going to kick me out next time I screw up!"_

 _"Emily relax. She's not going to kick you out. She was freaked out...because..she still kind of cares about you."_

 _"Yeah well I still love her too."_

 _"So you do?"_

 _"Yeah Han, I never stopped. I just fucked up, and couldn't figure out what to do or say to fix it. It's hard, it's hard being back here. It's hard being in that house, with them in the next room. Sleeping in the same bed."_

 _"You should tell her you know. She deserves to know."_

 _"She's happy. I don't want to tell her and then she ends up spiraling down hill and lose him. She needs better than what I am able to offer right now."_

 _"She doesn't even want him Emily, she wants you."_

I don't know how to have this conversation with Ali. I guess I'm just going to have to wing it, because when I get back into my room, Ali is sitting on the bed looking at a few of my books. This isn't awkward or anything. I want to say a million things, but the words won't come out.

"Hey, can we talk?" She says. I feel a lump in my throat, my hands are shaking and I'm so nervous.

"Umm yeah." It's silent for a few minutes, I think we were both waiting for each other to start.

"So Em, I just wanted to tell you...that I still-"

"Stop. It should be me who's saying this. So let me talk." Okay Emily, you can do this. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that something happened between you and Josh. I'm sorry that I left you. I hated myself for hurting you like that. I ruined us, over some stupid drunken mistake. You didn't deserve that. I hate to even say it, but I'm sorry for that night. Paige was nothing to me, but I ruined everything. I'm sorry I couldn't read your letters, I'm sorry that I never came back. I should've never left. But in a way, I'm not sorry. Not coming back changed me. I was going to come home this Christmas, and try to fix everything. It's true. It took me 5 years, to finally give it a shot. And when I got back, I froze. I wanted to tell you the first time I saw you. I couldn't, I just couldn't. Nothing I've done has been perfect. You want to know how I made it all this time in Iraq? You. Every time I've been shot...every time I've been shot at. It was the thought of patching things up. I knew it would never be like it used to, but that's what made everything okay. You were my home. I didn't have a home anymore, and I wanted that back. I hate that it was so easy for me to kill people. I thought that if I didn't kill them, they'd kill me. Which was true, but I didn't really want to die. I mean I did...but the point I'm trying to make is...I didn't want to die without a home. You've always been the one, I knew that when I fell in love with you, that you were the one. You were my home. You still are my home." That might've been a little overboard. It's a lot to process. Her face is wet from tears and she hasn't said anything yet. The silence tells me that, once again, I've fucked up and it's time to go live on my own. "It's okay-you're happy, and honestly deserve nothing more. I can't make you happy anyway...I'll go." I stand up to start packing my things in my suitcase and manage to stuff a few things in before I'm stopped.

"No. No, I'm not happy. No, you're not leaving. Em, I fucked up too. Josh...he and I...we um...we slept together."

"Yeah? That is kind of what you do when you are going to get married."

"No...that's not what I mean. I mean...before. Before we broke up."

"You mean...before I slept with Paige? Wow...well this makes everything better."

"I know...but...everything isn't okay. I'm not happy, I never was happy with Josh. That's why he left, that's why the house is a mess. I told him to leave, I gave him the ring back."

"Andddd you'd do that because...?"

"Because of you Em."


	14. Chapter 14

Well this could go one of two ways, either she blames me for them breaking up, or she did it because she still loves me. My heart is still practically on the floor. I can't believe she slept with him before we broke up.

"Why?"

"Because I still...love you. I love you. When you were gone the last few days, it was like you left all over again. That's when I knew, I knew that I still cared. But know I know."

"Things have changed...I'm not the same person I used to be. I'm broken. I'm fucking broken, and you just put the last weight on to make me break."

"You don't realize this, but you are the same sweet, loving, caring, compassionate person. You've always been that way."

"I need some air. Don't follow me."

I grab my crutches and start down the road. I don't know where I'm going, I just know that I need time to think. That could have gone a lot worse, but it feels like I've been hit by a truck. She completely blindsided me. I thought this whole time, I ruined our relationship. She ruined it, I don't even know when. There's no way I could've asked when it happened, I think that would hurt me even more to know. Cars pull to the side of the road and ask me if I need a ride somewhere. I decline, telling them I'm just going for a walk. I've reached the park, and my arms are tired, and my knee is throbbing. It throbs when it's cold out, I don't try and walk on it when it's cold. I sit down on a swing and look at the lake.

Before I know it, the sun is starting to set, and I see a familiar face. Aria, the news lady. She's with some guy, and a little kid. I'm assuming that's her family. She sees me, and starts walking towards me.

"Hey! How've you been doing? You look a lot better than the last time I saw you!"

"Well thanks, but I'm doing good." I tease.

"What are you doing here this late?"

"Oh, I just needed to clear my head. How did your article do? Can't imagine very good, I didn't give you very many details."

"No, it was great! It was very popular, people loved it. I'm waiting on my next big break now, this one will get me promoted."

"Well I can help you. You know, if you wanted. I think I'm finally ready to talk about it. You can ask me anything."

"Really?! I thought about hunting you down again, but seeing how our last interview went..."

"Yeah, it's okay. I've got nothing else to do. Here, let me give you my phone number." I type my number into her phone.

"Awesome! I'll text you details. Do you need a ride back home?"

"No. I'm good, thank you though!"

She's right, it's getting late. It's getting pretty dark out, and it looks like it's going to rain. I decide to get up, and start heading back. I only make it a few feet before it starts to pour. The rain doesn't bother me though, I actually enjoy the rain and I keep on my way back to Alison's house. I see a bolt of lightning and wait for the imminent noise that follows.

BOOM.

 _Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Grenades go off one by one. I've taken shelter behind a building, and I try to find a way to higher ground. There's no pathway in the alley between the two buildings. I look for an entry way to either building, there's one to each building. I try the door to the building on my right, since it is more levels. Locked. I turn to go try the other door, when I see something. A round ball circling near me. Run. I can't run forward, I'll get myself shot, but I can't stay here. I run as fast as I can to the back of the alley...Boom. My eyes flutter open, I am alive. Blood runs down my face, and I have cuts on my face, and I see blood on my legs and stomach. I get up, very slowly and my ears are ringing. I look down the alley, to see people firing, but they're firing in the wrong direction. I dig my gun out of the debris, and start firing. Bodies fall to the ground. I soon feel myself falling. I lost my breath, I think I fell on something. When I finally catch my breath, I try getting up. Hands stops me, and faces appear in my face. Their mouths move, their hands rest on my shoulder. I can't hear anything they're saying, my ears are still ringing. I look to my right shoulder, all I see is blood. Blood covers their hands, and drips down onto my jacket._

 _"Did we get them all? Was anyone hurt?" My voice is raspy, at least what I can tell anyway. My ears still ring, but I can make out a few sounds._

 _"Yeah, we did. You got most of them. 14 of 20 to be exact. Everyone is fine except you. Let us get you fixed up now."_

"Em, come on! You have to help me! I can't drag you to the car." My eyes fixate on Alison. I don't say anything, and I see that she's soaking wet.

"Emily! Come on!"

I get in the car, soaked, and she waits to turn the key in the ignition. I can feel her staring at me, and I know she was worried about me. I don't say a single word, until we get back to her house. The fireplace is going, and she's in the kitchen making me hot chocolate.

"Drink this, then we'll get you in the shower you need to warm up." Her hands touch mine as I grab the cup. "You're freezing Em."

"How-how'd you find me?"

"I watched which way you left, when it started raining I drove down the road figuring I'd find you."

"When was it?"

"Like 10 minutes ago."

"No, when you slept with Josh..the first time."


	15. Chapter 15

Alison's POV

Shit. Why would she even want to know when it was? I want to run out the door and never look back. This is going to break her heart.

"Umm...like a year after you left, and then-"

"It happened more than once?! Alison! How could you do that?!"

"I feel bad, trust me."

"Why would I ever fucking trust you again? Why didn't you just break up with me when it happened! You should've at least told me!"

"Yeah, I know...but-"

"I need to leave before... I get myself into trouble."

"You just got back. It's late, and you still haven't changed out of your wet clothes."

"I'm just going to get soaked anyway, so what's the fucking point?"

She slams the door. Well fuck that could've gone better. I should've expected worse. I sit in silence for over an hour, and picture frames are still sprawled out on the floor. It's been hours since she left and I plan on staying in this very spot until she gets back. If she even comes back.

The door flies open. Josh. I really don't need him storming back in here after today.

"Where is she?"

"I don't know. She left."

"Alison, you tell me where she is right now!"

"I'm right here." Emily enters the living room, and Josh whips his head toward her.

He walks over to Emily and hits her. He hits her again. "C'mon you stupid bitch fight back." He swings again. She falls to the floor, her crutches crash to the floor with her, and he gets on top of her. "She deserves a broken, mentally unstable bitch just like you." He hits her over and over. I can't even watch, and I have no words. I've frozen in this moment. I didn't think Josh would do this. "You ruined my relationship!" Blood spills from Emily's face. He keeps hitting her. He has to stop, Emily's been through enough already, and he's not making it any better.

"Josh! Stop!" I plead, but it's no use.

"You ruined mine first." Emily's comment generates a crushing blow to her face. Emily doesn't even flinch. Why hasn't she fought back yet? I know she could get him off of her. He finally gets bored, or realizes what he's been doing, and gets up and leaves. This should've ended a long time ago, it actually never should've even happened. I'm shocked at what just happened in front of me, Josh hitting a woman, and Emily not doing anything about it. She yelled at me for paying her hospital bill. She was livid actually. She's hit things before when she's been mad, and she had to leave tonight before she did something 'to get her in trouble', so why didn't she fight back?

Emily slowly gets up and makes her way to the kitchen. She opens the freezer and grabs an ice pack. She sits down at the island in the kitchen and rests the ice pack on her face.

"Wh-why'd you let him do that to you? I know you could kick his ass."

"It felt like I was in that little room again, and I froze. It's fine. Really, I'll be okay." Her voice is softer than I've ever heard it before. It's almost a whisper.

"Okay...well, why'd you come back then?"

"How could I not come back? I thought about it, and clearly you still have feelings for me, and I still have feelings for you. I just figure it's now, or never. One last chance."

"One last chance..."

"Well when you're ready, of course."

"I am ready. Come on, I need to clean you up. Okay?"

"Okay, but be gentle, it hurts already."

"Don't worry, I will be."

I'm glad things worked out between Emily and I. At the same time though, I feel a little bit responsible for this happening to Emily. I mean, I didn't have to tell Josh that it was Emily. I also can't help but feel bad for her, it reminded her of that god damn place. It seemed like she was finally getting less and less flashbacks, but now I'm sure new ones will arise. She was making really good progress and I just hope that this doesn't stop that.

After I get her cleaned up, I drag her down the stairs and put on a movie. I turn the fireplace on, I know that she likes to stare at it, and she snuggles into me. She hasn't said a word since after the whole ordeal with Josh, and she's had the same blank expression on her face since. She hasn't taken her eyes off the fire since we got down stairs, but I don't mind. As long as she's here everything seems right, everything seems normal. She falls asleep, and I cover her with the blanket. Even with a cut up and bruised up face, she still looks peaceful.

It hurts me that she's been through so much and she's still so young. I wish there was a way that I could make all the pain away for her, but I know in time she will be okay. She just needs to believe it too.


	16. Chapter 16

The past few days have been pretty strange. Alison's been waiting on me hand and foot, and it's pretty demoralizing. She's afraid to touch me. She's afraid to hug me. She's afraid to hold me. She's even more afraid to kiss me. She stares at my with those blue eyes, and I can't take it, I can't take the it. It's the way she looks at me. She looks at me like...like she finally believes me that I'm broken. I know I could've gotten Josh off of me, and she knows it too.

I stare at the fireplace, as I'm lost in thought. Ali said that she was going to go get groceries for dinner. I've lost track of time, so I don't know how long she's been gone. It feels like it's been hours. A while later, she walks through the door. I don't take my attention off the flames.

"Hey, I ended up skipping the grocery store. I got us your favorite." She says. "Em, you okay?" She sits next to me, and places her hands on my arm.

"Hmm?" I break my attention from the fire to look at her. She's doing it again. Her blue eyes never leave my brown eyes.

"I got you sesame chicken from Hunan Garden. I thought we could have a movie night or something?"

"Thanks. Sure."

We basically eat in silence. She makes some small talk about what happened at Hunan Garden, and other things about her day. I'm not really interested, I'm engrossed by the fire.

"Okay, so what do you want to watch?"

"I don't care." My eyes shift from the fire to the TV.

"Alright...Well, I wanted to watch a movie with you, so you should pick it out."

"Why?"

"Because that's what couples do?"

"No, why do I have to pick? I don't even know what half the movies are about."

"Just read the summaries on the back."

"Uhhh, fine."

She hands me a big stack of movies to go through. I think that it's going to be morning before I pick a movie. I can feel her eyes on me as I go through the movies, and it makes me uncomfortable.

"I can't do this."

"Emily, it's just a movie. We don't have to wat-"

"This. I can't do this." I motion my hands between us.

"What? What do you mean?"

"You have to stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?!" Her voice raises a bit.

"Like I'm literally going to break into a hundred pieces. Like I'm going to go awol on you. You have to stop. I can't take it anymore."

"Oh...I'm just worried about you. You've been distant."

"Yeah, I can't take the fucking staring. Don't change how you act because I let someone beat me."

"Yeah, but...he-"

"No. it doesn't matter. No buts. Now you're going to stop pretending I'm a piece of glass."

"I never-"

"I can see it in your eyes. I know you."

"Okay."

"Okay."

I ended up picking The Great Gatsby. Alison said that it's good, and I remember her sending the book over to Iraq for me to read. I never read though, if I had free time I tried to stay busy. I actually haven't even touched the book. She starts the movie, grabs a blanket and nuzzles against me. It's hard to concentrate on the movie, I'm lost in thought. This is the most affectionate action she's made since we got back together. Although, I don't really consider us being back together, she's was more affectionate when she was with Josh.

I pause the movie, and she whips around to look at me.

"What? What's wrong?"

"I...um...I'd actually rather talk. If that's okay?"

"Oh, sure. What did you want to talk about?"

"Well I actually saw Aria, that reporter, and I told her I'd give her another interview. It's scheduled 2 days from now, on Monday."

"Okay..."

"I told her nothing was off limits to ask. So, I just wanted you to know first."

"Well technically I wasn't the first person to know. She knew about the interview, you did, her bosses did."

"That's not what I meant."

"Wha-what are you talking about then?"

"Iraq. Ask me anything. Or any other questions, I don't care."

"Are you sure? I can just watch the interview after."

"I'm sure, but you can't judge my answers."

"No, I never would! It takes a lot to say what's happened to you, or what's been on your mind. I'm proud of you, no matter what."

"Yeah, well I'm not proud of everything. But, we can wait to do this tomorrow, or now. Whatever you want."

"Okay.." She stays silent for a few minutes, and I know she's debating on whether to do this tonight or tomorrow. "Tonight, then we can relax before Monday."

"Okay. I guess it's better anyway, if you forget anything you can just ask me tomorrow."

"Okay." 

She leaves the living room for a minute. When she returns she has a glass and a bottle of vodka.

"Here, just in case. But I'll cut you off if it's too much." She pours a glass and sets it in front of me. "Okay..."

—–—

Authors note:

Okay. Sorry to say it's been a while since I've been able to update. I've had a really busy weekend, and didn't really have time to write!

Any suggestions or comments for me? Review!


	17. Chapter 17

She sits down across from me, and her eyes are focused on my. I can already see the sympathy in her eyes.

"Alright, so let's start with something easy. What was it like over there?"

"Well you'll have to be specific." I chuckle. "There's a lot that happened over there." She's silent, I don't think she really knows what specifics she wants to hear. So I decide for her. "Well it was really hot and humid. Dusty. Pretty lonely actually. It was never quiet. I could barely sit long enough to read your letters, or write back to you. It was hard, at first. Later on...it...it was like easy. Not easy, but...everything just faded. I don't know...it's really hard to explain. After...after everything happened between us, it definitely became a lot easier."

"What do you mean by that?!"

"I...I just wasn't as worried. That's all, it's not a bad thing."

"What you weren't worried to die anymore?!" I can tell she's actually getting mad at me, but she said she wouldn't. This is why I never want to tell her things.

"Yes! God, yes! Each day, each morning, each night, I was worried about you! I was worried about you getting the call."

"Oh...well how come you won't let me call you killer anymore?"

"Because that's exactly what I am. In the beginning it was like, stay away as much as possible. But, after my promotion...that's exactly what I was."

"But you were doing it for our country. To protect the USA."

"I know what I was doing. But it's how I felt, how I still feel. At first, I'd lay awake at night. I couldn't sleep. I knew they were against us, but I still took a life away from people. After, it didn't faze me anymore. I feel like a monster. I'm ashamed, and that's how I got promoted. Because I was a "hero" not because I worked hard. Because I killed so many people." And this causes my first drink. I pour myself another glass in preparation.

"No, you got promoted because you saved so many people. You are a hero. You're a god damn hero. Don't you dare think otherwise Emily."

"I killed people. I took someone away from their family." I take the glass again and take a drink. I keep the glass in my hands and swirl the drink in the glass.

"Well they could've taken you from your family!"

"I don't have any family left! You know that!" I down the rest of my glass.

"I'm sorry about that, but you have me. You've got me." I pour myself another glass and set the bottle down. She takes the bottle and brings it into the kitchen.

"I would've stopped you after the last one but I think you might need it after this."

"Oh, great."

"What was it like, being stuck in that room? Couldn't you've just given the guy what he wanted?"

"Damn right about me needing this last drink." I take a sip. I want to salvage my last drink. "Uhh, no. Not even an option for me. They couldn't get anything from anyone else, they wouldn't know the real plans. So it was really just a matter of time for them, at least that's what they thought. All wounds were strategically placed. They were meant to inflict pain, but not kill me. That day though, he left the knife in me. He knew I wouldn't have the strength to attack him. I saw it as my opportunity to leave. To get out. When I woke up, I wanted to be dead. I was in so much pain. I thought I was still there...and well you know the rest." I drink the last of the vodka from my glass, glad that I go through the worst part. It'll make Monday a little easier going over it once, but not having a pick me up will be hard. I can really feel the booze starting to kick in now. I haven't had more than 3 shots in a while, and I've just had about 4 times that amount. I know I'm going to regret it later, but I'm thankful for it now.

Alison goes into the kitchen, and comes back with some food and water. She sits next to me again, and she turns on the TV. She returns to her previous position, snuggled close to me.

"You're only getting close to me now because you know how I get when I'm drunk." This makes her laugh.

"Maybe, but so what if I am? What are you coming to do about it?"

"You'll find out later." I say with a smile on my face. She turns to look at me and gives me a quick kiss. Her head rests back onto my chest. I feel myself slowly start to slip away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I wake up to see that it's 10 o'clock. My head is pounding and the sunlight isn't helping. I realize that I'm not in my room, I'm in Ali's room. I roll over, and my head feels like it's about to explode. Ali isn't here, I'm not surprised though. I walk down stairs, and I see she's sitting at the kitchen island. I walk over to the cabinet and get a glass to get some water.

"I see you didn't put clothes on."

I look down to see what I'm wearing, or not wearing for that matter. I see I'm only wearing my sports bra and panties.

"Oh. I didn't even notice, my head hurts too much. What happened last night?"


	18. Chapter 18

"Well, you hit on me, and then you tried like 100 pick up lines to get me into bed. After all your efforts didn't work, you got mad and sat on the floor. It was quite hilarious. I waited until you passed out to carry you upstairs, didn't want you to think you'd get lucky."

"Oh boy." I laugh. "Wait, you carried me upstairs? Why didn't you just leave me down here?"

"I did indeed. I will admit, I had to set you down a few times for a break though. But I wanted to sleep in my own bed, and I needed to be there in case you needed something."

"Hey, you're not supposed to comment on a girls weight!" I wink, and give her a playful laugh.

"It's all muscle babe, you've never looked better."

Everything between us feels better since last night. She even called me babe, which I love. Basically anything she says to me at this point I love. We have a typical lazy Sunday, and I don't even bother to put clothes on. We sit on the couch, and she turns on Netflix. She gets into her favorite position when we watch something, cuddled up next to me with her head resting on my chest. Clearly she's seen Grey's Anatomy before, she's not even paying attention. Her fingertips trace the scars on my stomach. I actually hate all my scars, I never look at them. They're so ugly, half of them were sewn up quickly, so they healed nasty. The ones from the hospital are nice and clean, but they're thick.

We've watched 2 seasons today, and I really like this show. Ali watched a little but was mostly engrossed by my scars. She got up to get us food and what-not. She didn't want me to miss anything. She even paused it when I had to go pee. We go up to bed at 11:30, I have my interview tomorrow morning. Aria said that it was going to be some big event, so I should get some rest. She said it was going to be like one of those big hour and a half long CNN interviews. Honestly, I don't know if I could even talk about normal stuff for an hour and a half. That's crazy. When she told me that, I got a little nervous. That's a long time. How am I going to make it through the interview for that long? I don't want to have a mental breakdown during it either. The flashbacks have improved a lot, but they still happen. And I still don't know what triggers them.

I wake the next morning and immediately hop in the shower. Ali must be cooking breakfast or something, because I can smell bacon. She helps me get ready, asking what I want to wear, how I want to wear my hair, jewelry, and all that kind of stuff. I decide on jeans with a simple white shirt and my pair of white converse. I tuck my dog tags inside my shirt, but let the ring Ali gave me hang outside my clothes.

We arrive at 10, to get ready for hair and makeup. The interview starts at 11, and should last until shortly after noon. I tell Ali she can leave if she would like, maybe go get some work done at the office, and she decides to do that. She already is recording the damn interview on the TV at her house, so she can just watch it later. I think it'll be less stressful without her here anyway.

"Good morning, we have a very special guest here today. We've interviewed her before, but not like this. We've got Emily Fields here today!"

I walk over to my designated chair, give a smile and a slight wave and sit down.

"So we found out last time that you were in the army for 8 years."

"Yeah, it doesn't feel like 8 years has gone by though."

"It goes by fast that's for sure. We also learned a little bit about Iraq, and a little bit about you. Today, we're here to learn a lot about Iraq and a lot about you."

"Okay!"

"So when I saw you last, you were in the park, but before that you were being wheeled in to Alison DiLaurentis' home, is that where you still live?"

"Yeah, that's really the only place I've got to go as of now. I don't hate being there, I wouldn't want to be somewhere else. She takes care of me, and literally brings me everywhere. She waits at all my PT appointments, it's crazy really. I'm very thankful that I have someone like her to help me out right now."

"Aww, that's great. A good support system always makes everything better. I see you've ditched the sling and eye patch. How has your healing process going? You look better, a lot better actually."

"Thank you! It's going good, funny story actually. That night you interviewed me, I ended up in the hospital about an hour later. I fell out of the car onto a rock, had to get more stitches on my stomach. My eye is at about 70%, and the doc said that's about as good as it's going to get. My leg has gotten some motion back, and I can walk a bit, but I still need to use the crutches."

"Well that sounds like it's going okay! No real set backs, that's always great to hear. I see that you've got some new cuts and bruise on your face, what happened?"

"Oh, I just got into a fight. It's no big deal. Well, actually, I didn't fight back...but it's okay."

"Why didn't you fight back?"

"It wasn't worth it. I don't waste my time or energy if it's not worth it."

"Wise. Why did you get into this 'fight'?"

"I honestly couldn't tell you, I wasn't exactly sober, if you know what I mean."

"I think we've all been there at some point. So what's the story behind that ring that you wear?"

"Uh, it was actually a gift from Ali one Christmas. I couldn't wear it on my finger and I still wanted to wear it, so I just threw it on a chain."

"Well that's sweet. Are you guys still getting along then? I imagine you two get sick of each other sometimes."

"We've always been close. I've blown up at her more times than she's done to me, but that's how a healthy relationship works."

"Oh, so you guys are in a relationship?"

"Mmm, yes. We were before I left for basic training, and then a few years after I was deployed to Iraq, but then it just didn't work out. Now, we've found a way back to each other."

"Distance really puts a strain on a-"

"It wasn't distance that killed us, it was me. I kind of went into a downward spiral, and she just happened to be a drain that I passed along the way."

"Well it's good to hear that you've been able to repair you're relationship! With that, we will take a quick break, you're here with Aria Montgomery for Mining Journal news."


	19. Chapter 19

"We're back with Ms. Fields. So, how is it being back in Rosewood?"

"It's hard. I definitely thought it would be easy, I think it's harder being at home than being in Iraq."

"And why is that?"

"I have too much time. Free time, that is. I have too much time to think. It's hard not having my parents here, I miss them a lot. Back in Iraq, I'd push all the thoughts out of my head. I had to, otherwise I wouldn't be here right now."

"What do you do during this free time at home?"

"Usually just sit around, try cleaning. But I never end up getting very far. It takes me a while to get around with my leg, so usually Alison stops me when she gets home."

"Hmmm. Well we have to ask, what was it like in battle?"

"Uhh, I don't really know how to explain it. Your mind works like a video game, but obviously it's real. That's the scariest part, the fact that it's real. Your buddy gets shot, and you just hope that they can make it through."

"So you were shot before? Where were you shot?"

"Yeah, in my right shoulder, and two into my stomach area. Then I was shot 2 more times that day, in my stomach and knee."

"Wow. Some people aren't as lucky as you are. So let's talk about that day."

"Yeah, that's true I guess. What specifically?"

"What happened? How were you taken?"

"It was just another normal day. I woke up at 3, went to the abandoned building to watch the stars fade before he sun came up. I was ready to leave when the bullet went through my stomach."

"Why would you go in an abandoned building? It was reported that you didn't have to be in there."

"Yeah, I didn't have too. I went up there every morning. It was a place for me to clear me head, and read a letter."

"A letter?"

"Yes. The same one every day."

"What was it about."

"My death letter."

"Who is it for? What's it say?"

"Only I know that, so this is the one side question I won't answer."

"Okay...well what happened to you while you were kidnapped?"

"Exactly what the reports say. I was almost beat to death. Bullet wounds and stab wounds were meant to inflict pain, not death. It was supposed to make me talk, but I wasn't going to do that. It was never an option."

"Then how come when you were found, you were unconscious. You lost too much blood, that would've killed you."

"I did it to myself."

"What-what do you mean?"

"I pulled the knife out. I...I was done. I was over all the pain, I wanted it to be over. I knew they wouldn't kill me, they'd keep me alive to get answers. It was tough, being in there for that long. I hardly got any food or water, so that didn't really help either. When I woke up in the hospital they told me I lost over 15 pounds in that week. I was given 2 crackers for each 'meal', and they tasted like cardboard. I'd only get a sip of water each time too. By the end of the week, it took too much energy to get to the crackers and water."

"I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. We all are."

"It's okay, it's made me a stronger and better person."

"It's great knowing that you have been able to be so positive throughout this all."

"I've got 2 really great friends in Alison and Hanna, they've helped me through a lot. I know I can count on both of them, and they've always had my back. I'm thankful for their friendship and love through this process. Without them, it would've been 50 times harder."

"Well I just want to say thank you again for letting me interview you, and thank you again for your service. I hope everything goes well!"

"Thank you."

The cameras shut off, and I finally feel free. It's feels good getting it off my chest. People can finally stop asking me what happened and how I feel about everything. I don't mind it coming from Hanna or Ali. Ali picks me up around 12:30. She asks me how it went, and my reply is good. I tell her that she'll be able to watch later tonight. She decides to make a day for us. We go to lunch, and then shop a little bit. As we walk by in the mall, my eyes catch on every jewelry store that we pass. I want to get her something for Christmas, but it'll be hard when she literally brings me everywhere. I might just have to get Hanna to help me out.

We end up leaving the mall at 9, but she wanted to leave earlier because of my leg. I told her that I was fine, and if I wanted to leave because it hurt, I would've told her. I ended up buying us dinner in the mall. We got a few new bags full of clothes. I'm most happy about a new pair of shoes. I haven't bought a new pair in what seems ages. I've basically worn boots for the past 8 years. It takes an hour to get home, and I bring the bags up to her room. She meets me up there and hugs me from behind. I grab her hands and give them a kiss.

"Thanks for today, it was fun." I say.

"I agree. It was fun. Let's go down and watch your interview, I want to watch it."

"You go down, in exhausted. I'm going to try and sleep, just come up when you're ready for bed."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Now go watch, I know you're dying to watch it." I give her a quick kiss before she heads downstairs. I wait until I hear the TV turn on, then I pull out my phone and dial Hanna's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey Han, I need your help."

"Okay, look. Everything's going to be fine, you didn't fuck up this-"

"Hanna! That's not what I need your help with."

"Oh. Sorry. What's up?"

"I need you to pick up Ali a present for me."

"Why can't you do it?"

"Han, she literally brings me everywhere. Plus I want it to be a total surprise. Like I'm planning on smaller gifts, but...this one...is big."

"Emily. You better not do anything stupid!"

"Hanna, I know what I'm doing. It's too soon for that. I know exactly what your thinking."

"Okay...well then what are you talking about?"

"Just a necklace Han."

"Em, how big of a necklace are we talking about?"

"Han it doesn't matter! Will you do it for me or not?"

"Yeah, but I'm not paying for it!"

"Don't worry, I'll transfer the money to your account. I'll send you a picture of what to get. You better delete after you get it too, I don't want her to find out. Thank you. Really Han, thank you."

"Yeah yeah yeah. You need to before me, she'll go through your phone before mine! By the way, saw your interview. Thanks for the shoutout."

"Yup. Okay, I'm going to go, but I'll send you the picture!"

"Alright, bye Em. Love you. Talk soon."

"Love you too. Bye."

I pull up the picture of the necklace and send it to Hanna. I know she's probably going to freak out, but it's going to be worth it. Not even a minute passes before I get a text back from Hanna.

H-Emily! Are you fucking kidding me?! 7,000 dollars?

E-What?! I think it's perfect for her!

H-Yeah Em, it'd be perfect for anyone. What are you going do, buy her a 100,000 dollar engagement ring?!

E-No, only 65,000.

H-Emily! Don't waste all your money!

E-It's not a ways if I spend it on her. Now, are you going to do it for me or not?

H-Uhhh, fine.

E-Thank you! :)


	20. Chapter 20

"Em? Are you still awake?"

"Hmmm?" I mumble as she's just woken me up from my sleep.

"Sorry, but I can't get something off my mind."

"Hmmmm?"

"Um, why were you in that building alone, and who was that letter for?"

"Mmm, I went there to think...and watch stars."

"That was our thing...is that why you went?"

"Mhmmmm." I haven't even opened my eyes, I'm actually really tired.

"Well who was the letter for? What does it say?"

"Mmmm, doesn't matter. Go to sleep now, okay?"

Christmas Eve.

Hanna's been her for over a week now. She's been staying in my room, and she has the necklace hidden in that room. All the presents are under the tree, besides that one. At least that I know of. There's some for Hanna under there too. There isn't an overwhelming amount of gifts, but there is actually a lot. Hanna has brought some gifts with her, so that's only added to our total. We sit in the living room, catching up as both my blonde companions sip on wine. I've decided I should stay away from alcohol. It's a bad habit to fall back into, and it doesn't really help my recovery process. I'm almost to the point where I can ditch the crutches for good. I should be able to by the end of January. After hours of chatting, Alison decides to go up stairs to take a shower. Once the water is running Hanna breaks from our conversation to start a new one.

"So how are you going to do it?"

"Jeez Hanna, you act like I'm proposing."

"Because you basically are!"

"No I'm not! Those are 2 totally different things!"

"Well when are you going to do it?"

"Probably after all the gifts have been opened, save the best for last."

"No. Emily. I mean propose."

"Oh." I haven't really thought about doing it yet. It seems a little too quick for us to be engaged. I mean, she just got out of a relationship, actually she was engaged.

"Hello? That's all you have to say is oh..?"

"I don't know Hanna! I feel like it's too soon to even think about that. Don't you?"

"I honestly thought you guys would've been married for at least 5 years now."

"Why do you say that?"

"I thought you would've proposed when you enlisted."

"Well I thought about it...but I don't know. I don't know Hanna. I already know the perfect ring, it's just not the right time, right?"

"It is kind of early...but you didn't buy it yet did you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Why would I buy it if it's not going to happen anytime soon? Plus what if she finds it, what if I fucking lose it?"

"Well you know what ring you want to get, what if someone beats you too it?"

"It's a risk I'll have to take. If someone gets it before me, I'll just have to pick out another one."

"Alright, well the necklace. Where do you want it?"

"Stuff it under the skirt of the tree. I'll grab it when I get the last present from underneath the tree."

"Okay...if that's what you want. I still can't believe you bought that for her."

"Yeah, well...I did. She deserves it."

"I think you could've bought a $20 necklace and she'd still wear it like it costed $10 million."

"Oh whatever Han! Now go get it before she gets done."

—–—

The next morning Alison wakes me up at 8:30. She said she let me sleep longer than 7, because she always lets me rest when I can get it. My body is still not used to being able to sleep, but Alison has made it better. I've been able to sleep through the whole night about 3 times a week. We walk down stairs to find Hanna with 3 cups of coffee made, and she's sitting down by the tree looking at all the presents.

"Finally, I've been ready to rip these babies open for the past 40 minutes!" She says with a smile and she hands us our coffee.

"Well good morning Han." I say as my voice is still raspy.

We sit on the floor and Alison starts to sort gifts into 3 piles. I've always enjoyed watching people open up presents, so I'm almost always the last one to finish. Unexpectedly Hanna and Alison wait for me to open up my gifts first, they both know I like to watch, so they must've pre arranged. Alison got me a lot of things, she bought me a new pillow, a fuzzy blanket, a stack of movies that I apparently need to watch, a few pairs of shoes, some pajamas, and my favorite a ring. This ring is different from the one that was on my necklace, but now resides on my hand. It's a 22 karat gold band, with Iraq engraved in it. It has the dates that I started, and the date I was honorably discharges. On the inside it says, "You're my hero. A.D." I put the new ring on my hand.

"I love it babe, thank you." I lean over and give her a kiss. Hanna makes a disgruntled noise, and I go back to opening my gifts. Hanna's gotten me clothes, and a few house 'essentials' according to her. She got me a bottle of vodka, which is awkward because she doesn't know I'm trying to stop, a gift card to Victoria's Secret. Apparently she knows my bra and underwear game aren't 'up to par'. I say thank you to Hanna, and now I get to watch my favorite part. Hanna knowingly volunteers to go first, and I make sure that she does. Alison got her some booze too, which actually fits Hanna. She got her a couple of sketch books and pencils too. I've also got a surprise for Hanna. She opens up the gift that's under the tree for her from me, and I can see the disappointment on her face. A pair of pajamas.

"Wait. Don't either of you move. I'll be right back." I come back down stairs with another present labeled for Hanna. "Sorry, I must've forgot this one when we put everything under the tree!"

She tears open the box faster than I could've imagined.

"Ahhhh! Oh my god, Emily! Ahhhh, I love you! I love you! Thank you!" She's got the biggest smile on her face, and Alison hasn't seen what I've gotten her yet. Hanna stands up to give me a hug, when Alison's voice finally breaks the silence.

"A MacBook Pro?!"

"Yes babe, for Hanna. You told me she was always so stressed because her computer sucked, well now it's all good."

"Uhhh, you really suck sometimes."

"Oh just shut up and open your damn presents."

She opens Hanna's first, saving mine for last. That's perfect. Hanna got her some clothes from a new design line that hasn't came out yet, and Alison is filled with joy.

"Okay, these presents from you better be better than that MacBook."

"Oh they will, don't worry."

The first one she opens is a makeup pallet from urban decay. She uses the stuff everyday, so I thought she would want it, even though I don't think she needs makeup to look beautiful. The second gift she opens is a popcorn machine, every time we watch movies she makes popcorn, and microwaved popcorn is bad for you, so this is a good gift. The third gift is a photo album/scrap book of us. She goes through each page before she opens her final gift. Tears fill her eyes with each passing page. She grabs her 'final' gift and opens it up. I knew this one would suck, but she deserves it. Inside is a frame that holds the letter. THE letter. It's still covered in my blood, still crinkled and raggedy as ever. There's also a necklace with a couple of the bullets taken from my body stung on it. I watch her as she reads the letter, and she breaks down into tears. I've always hated that letter, but she was going to receive it someday anyways, so why not now? She has been asking about it since that interview.

"Emily..."

"It's okay, come here."

She crawls into my arms and we embrace in a long hug. After we part she gives me a kiss.

"Those were way better presents than the MacBook."

"Good, I knew they were."

Hanna and Alison get up to get some food, as I 'clean up' the wrapping paper.

"Alison! There's another gift here for you, it got lost underneath all the paper!"

Ali and Hanna walk into the living room again, and Hanna pulls out her phone to record Ali's reaction.

"From Emily. Em, the presents you've gotten me already have been enough. What more could you have possible gotten that will-" She stops talking when she opens the gift. She actually speechless. This is the first time, I've been able to make that happen. Her eyes swell again, and tears fall down her face. "E-Em." Her hands clutch the black little velvet box, and her eyes are glued to mine.

"What? Don't you like it?"

"Em, it's...it's beautiful. But...how much did you pay for it? I only-"

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that you love it, and it's yours."

"Emily. Tell me."

"Ali, you're not about to make me feel bad for getting you something. I wanted to get it for you."

"Em."

We sit in silence for a minute and I look over to Hanna. She's stopped recording.

"$7,000." 


	21. Chapter 21

Alison's POV

"Emily Catherine Fields! Are you fucking serious?!"

"Um, yeah...?"

"Emily! Why didn't you save the money? Like for a house? A car?"

"Because you have a house. I can't drive a car right now, and I can spend my money how I want too. I wanted to get you this. Hanna had the same reaction."

"Em, you didn't have to do that."

"Yeah, but I wanted too." I don't have an answer for her, I know that she'll just force me to keep it, and honestly...I do love it. It's beautiful.

"The popcorn machine was your second favorite, wasn't it?" She says with a playful smile.

"No, the letter is my second favorite."

"Why?"

"Because I'm happy that you finally gave it to me."

"What do you mean finally?"

Oh shit. I can't lie to her, she can always tell when I'm lying.

"Uhhh...I already kind of found it...and already kind of read it before."

"Ohh...well that's...that's..."

"I'm sorry, but I found it when you were in the hospital. It had my name on it. I didn't know..."

"No, it's okay...I knew I should've left it blank." She mumble under her breath.

"Help me put this on?" I ask as I hand her the necklace. Her hands move my hair out of the way, and she lays the necklace across my neck. I hear it clasp shut, and she kisses me on the cheek.

"I'm still mad at you." I say.

"For what?!"

"You spent more than me. And not to mention you bought me probably the most beautiful piece of jewelry on the planet."

"You ain't seen nothing yet, babe."

What? What's that supposed to mean? I don't question her, as I prep for our big dinner tonight. I'm making a ham this time, as Emily likes ham for Christmas.

New Year's Eve

Hanna has to go home at the end of the week, so we decide to go out tonight instead of staying in to watch the ball drop. We go to Hanna's favorite bar in town, only to find it packed. Emily decides to drink tonight, so I designate myself to drive back.

"Can we leave? Pleaseeeee. I don't want to be around people anymorreee." Emily's words slur, a good indicator that it is in fact, time to go. I grab Emily's hand and intertwine our fingers, I round up Hanna, and we walk down the street. I had to park pretty far away from the bar to even get a spot. I've locked my arm with Hanna, trying to keep her upright, but she's not as far gone as Emily. That's why I hate when she drinks. Before we make it to my car, fire works start going off. I let go of Emily's hand, and pry Hanna off of me so I can get my New Years kiss from Emily.

"Happy new-" The only problem is, Emily isn't there anymore. "Em?" Silence. I look around, I imagine she couldn't have gotten too far. "Emily?!" My heart starts to panic. Where could she have gone? My feet start to move forward, but Hanna stays behind. "Hanna, come on. We have to find Emily!" She doesn't say anything she only points.

I walk back to her and follow her finger. It's pointed at a rock, and I see a pair of sneakers. Emily. I run over to her.

"Emily?! Are you okay? What happened?"

She doesn't answer. She barely blinks. Shit. I know exactly what's happened. I try breaking her out of it, but it's no use. I pick up Emily and tell Hanna to follow. We've still got a way to go to get to my car, so I've had to take many breaks. Each time it gets harder and harder to pick her back up again, but I need to get her back home. When we get home, I tell Hanna to stay down in the living room. I carry Em up the stairs, and it's a tough climb. I tuck Emily into bed, and head down stairs to get Hanna to bed.

"C'mon Han, let's get you to bed."

"Is she going to be okay?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't know."

I get Hanna to bed, and make my way back up to my room. Emily's passed out when I get up there, so I slip under the covers and curl up next to her.

I wake in the morning, and Emily is still sleeping. I decide to let her sleep until the last possible minute before she needs to go to PT. We thought she'd have New Year's Day off, but she's been instructed to go everyday, except on Christmas and thanksgiving. I go down stairs to get coffee ready, but find Hanna has already done so.

"Good morning. How are you feeling?"

"Not bad actually, I'm a little surprised. Where's Em?"

"Oh, I let her sleep as long as possible when she's actually sleeping. She doesn't get sleep as easily as we do."

"Oh..."

"It's getting better though...you know how she is though. She's stubborn."

"Yeah, I know. So are we going going to do something while she's at PT?"

"Yeah, we can."

We drop Emily off at PT, and decide to go to the park. There's a food truck parked outside, and we get some food before entering the park.

"Alison?"

"Yeah Han?"

"What was in that letter?"

"Oh...uh. It was her saying she's sorry, she still loved me, and she hoped that I was happy."

"If you read it already, why did you cry so hard the second time?"

"Hanna!" I give nudge her shoulder. "Because what she said about me."

"Well what did she say?"

"Hanna, you can ask her that. What am I going to do about her?"

"Fine. What do you mean?"

"She can't be throwing all her money into me!"

"Oh, so you're worried about her financial status?"

"Yes! She's not working right now, and she just spent like $10,000 this Christmas on us!"

"You don't need to worry. I've seen what she has in her bank account."

"Still Hanna, she spent too much."

"Ali, she could've afforded to pay like 100 times that much. She's been getting paid you know? She spent 2 months worth on Christmas."

"Why didn't she tell me? She shouldn't be throwing away 2-"

"I don't know! But here's what I do know...I tried telling her the same exact thing. She said it's not a waste of money on you. She has a lot of money, her dad had lots, and her mom saved up a good chunk too. I also know...that girl really loves you. So let her do what she wants with her money. Just don't let her get away again."

"Han...how much money does she exactly have?"

"Uhhh, I don't actually know. She's got like 3 different accounts, but she could buy the three of us matching Lambos."

"How the hell am I supposed to get her anything nice? If she can buy bigger and better than me-"

"Ali, Emily doesn't want you to buy anything."

"What?"

"She just wants you to be happy."

We leave the park, as Emily will be done in 20 minutes. We get back to the office and wait for Emily to get out. I know she's really excited for PT now because they think she may be able to ditch the crutches after this month. She gets into the car with a huge smile on her face. "We need to talk." I say, and watch as the smile disappears from her face.


	22. Chapter 22

Hanna doesn't even come in the house, she goes for a walk down the street. This makes me really nervous, I thought things were going good! I don't know why Alison would break it off now. I just don't understand.

"Don't worry Em, it's not that talk."

"Oohh. Okay. What did I do, I have been-"

"Em, don't blame yourself either. I literally just want to talk."

"God damn it Ali, why didn't you just say that instead of giving me a heart attack?"

"Sorry. But...I...I really want to know if you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You're not allowed to use that word to define how you're doing anymore. You say that every time, and every time it isn't true."

"Uhhhhh. Alright, alright. I don't know. How I am, I don't know."

"Well what's going through your mind?"

"Lots."

"For example...?"

"When we were together, war, getting shot, grenades, my mom, my dad, the night we broke up, being kidnapped, being in pain, soldiers still in Iraq, being back here, being back together, Hanna..."

She's silent. I've unloaded a lot onto her plate right now, she's probably processing it and doesn't know what to say.

"Why is Hanna on your mind, an not me?"

"Huh?...oh. Uh because the reason why Hanna's on my mind is because of you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"It's in a good way, you don't need to worry."

"I do have to worry Emily. You don't talk to me, I see you struggling with...whatever is on your mind. I ask you, and you say I'm fine."

"I'm sorry. It's just...that's how I am now. I told you, I'm not the same person that I used to be."

"Yeah, I believe you Emily, but you know that you need help-"

"I can get through this on my own. I've gone through worse before. I don't want you involved in that. It's completely fucked up!"

"Emily! If you do it by yourself you're never going to get better! You might only get worse! I've seen it happen! It's scary as hell! It happened last night! You crawled behind a rock and layed there, I would've thought you were dead if you didn't blink! I had to carry you to the car and up to my room."

"Ali..."

"Emily, as much as I love you, you need help. You need professional help."

"Ali! I don't want too! They gave me anti-depressants after my mom died! I didn't even need them!"

"Emily. Just shut up and listen to me. You're going...you're going until you actually talk to the therapist."

"Whatever..."

"How much money do you have?"

"What?! You trying to be a gold digger now?"

"No! Never! It's a thing we, as a couple, should discuss."

"What's there to discuss? I have green paper in my bank account...big deal."

"It is a big deal...especially if you spent about 10 grand for one fucking holiday."

"Okay...why are you so damn cranky today? Does somebody need a kiss?"

"Because I'm worried about you! I'm worried that if you don't get help you're going to end up a vegetable! I'm worried that you're going to spend all your money! I'm so god damn fucking worried about you!...uh...I need a lot more than a kiss."

"Mmmm. Oh yeah? Like...this?"

I crash our lips together, and I can feel herself relax. My hands land on her hips, and hers cup my face. My hands wander up her shirt, but we're interrupted by the door slamming closed. Hanna. I rest my forehead on hers, close my eyes and say, "Don't worry, I'm right here. I'm right here and everything is fine."

"Get a room!" Hanna teases.

I kiss her lips again before getting off the couch.

"I'm going to take a shower. I'll be down in a bit." I say and go upstairs.

Alison's POV

"Hanna! I told you I'd text you!"

"I was cold, and by the looks of it I would've been out there for a while! Why is it such a big deal? Who wants to do it on the couch anyway?"

"Never mind..." I turn into the kitchen to make lunch.

"Oh my god..."

"What Han?"

"You guys haven't done it yet!"

"Shut up!"

"Seriously?! Why not?"

"I don't know!"

"Just put on...actually just come out of the bathroom one night not wearing anything. Emily won't be able to resist."

"I've tried Hanna! I don't get it! Am I doing something?!"

"Hmm..I can talk to her? I would've thought you'd be holding out on her."

"Yeah...me too."

Emily's POV

I walk downstairs to find Hanna watching TV. I walk into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and I sit down next to Hanna. My confusion must be showing as she clears things up for me.

"She's not here."

"What? What do you mean? Where'd she go?"

"Woah...relax killer-" I immediately feel my body tense and rage fills my blood. "She went to the store."

"Hanna, what fucking store is open on New Year's Day? Only my stupid ass PT office is open today, and only my doctor was in."

"Uh..."

"Where'd she go?...Hanna!"

"Jesus, I see why she calls you killer! It's not important." I get up from the couch, and I want to hit something. I pace back and forth behind the couch Hanna sits on. Oh boy, Emily you need to stop. "Why do you hate being called killer anyway?" That's it. I quit pacing and smash my fist into whatever is in front of me. My hand smashes through the glass table, and thankfully there's only empty picture frames on it. The glass crashes to the floor and so do the frames. I stand with my head down and my hands rest on the empty frame of the table. A hand touches my shoulder I swat it away and yell, "Don't fucking touch me! Just leave me alone right now!" Great, good job Emily. You've broke Ali's table, and most likely hurt Hanna's feelings.

"Um, I'd love to give you your space...but...your hand..."

"Uh, what?!" I lift my head to look at my right hand. I see pieces of glass stuck in my knuckles, with blood pouring out of my hand. "Where'd she go, Hanna?" My voice is softer as I try calming down.

"Emily, we need to get you to the hospital."

"No, just pull out the glass, and put bandages on my hand."

"Em..."

"Fine, I'll do it myself then." I walk to the bathroom and place my hands on the sink. I stare at my reflection. Why won't Hanna tell me where she is? I rip the glass shards from my hand and throw them in the garbage. I wrap gauze around my whole hand, and tape it so it stays. I walk back into the living room and Hanna's picking up pieces of glass.

"Let me do that Han."

"It's okay, I got it." She looks at my freshly bandaged hand and continues to pick up glass. "I'm sorry."

"I did it to myself, you don't need to be sorry."

"No...for calling you...that nickname."

"Oh...just ask Alison why I hate being called that. It's okay, you didn't know."

"Okay."

"Really though Han, where'd she go?"

"She...left."

"She left?! What do you mean she left?! Hanna! Is she coming back?!"


	23. Chapter 23

"Emily, calm down. She-"

"Don't tell me to calm down! Do you know how many times people have left me, and never came back?! Half the time they end up dead! So when someone walks out on me, I'm not going to be fucking calm!"

"Emily! She's coming back."

"How do you know?!"

"Because I told her to leave."

"What?! Hanna-"

"Relax, I told her to leave so we could catch up."

"Why didn't you just say that in the first place? Hanna, I wouldn't have broken the table, or freaked out at you, or almost have another mental breakdown!"

"Because it's about her. Well about the both of you actually."

"If you're going to tell me how to spend my money, what ring to buy, how much to save up...I'll literally kick you out."

"That's not what this is about..."

"Then what?"

"Sex.."

"Don't worry mom. No grand babies yet, we're not even-"

"Yeah, that's the problem..."

"What?!"

"I'm just trying to help both of you out. I know you too, and I know that you don't wait...and you know Ali. It's not like it's your first time together. So what are you waiting for?"

"Hanna...its...complicated."

"Well uncomplicate it."

"I...I can't."

"Why? You can tell me, we're best friends."

"I haven't told anyone..."

"Told anyone what?"

"Uh...they...raped me."

"Oh my god. Oh my god, are you pregnant?!"

"No Han, I had to have a hysterectomy after I got shot one of the times..complication or something."

"Is that why you won't have sex with her? Because you can't have kids?"

"No! Because...because. Just because Hanna. I don't want to talk about it. It's hard enough with everything else going on."

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'll tell Alison to come back now."

Hanna calls Ali, and walks into the kitchen for a little while. I should pick up more glass pieces, but I don't feel like moving. I stare at my bandaged hand, and see that blood is dripping through the gauze. I need to change it again already. I haven't even told Ali that I can't have kids, I haven't told anyone besides Hanna. I don't have anyone to tell anymore besides those two anyway. I'm not ready to tell Ali about what else happened in that place. She's going to treat me different, and we just got back to almost being normal. Hanna walks back into the living room and sits next to me.

"I am really sorry. I know how much you wanted kids."

"Yeah, thanks." Almost if on cue, the door opens and Ali walks into the house.

"Hey guys, how was...what happened to my table?!"

"I broke it."

"Why-why did you do that?"

"Because Hanna...because I got mad."

"Oh..are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm good, I'll buy you an new table too. I have to go change the bandages though."

"Let me see your hand."

"No, it's okay."

"Emily. Let me look. Hanna help me out."

"Ali, I tried!" Hanna replies.

"Emily! Let me look at it!" Alison grabs my hand, and her fingers dig where the glass was. I wince in pain and give up. Her hands carefully unravel the gauze that I so carelessly put on my hand. "Oh my god, Em. You need stitches. This one we can't just let it be."

"No, it'll be fine!"

"Stop. We're going, and that's final."

Alison and Hanna practically drag me into the hospital. Hospitals have become one of my least favorite places ever. As I'm being stitched up, I can see Ali and Hanna talking in the hallway. They decide to stay out in the hall until I'm done. As it turns out, I broke two fingers in addition to needing stitches. They hand Alison a few care sheets and we're back on our way home.

"Why didn't you got to the hospital right away when Hanna told you too?"

"Because I hate them."

"So? Hanna said-"

"You and Hanna are not the boss of me! I hate hospitals, I've spent way too much time in hospitals."

"Yeah but we know-"

"I don't care! You both need to let me make my own decisions!"

"We're just trying to look out for you Em."

"Yeah, well I can do that myself. I've been doing it for 8 years."

The rest of the car ride home is silent. Alison and Hanna exchange looks every once in a while, but never say a word. I sit on the couch, and Hanna and Alison go into the kitchen. They start arguing about me. I slip out of the house before either of them can come back.

I don't even know where my body will take me, or allow me to go. I buy a bottle of booze from the liquor store as I passed it. I end up in a place I've never been before. I've tried to come here, but it's always been too hard. I need someone to help me figure things out, but not lecture my entire life. This is about as good of a time as any. I sit down and rest my head on the stone. I open the bottle and take a few big drinks from it.

"Hey mom...hey dad. I miss you guys...a lot lately actually. I'm lost..normally you guys would help me. But...they don't understand. They're not like you guys. You both might've taken a while to understand me, but you both know me...knew me the best. I'm sorry for leaving you mom. I know that you needed me. You needed me for once and I abandoned you. I abandoned Ali too. I hate myself for leaving both of you. I know you both got close, and I had forced that upon you...you both never got an apology...never got a real explanation as to why I was enlisting either. I did because...I couldn't be here anymore. In Rosewood. It made it a little better for me, but I didn't think about you or Alison. Even a few visits would've helped you's out. I had a lot on my mind...but that was no excuse. I could've taken time off to come see you. I could've made time..easily. I thought about you everyday while I was over there dad..I imagined you in the same clothes...same situation. And every time, I'd think about you getting shot. It hurt me everyday..it made me want to kill every last enemy soldier there. And that's exactly what I did. It didn't make it better. It made it worse. I love you guys so much, and I know you love me..and still watch over me...but you wouldn't be proud of the person I've become. I'm not proud of who I am anymore. I can't...I can't do this. I can't do it anymore. I'm sick of feeling like this, but I don't know...I don't know what to do. I can't even let the last 2 people I have in. I'll lose them if I don't tell them...but I just can't. It's hard for me, it was hard for me to tell you guys anything. On the bright side, I finally ditched my crutches. They said I won't be able to walk normal, but I'm happy to be off those damn crutches... Mom...do you remember when I told you my kids would be named after you and dad? Well...I can't. I can't do it...I'm sorry. I want to. I just can't...I'm never going to have kids. I'll never have a mini me to love...to spoil...to cherish. It kills me...I want kids. I haven't told Ali. I don't know if she even wants kids. Honestly, I don't know if she'll still want me after all this time."

Before I knew it, my bottle was gone and I was barely able to sit upright. It was really dark out, I must've been sitting here for hours. It only felt like minutes. It was nice to be alone for this long.

At least that's what I thought...


	24. Chapter 24

My head is spinning and I'm being dragged away from my previous position. I'm thrown into the back seat of a car, and it is unfamiliar. Soon enough the car stops, and I'm thrown to the sidewalk. Before I can get up, the car speeds away. I get up and find myself at a familiar place. I stumble a few times but make my way to the front door. I open it, and fall flat on my face on the hardwood floor.

"Emily?! Emily. Where have you been?!"

"Hmmmm. I..I don't knowwww Aliii. I thoughttt you were with."

"What? Em, Hanna and I have been looking everywhere for you!"

"I'm right hereeeee! You guyss aren't very gooood at hide-n-seeeeek!"

"Emily it's not funny!"

"Well at least someone found meeee. I have a great ideeeea!"

"Em, what do mean some-"

I lunge forward to meet our lips together. My hands linger down to her waist. Before I can do anything else she pushes me away.

"Em, stop."

"You don't like this?" I say as my hands grab her ass, and I kiss her neck. I alternate between kisses, licking, and sucking her neck. I kiss back to her lips and my hands drag up her shirt. My hands fumble on her bra strap and she pushes me away again.

"Emily, stop not now."

"Whyyyyyy? Hanna's not even in hereee. Come onnnnnn."

"Not like this Em."

"But I want you soooo badddd."

"You're drunk."

"I am not!"

"Come on Em, let's get you to bed."

Ohhhh so you are going to take me up on that offer babbbe?"

"No. I'm going to get you to bed, then I'm going to talk to Hanna."

"Uhhhhh you're no fun!"

She grabs my hands and practically drags me up the stairs. She sits me on the bed and starts to undress me. My thoughts go back to her-but as quickly as they came, they ended. She puts pajamas on me and tucks me into bed. She lays down beside me and wraps her arms around me, but stays on top of the covers.

"Aren't you going to stay with mee?"

"I have to go talk to Han, but I'll be back. I promise."

"I love you sooo much, you're the best. I'm so lucky..."

I wake up the next morning with the worst headache of my life. I look around, and I start to panic. I have no idea where I'm at. Hands are holding me, and something moves beside me. I turn to look.

"Morning baby." The person says.

"Ummm, h-h-hi." I honestly have no idea how to reply.

"Really? That's how you greet me? No good morning kiss?" She says.

"W-w-hat-t? Who who are you?"

"Emily...are you joking?"

"Is that my name...Em-ily?"

"Yeah...don't you know who I am?"

"No?"

"Are you sure? Like you're not playing some stupid prank on me?"

"Why would I do that, I-I don't even kn-now who you are."

"HANNA!" The blonde girl screams. Another blonde runs into the room. "Do you know who that is right there Emily?"

"Mmmm, no."

"Hanna? What's going on?" Tears fill the blondes eyes who's laying next to me. "What do we do?"

"I don't know! Should we take her to the hospital?"

Alison's POV

I drive as fast as I can. What is happening? Why did she suddenly forget everything? How could she not know who I was? I'm honestly scared to death, I can't lose Emily again. I can't lose my Emily. Not again.

When we get to the hospital they take Emily's blood, and then get an MRI to see if she has any problems in her brain. It takes a while to get the results back, but the MRI comes back negative, so the doc says we'll wait on the blood test to see what the next move is. About an hour passes before the doc comes back in.

"So, Ms. Fields, we have found the source of your problem."

"What is it? What's wrong?" I say, as I'm still pretty nervous as to what the doc is going to say.

"We found Diazepam in Ms. Fields' system."

"Diazepam? What's Diazepam?" I say as I look at Emily who has the same blank expression on her face. I've seen this face before too.

"It's an anti-seizure drug. Fortunately she should regain her memory in a matter of hours, so if you don't have any other questions, we will be discharging her."

"Actually, would you be able to prescribe her some medication for...like...anxiety or something? She got back from Iraq...and she said that she feels like she's still there...and she sometimes like...zones out.."

"Yeah, we can try a prescription for that. Sounds like PTSD, do you know what she thinks about when she zones out?"

"No, she just shuts me out."

"Okay, well we'll get her started on some Zoloft. I'll get you her new prescription and the discharge papers."

Emily has already fallen asleep again, before we can even get her into the car. It's good seeing that Emily is taking advantage and getting some sleep. Maybe her not remembering anything, will help her out a little bit. Hanna and I don't speak on the way home, neither of us wanting to wake up Em. I carry Em into the house and tuck her into bed. I walk downstairs to talk with Hanna.

"Han, what am I going to tell her to make her take that medication?"

"Just tell her the truth. Tell her they asked about her medical history and you just told them about everything you knew."

"I thought she was playing some sick joke on me. Why would she take those pills?"

"We don't even know for sure if she took them."

"She was all alone Hanna!"

"Exactly! Somebody could've gave them to her!"

"I guess. What if she changes from the Zoloft? What if..."

"You'll make changes if that happens, but give it a chance. What if she gets better? What if she gets worse...we won't know. Just wait and see what happens."

"Okay..."

"This has been a crazy couple of weeks...I really don't want to leave."

"I don't want you to leave either. Em probably doesn't want you to leave, she needs both of us right now."

"You don't give yourself enough credit. Do you have any idea the effect you have on her?"

"What? No, I mean...I hope that I make her happy. I know that she loves me..."

"You do so much more than that for her. When you look at her, I swear I can see her mood change. Well, I used to...not anymore...but hopefully with this new medication."

Hanna is leaving tomorrow, so I hope Emily wakes up soon so she can properly say goodbye. Hanna goes to Emily's room to pack up her things, and I sit down on the couch and turn on a movie. I'm half asleep, when a sweet soft voice wakes me up.

"Good morning babe. Why'd you let me sleep so long?"

"Ahhh, good afternoon honey. You had a rough night, how are you feeling?"

"I feel like I got hit by a truck, but better now...you always make me feel better." She says as she leans in to give me a kiss. It's one of the sweetest kisses we've shared in a while. Actually since before we broke up. She pulls away, "Where's Hanna?"

"Mmmm. Oh, she's packing. She has to leave tomorrow."

"Well we better make her last day fun then right?"

"No Em, no drinking. You had a bad night last night."

"Hmm. What even happened last night? I don't remember a damn thing!"

"I don't know. You left, and we had no idea where you were. You got back home, drunk off your ass...and then in the morning you didn't know who I was or Hanna. You were drugged, or took drugs. We don't really know."

"Well being drugged might've been the best thing ever! I'm honestly feeling realllly good right now. Like, I swear to go, you've never looked hotter!"

"Well...there's also another thing. Don't get mad, okay?"

"I could never be mad at you babe."

"I got you put on Zoloft. It's supposed to help with anxiety and PTSD..."

"Well good choice in drug, I feel great!" She gives me a more passionate kiss this time, and I can feel my heart melting. She sits on my lap and deepens our kiss. Our youngest dance in each other's mouth, and my hands grab her waist. I pull her closer, but she backs and takes off her shirt. Damn..she looks hot. But I need to stop this, she wasn't ready until she was drunk.

"Em...as..much as I want to keep going..." I push her away so I can say the rest. "you weren't ready...er..I don't know if you are.."

"It's okay. Thank you, for being concerned and not pushing me. Honestly, I feel great. And you...you're so irresistible."

"Oh stop, you're just trying to make me blush and get into my pants."

"Oh babe, don't you know? I don't need to try." She says as she gives me a wink and walks into the kitchen. Holy shit, if she's like this for the rest of her life...she will literally be the death of me.


	25. Chapter 25

Hanna left an hour ago, leaving Alison and I alone. I feel like I really missed out on catching up with Hanna. Alison bonded with Hanna a lot, they spent more time alone together than Alison and I had. That was really my fault though. I've fought with both of them too much, and left, leaving both of them to worry about me together. I've honestly been feeling really good these last 2 days. I haven't been able to fall asleep, but my thoughts are about Alison, or my mind is completely blank. I've made real progress with myself, and I know that it's the drug, but I've also improved myself. I know I should've gotten help right away, but I'm grateful that it's happened regardless.

"Hello? Em..you okay?" She snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Thank you." I say with a genuine smile.

"What? You're not making sense...I asked if you wanted to go get food. Are you okay?"

"I'm better than okay, babe. I just wanted to say thank you, that's all."

"For what?"

"You...staying by me this whole time. For everything. You have no idea how much you mean to me."

"Why are you such a fucking mushball? Honestly though, it's adorable. I'll never leave."

"I just...missed you. Missed us. Let's go get food."

We get into the car, and she's rambling about some great food she had before I got back here. She decided that she wanted to make it for me, she said that I would love it. I just stare at her the whole time, admiring her.

"Can you pull over?"

"What?! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just...please."

She pulls over, and as soon as she parks the car her head turns to me and I crash our lips together. I unbuckle her seatbelt and pick her up, and move us to the back seat. I can't wait anymore. I remove her shirt and bra and quickly move down to take her pants off. Her body is as stiff as a board, telling me she's shocked and nervous. "It's okay. Pleasee." I say and I can feel her relax. I tease her a little bit, kissing the insides of her thighs and my hands play with her breasts. I kiss all the way back up to her lips, and whisper in her ear, "Relax babe, I got you." I kiss her lips again, and insert 1 finger inside her. She moans against my lips, and it makes me want her even more. I make my way down to her breasts again, and play with them in my mouth. This also gets a positive reaction from Ali. I dip another finger inside her, but keep my pace slow and steady. My head moves down, and my tongue lands on her clit. She lets out a loud moan, and this makes me quicken my pace. My tongue works Alison, as her hips grind against my tongue. "F-fuck...Em...I'm gonna..." I continue to please her. "Come for me." That puts her over the edge, as she comes undone. Her body shakes uncontrollably, and I kiss my way up to her lips. Between each kiss I say, "You..are...so..beautiful...beautiful." I kiss her lips hard as I want her to feel how much I love her. She reaches for my shirt and pants, to return the favor, but I stop her.

"Nope. You are all mine tonight." I hand her the clothes that are scattered around her car. "Come on, let's go eat now."

—–—–—–—–—

March

I wake up, and I smell bacon. Soon enough, my favorite blonde comes up to our room with a tray of food.

"Happy birthday Em!" She practically yells, and kisses me. "Now, I have to go to work for half a day, but...I was planning-"

"Well, I know this isn't how it's supposed to go, but I actually want to take you out tonight."

"What? You can't do that! It's against the rules!"

"Pleaseee? You can pay for everything if you insist, but I want to be in charge."

"Fine, but only because you're so irresistible when you beg."

"Yes! Thanks for the food babe. Smells good."

"Enjoy, I have to go to work now, I'll see you at 1!" She gets up and gives me a kiss before she walks out the door.

—––—

"Honey, I'm home!"

"Hey babe, get changed. Wear whatever you want, you look amazing in anything...or nothing at all." I give her a wink and she blushes. She walks up to our bedroom, and I can hear the water turn on. That means she's going to take about an hour and a half to get ready, but that's okay. Our dinner reservations are for 7, so we have a flexible schedule. She comes down the stairs, as beautiful as ever, at 3. So I was off a little but, we will still be fine.

"Okay, so where are we going?"

"First, the movies, then dinner...then a surprise! Are you ready?"

"Yes I am birthday girl."

I let Ali pick out the movie. She picks out The Shallows, and Ali's really into it, but I'm honestly not even paying attention. Our hands are intertwined, and I'm just really happy to be here right now. We've overcame a lot together, and that's really only made us better. When the movie is over it's 6, so I drive us over to a restaurant neither of us have been to before. It's Italian so we both decide to get 2 different pastas and share them. We finish up eating and talking at around 10. She probably thinks we're done for the night, but since it's my plans, I know the night is far from over. I drive past our road.

"Hey? Where are you going...you just passed the house?"

"I told you...a surprise place!" I look at her and smile. She doesn't say anything else the rest of the ride, she's too focused on guessing where we are going. We get to the destination a little after 11. Alison looks confused because we're in the middle of nowhere, there's only forest around us.

"I know what you're thinking, no I'm not going to kill you. And yes. I brought your coat and mittens."

She gratefully takes her winter items and I lead her into the woods. There's a little bench that sits atop the forest overlooking the city. It's a beautiful night tonight. It's snowing and I have my favorite person by my side. We sit on the bench and adore how the city looks with the snow and all the lights. We take up my favorite activity, looking at stars. She does the normal thing, I look at the stars while she's nuzzled against me. I look at my phone-12:05.

"Okay, so..." I stand up and she copies me. "I couldn't wait..so..." I grab the small box from my pocket and get down on my good knee. Ali's eyes tear up, and her hands cover her mouth in astonishment and excitement. "I knew. I always knew, that you were the one. I think you've always know that too. I actually knew at Christmas, that I was going to ask you. I had the ring picked out, I just hadn't bought it yet. You have no idea of the effect you have on me. You have loved me more than I have loved myself, I am so grateful for you. You stayed by my side when things were down, and you were always there when things were good. Like I've told you before, your love is too much. Your love makes my heart grow, and sometimes it feels like my heart is going to explode. I can't even express how grateful I am to you. You saved me. You saved me so many times. I don't want you to save me anymore, I don't want you carrying me up the stairs anymore, I want to do those things for you. You've given more to me than I could even imagine that you would've. I couldn't wait any longer to ask you, because you would've know. You know me better than I know myself, and it scares me and makes me feel safe at the same. I have loved you since the day that I met you. There were recent times...where I didn't show it very well..or got carried away. But what matters is that...I'm here now. I want to be the one you've always been waiting for. We got a second chance, and we've made the most of it. I never lost sight in the goal. I just lost sight of myself, I lost myself. I forgot how to love you, like the way you deserved. But once again, you were there to save me, and the past 3 months have been amazing. I love you so much. I love you so much it hurts me. Every time I see you, it's like being punched in the stomach. In a good kind of way. You take away my oxygen. You're so breathtaking. I owe everything to you. I owe everything that I've become to you. If it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be here. There were times I struggled with myself, but you got me through it. And you always have. So please, Alison, will you marry me?"

Tears flood her cheeks and she sniffles before she responds. "Yes! Yes, of course!" I slide the ring on her finger and kiss her. She hugs me so tight I think I may never breathe again.

"Sheesh, you'd think I just gave you 1 million dollars."

"Emily..."

"Alright babe, I'm sorry."

"Please tell me you video taped that! I want to show everyone!"

"Of course I did. I've been setting up for the past 3 days, I wouldn't miss capturing that moment for anything."

"Why are you so perfect?" She asks as she kisses me.

"I'm not, but I have to call Hanna. I didn't tell her I was going to do it today."

"Why'd you do it today anyway? It's your birthday!"

"Check the time."

"Oh! You little shit!" She talked me to the ground and pins my arms above my head. I don't fight back, I just lay there looking at my princess.

"What? You can pick the date for the wedding!" I say and kiss her on the cheek.

"Really?! I already have a date in mind! I'm making our save the date cards as soon as we get home!" I can tell this makes her very happy, as she likes to make these kinds of decisions. I honestly don't even care, I'll marry that girl anyway.

"Hmmm, that's what you want to do as soon as we get home? Mmmm okay."

"Well I wanna warm up first, but-ohhhh! Well I mean after that!"

"You lost your chance for that, guess I'll just have to do it myself then." I wink, and walk over to the camera I had set up and slip it into my pocket. I walk back over to Alison, and pick her up. "Let's go home princess, you have cards to make."


	26. Chapter 26

**Sorry it's been so long since I've been able to update! It might be a little while before I can update again, but for now enjoy!**

I'm interrupted by Alison yelling at me from down stairs. "Em! Hurry up! We're already late!"

"So...what do you say?" The voice on the phone says.

"I'll have to think about it. I can call you at anytime though, right?"

"Yeah, anything you need..feel free to call me!"

"Alright, thank you. Have a good day."

I hang up the phone and make my way down stairs.

"Ali, I was-"

Ali doesn't say anything when I get downstairs, she only grabs her purse and gets into the car. The ride is extremely quiet. I know that she's mad at me, but she might actually be more mad at me later. Her eyes never leave the road, and I can't figure out why she's so pissed. I try coming up with ideas, but I can't help but think of the worst. My hands start to get clammy and my head feels dizzy. My arms go numb, but I can feel the pain in my chest. She wouldn't leave me... She's been weird the past few days, but she wouldn't leave me...at least I hope. We arrive at the restaurant 20 minutes late. We walk in to find Hanna, and a few of Alison's friends already sitting at the table. Of course Hanna is the first one to say something.

"You guys really couldn't wait until you were done telling us something 'super important'?"

"We weren't doing that. Emily took over an hour to get ready." Alison says, her voice is stern and she gives me a glare.

"Really Em? What were you doing?" Hanna asks.

"Good question, since Ali wouldn't let me even explain why I took so long... I got another job offer. It pays a lot more than the other job."

"Oh that's great! Did you take it? When do you start?" Hanna frantically says.

"Oh, sorry for getting mad." Alison says and interlocks our hands.

"Well I didn't take it...well...yet. We have to talk about it." I say and look at Ali.

"What?! Why didn't you take it if it pays more?" Ali asks with a little anger in her voice.

"We'll talk about it later. Now, let's eat and discuss what we came here for."

"Alright, well big news friends...Emily and I are engaged!"

"What?! Congratulations!" They say in unison.

"Thank you." I say.

"Do you guys want to see the video?" Ali has watched the video over 100 times, I swear. The girls cry over the video and Alison is hysterically crying. Again. Before we finish up with dinner, they've watched the video a few more times. We're just about ready to leave when Hanna asks. Hanna and I go outside while the other girls go to the restroom.

"Well when are you getting married?"

"I don't know." I shrug my shoulders.

"What? You've had the ring picked out since Christmas, but can't pick a date?"

"No Hanna, Alison's picking the date. Well she already did but she wants me to find out when everyone else does. Which should be soon."

"Well I'm going to be invited right? I'm-"

"Han, your going to be in the damn wedding."

"Can I stand in the middle? So I can be apart of both of your bridesmaids group?"

"No."

"What the hell Em? Why not?!" My hands start going numb, and my heart beats faster. I don't even know why I'm nervous to ask Hanna.

"Because you're going to be my maid of honor."

"Really?! Em, you better not be kidding! Oh my god! Is Ali okay with this?"

"She has to be now. Unless you say no."

"I'd never decline a request like that!"

We hug and I get a warm feeling in my heart. It makes me unbelievably happy to know that I've got both of my girls back in my life. Hanna's always been my best friend, but we've gotten a lot closer. She said she's actually going to move back to start her own store in Rosewood. We always go too long without seeing each other. Hanna really is my only friend, but she's the only one I need. Ali and her friends come outside, they hug and we all go our separate ways. When Ali gets into the drivers seat she looks at me.

"You asked her, didn't you?"

"What?"

"You asked Hanna. To be your maid of honor."

"Mmm, yeah. Is that okay?"

"Yeah...because I was going to ask Spencer. The brunette that was here tonight."

"Okay good. I was worried about Hanna being split between us."

"I was actually going to force you ask her if you didn't."

She drives the rest of the way in silence. I think she's wondering about my job offer. I was offered to be the athletic director at the high school, but the pay is no-where near what the other job is. I don't force her to talk about it now, I don't want her to crash the car. Although the other job pays more, I'm leaning towards the athletic director. We pull up to the house, and she immediately grabs a glass of wine when we walk in the house. She sits at the kitchen island, and I sit across from her. My eyes are glued to her blue orbs, I could stare at them forever.

"What are you supposed to do for this new job?"

"Uh...they want me to talk to parents, community members, kids, future soldiers, teachers...like all those kind of people about my journey...what it's like, what to expect...those kind of things."

"And it pays more than the other job offer?"

"Yeah. Not that I need it anyway, but...it'd be nice to be able to spoil myself. Or you, I guess." I say with a wink.

"Well why didn't you take it then?! It sounds great."

"Because...I'd have to go away. Like I'd have to travel lots. They said it would be like being on tour. Except I wouldn't be gone that long."

"Well how long?"

"Minimum...1-2 months. Maximum...4-6 months."

"That's not bad! We've done more before!"

"I don't want things to be like before...I don't want to leave you."

"I'll be fine Emily! You should really take it! I'll be okay on my own for a few months."

"I know you'll be fine, it's just...uhh. I don't want to leave you. I don't, I can't. I don't want to leave you alone...not again. Not ever again."

"Emily, you're going to take that job. I'm not going to let you be unhappy because you won't leave my side."

"You don't understand though. You, are what makes me happy."

"I know. You're still taking that job, and I'm still going to be here, waiting for you to come home. We'll talk everyday, FaceTime everyday...don't worry. I'm always going to be here, waiting for you to get back."

–—–—–—–—–—

I'm getting packed and ready to leave for my first stop on my little tour. To start, I'll only be gone a month, but that still seems like a very long time. I'm flying out tomorrow, so Ali wants to go to dinner tonight. I take a break and get ready for our date night. I walk down stairs and Ali's in the kitchen, on the phone with someone. I don't really bother listening to her conversation because all I'm thinking about is how much I'm going to miss her over the next month. I stand by the fire place looking at everything on the mantle. There's a bunch of little trinkets, but no pictures. I think she's waiting to put up photos from our wedding or something. It's not like she hasn't taken millions of photos of us. I hear her start walking into the living room, and my hands go numb again.

"Are you ready to go?" She asks.

"Yeah. Let's go." The feeling starts coming back in my hands, and I don't really want to go to dinner. I'd rather stay in with her, but she wants to go out.

We finished eating, and started walking home hand in hand. Ali stopped and said, "So...our invitations got sent out."

"What invitations?" I say as I'm engrossed in my food and honestly don't really know what she's talking about.

"Our wedding! Did you forget?"

"What..no! It's just...I didn't think they'd be sent out already." My heart starts pounding.

"Em, we can't wait! It's soon, if we waited too long...people wouldn't show up."

"I didn't mean it like that, I thought you'd take longer that's all! Well...when are we getting hitched?"

"October 4th. Of this year."

"That's in less than 7 months! Are you sure? We can wait-"

"I don't want to wait. That date means something to me."

"O..okay. Wait...isn't that the day I woke up?"

"No...day before."

"Why-why would you want that day? I looked so broken...and basically dead." She lets a few tears roll down her face.

"Because...they didn't give you a chance. They said th-that...that it was time. It was time to let you go...I-I.." Her crying has become uncontrollable, and I hug her. I squeeze her tight so she can feel how much I love her. How much I care. How sorry I am.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm right here. They didn't give me a chance but you did."

"If that's not in your vows, I'm going to cry harder than I am right now. That shit was poetic."

"I can't tell you that! C'mon, let's go home. I have to pack still."

When we get home, I open the door for Ali and she runs upstairs. She's giggling the whole time she's running, she said she had surprise for me. I close the door behind me, and start walking towards the kitchen. I set the keys down on the counter and go to the fridge to grab a water. Something pokes me in the back. I expect it to be Alison but before I could turn around to look-click-...I know that sound anywhere. I know what this means..I know what this is. A gun is being pressed behind my back.


	27. Chapter 27

Ali's POV

I grab the box that I hid away from Emily. I sprint down the stairs as fast as I ran up them. I expected to find Emily curled up on the couch half asleep, and then I would have to finish her packing. But I'm surprised that I don't find her there. I decide to look into the kitchen, and she's not there either. I'm about to panic when I see her outside. She's sitting out on the patio. I open the door.

"Em-"

"Hello Alison." A deep voice calls from behind me. I turn around to look and see a gun pointed in my face. I know those hands griping the gun...Josh. "I heard you were getting married. I had to see if you were still with this deadbeat. I'm surprised you haven't dumped her on the side of the road yet, considering how broken she is."

"I'd never do that...she's better now. You don't even know her Josh!"

"I know her better than you think I do."

"That's impossible. I know Emily!"

"Okay...don't believe me? Emily...would you like to tell her?" The gun moves from me over to her.

"NO!" I yell. Emily doesn't even move, her body is as stiff as ever.

"Oh...you want me to tell you. Well...you're little killer can't have kids." What?! She's always wanted a little Emily, she's always wanted a little boy or girl of her own since I can remember. "You want to know what else? I drugged her...I brought her back to your place. I watched her break down at her parents grave, with booze. Instead of you. I drugged her so she would forget about you, but now...I only have to tell her the truth."

"D-don't! I-"

"I'm leaving." Emily says getting up. She looks at me before opening the glass door, and then she looks at Josh. She attacks Josh and manages to get the gun. "Get the fuck out." She points it straight at his head.

"Oh killer, don't you think I came prepared?" His hand reaches for-BANG.

"I said get the fuck out. I won't miss next time. Don't come back, if you do I won't hesitate to pull the trigger." Josh's face is pale. He never expected Emily to do that. He doesn't say anything, he gets up and jumps the fence.

"Em. He doesn't know..." She doesn't acknowledge that I'm speaking to her. She walks into the living room at sits next to the fire place. Her eyes watch the dancing fire.

"Emily? Whats wrong?" She still doesn't answer me, and I can see tears in her eyes. "Em, it's okay. I'm not going to judge or leave you because you can't have kids. Why didn't you tell me?" Her head snaps towards me.

"Why didn't I tell you?! Why didn't you fucking tell me?! You don't have any room to talk to me like that!"

"W-w-what?"

"Don't play dumb with me Alison! You were pregnant with Josh's child! While we were still together! Instead of telling me, you went and got an abortion! Don't you know how much I've always wanted kids?! And I can't have kids now!" She takes her eyes off me, and stares at the fire again. I know she's just trying to calm down and I shouldn't say anything but I feel like I need too.

"Em, I-I...I didn't know what to do. It wasn't right, but..it felt right. I don't know how to explain it. It wouldn't have been right to have a kid that way." She of course, doesn't answer me. I stay in the room, knowing that we can't leave things like this before she leaves. I don't want to leave her alone, but I need to give her space. I walk over to the couch and sit down. My eyes are glued to my soldier. She really was my soldier, she made it through everything, all the odds...all the hard times. As I watch her, she doesn't move much. She only been rubbing her hands together, not to generate heat-she's right next to the fire place. Is she nervous? I can hear her breathing loudly from here. Anxiety maybe? I walk over to her, I'm going to leave her alone for a little while.

"Look Em I'm sorry..." Her face is pale, and I push a piece of hair behind her ear. Her hair is drenched, and she turns her head towards me. I've never seen this side of her, she's always been strong...or the times in the hospital, but this look is different. Her eyes are glossy and can barely stay open, she's sweating like crazy and she doesn't look good. "Are you okay?"

"I..I can't feel my hands." She says in a low whisper.


	28. Chapter 28

Alison's POV

I call 911, and try to get Emily to focus on her breathing. I have to be strong for her...I want to break into a million pieces right now, thinking what could happen to her. Thinking about how she's struggling for air, how scared she must be...how much pain she's in. I'm in pain. I can't even imagine how she's feeling right now. I think what scares me the most is I don't know what's wrong with her.

When the ambulance shows up, they put her on a stretcher and hook her up to an oxygen mask. This is when I completely lose it...it reminds me of the day I first saw her almost a year ago. They get her into the ambulance and I sit beside her. The EMT's are talking about vitals, and using some medical language that I don't understand. My grip on Emily's hand is so tight, I feel like I could break her hand. I stare at her eyes, making sure that they stay open.

"Ms. DiLaurentis, can you help us with Ms. Fields's medical history?"

"Um, I-"

I'm stopped mid sentence by Em. She starts sitting up and starts taking off the oxygen mask. "N-n-no. I...can."

"Ms. Fields, we need you to lay back down. Put the oxygen mask back on, please."

"I can handle it baby, please...just rest." I plead with her, and she eventually lays back down and puts the mask back on her face. It takes me about 10 minutes to go through all of her medical history.

"Hmmm. Any drugs or alcohol?" I look at Emily, and she nods her head. I know that she's been a drinker, but I had no clue whether or not she's done drugs. "Are you on any drugs right now?" She shakes her head no. "Alcohol?" She shakes her head no again. "Okay. Thank you."

I fixate my eyes back on Emily. Her eyebrows are furrowed and all she does is blink. Her hand tugs at the oxygen mask, but I place my hand over her arm to stop her. She turns her head towards one of the sitting paramedics and taps them on the arm. Once she gets their attention, she pulls the mask off her face.

"My dad...died...heart...attack." She muffles out. The paramedic scribbles something down on his clipboard.

"Okay, and you're not on drugs or have alcohol in your system at the moment?"

"Nnno."

"Okay, let's get Ms. Fields started on some blood thinners. Ms. Fields, I'm going to need you to keep that mask on now, okay?"

"Ali...I'm-I'm sorry...I..." The beeping on the machine she's hooked up to intensifies. I look to the paramedic who stares at the machine and Emily. He puts the mask back on her and says to the drivers up front, "Tell the hospital to get an O.R. ready, and that we'll be there soon."

—-

Damn it Emily. I'm beginning to hate hospitals as much as her. I've been here way too often, in a damn waiting room...waiting for Emily. I'm so pissed, why do I have to be here? Why does this have to keep happening to Emily? She's the kindest person I know...she has the best smile, the biggest heart, and gives the most love of any person I know. Her lips are so soft, it makes them irresistible. Her body...it's just...wow. Her legs are long and lean, her hair is beautiful, and her arms are strong but not too buff. My favorite is her stomach though. She has abs, but that's not what I pay attention to, I love tracing all her scars. I want to know every detail behind each scar. I want her to know..that it doesn't matter to me, I think they're sexy as hell. I know that she's insecure about them, she thinks some of them are ugly. Those are the ones I love the most.

–—––—–—–—–

"Are you here for Emily Fields?" A doctor asks.

"Yes! Yes! How is she?" I say, with the most hope in my voice I can find.

"We diagnosed her with coronary artery disease, and her left artery was dangerously narrow while her right was okay. We placed a stent in her left artery and placed one in her right as a precaution. If you'll follow me, I can take you to her."

"Oh thank god!" I let out a big sigh of relief and we start walking to Emily's room. I think seeing her for that first time in 5 years in her room that day made everything in life a little easier. I feel bad about it, but I know absolutely nothing could be worse.

"She'll be waking up in a little while, but she's going to be very weak. It'll be about 2 weeks before she can return to normal activities, and then about a month after that before she'll be all clear again."

"Thank you. Seriously...I can't thank you enough."

I take a deep breath before heading into her room. I'm hoping that she's awake already, I don't want to wait for her to wake up. I don't know if she'll wake up in an hour or 3 months. I open the door, and see her chocolate brown eyes locked on me.

"Hey baby." I saw as a small sheepish smiles forms across her face.


	29. Chapter 29

Alison's POV

"Hey princess." She greets me in a low horse voice.

"How are you feeling?" I say as I reach her side and grab ahold of her hand.

"Feel like shit. Probably look like it too." Her fingers start to play with my hand.

"You've never looked like shit in your entire life. Even while you're in sweats and a baggy tee shirt, you look smokin' hot!"

Emily starts blushing at my comment, and this makes me happy. I haven't been able to get through to her in a long time. She opens her mouth as if she's about to say something but quickly closes them. She sits with pursed lips for a minute before speaking up again.

"Look...I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you..I'm mad at the world. And I know, I know, that'll get me no-where...but it helps me. It makes me feel a little bit better. You didn't even have to try and you get pregnant. Every time I see someone pushing their baby in the park, or feeding them at a restaurant, or literally just having a kid in the back seat of their car...it feels like my hearts being ripped out of my chest. Every damn time. I promised..I promised my mom and dad that I'd name my kids after them." Emily's eyes glisten with tears, but she's holding them back. I'm holding back my own tears. I feel guilty. I know that she wants kids, but if I would've kept the baby...we would've been 20. Raising a kid. Who knows...I may have not ended up with her! She probably would've broken up with me then. The second she found out I was pregnant.

"Hey, it's okay. We'll still have kids! We'll figure it out. I promise. We can even use their middle names. We have a bigger name problem though."

"What? We do?" He voice turns to panic, and she stops twirling her fingers along my hand.

"Yeah. Are you going to take my name...or am I going to take yours?"

"Oh. I-I thought that...you'd always kind of...take mine." She starts to blush again, and I give her the cheesiest smile I can muster up.

"That was my plan all along...I just wanted you to get all cute and ask." I get up and give her a quick kiss before the door flies open.

"Hi Ms. Fields-"

"Emily, please call me Emily."

"Okay, Emily. We had to preform coronary stent surgery, as your arteries were narrow. We will be prescribing you with blood thinners along with the two stents that were placed in your arteries to try and minimize another attack. You'll have to be cautious of your actions. You should stop any activity if you start to get pains in your chest or any of the symptoms that are on the sheet I will be giving you. You'll be very weak for the next 2 weeks, so take it easy. It'll be about another month after that before your all set to go again. Do you have any questions?"

"Uhh no. Thanks." The doctor hands me what seems like a book of papers, and walks out of the room.

"Hey...it's going to be okay. I'll be fine." She wipes a tear from my face that I didn't know was falling.

"I'm never going to let anything happen to you again. You don't deserve everything that you've been through. You're not leaving my sight."

"Woahhh. You couldn't have prevented this. It was hereditary, I'm fine! Look at me, I'm breathing, I can walk pretty well now, my brain still works...nothing's changed. Well..I have to take 1 pill a day, and I'm going to have this scar. You love them anyway, so it's just another thing that you'll love!"

"Why do you have to see the good in everything?" I sniffle out.

"Trust me...it took me a long time to be able to that again. I've learned that a good attitude takes you a long way, and if you dwell on the past and worry about things you can't control, the more you start missing out on things."

—

"Okay Ali, I just got off the phone with my boss. He's going to post pone everything for 2 months, so...how about we start planning stuff for the wedding?! I mean I can't really do anything else right now, but we can just watch Netflix if you want too!"

"Really? Are you sure you're up for it?! We've only been home for a few days, we can wait! I don't mind curling up next to you either."

"Go grab the books. Let's get planning babe!"

I scurry up the stairs, almost tripping twice. I've been taking notes of things that I liked, but I'm excited to make decisions together. I know that Emily will probably just go with whatever I really want, she wants me to have my day as she's called it. I've asked Spencer to be my maid of honor, but I don't know how many bridesmaids Emily will have. I don't really know if she has friends, the only person she talks about is Hanna. I grab the books from my bed side table and sprint back down the stairs. I place the books on the table in front of Emily and snuggle up next to her. My hand instantly goes to her new wound, and she shifts a bit. It must still be tender.

"Did I hurt you?" I timidly ask.

"No, no. You're fine! Let's make some decisions, okay?"

"Okay, so first things first. I figured you could carry a purple bouquet, and I could carry white. Those were our moms favorite colors, and then purple and white would be our theme. Is that okay?"

"That sounds great. I know our moms would love it-and so do I."

"Okay. Perfect." I write down on a blank piece of paper our bouquet decisions. "So next we should decide on a venue. There was this one really pretty venue that I liked. It was outside-it was kind of like a garden, but there were these really pretty trees and flowers all around the place."

"Well let's do that then. It sounds amazing."

"But its outside, and our wedding isn't until October! It's probably going to be cold!"

"Screw our guests, the day is for us! It's how we want it to be, not if they should dress in shorts or pants."

"Sold. We have a venue!" I scribble down the location of the venue and the person to contact. "Now, how many bridesmaids are you going to have?"

"Uhhh. Well Hanna of course, and then I was thinking I might ask Aria. That reporter. She's going to be going on our tour with us, and we're already pretty friendly. So 2?"

"Okay. I'll only have 2-"

"Nononono. You ask as many people as you want. If you need more room, they can even stand on my side."

"Uhhh, why are you so good to me?"

"Because you deserve it. What's next?"

"Um, maybe food selection?!" I grab the food book and start riffling through the pages. "Food kind of makes or breaks the wedding. Well besides the vows! I don't want to spend too much on food, but I think it's really important! I think we should decide between these three vendors. Maybe we can set up some times to go taste test their food once you feel up to it! I do want to have a good balance of food though, so we have to pick one of them that has a really good variety! But for the main dish, I really want a steak or chicken. Is that okay with you? You can pick out all the sides if you want! All the sides are right here." I flip to the side dishes page and point to all the choices with my finger. I look back at Emily, only to find her sleeping.

Well at least we got some progress done tonight. She'll probably apologize for falling asleep, and will want to start again tomorrow. I close the book, and get up to grab a blanket. I sit back down next to her and lay the blanket over the both of us. I carefully nuzzle my way into her embrace as I relax next to her. I slowly place my head on her chest and listen to her heart beat. It's still as strong as ever. I mumble out a "goodnight Emily" before I drift off to sleep.


	30. Chapter 30

Ali's been going crazy over getting everything for the wedding situated. It's like her brain is working 100 times more than it should be. She's worried about me too, now more than ever it seems. She hired an assistant so she doesn't even go into work anymore. I don't get how she's not bored, I can't stand not being able to do anything. She's basically waiting on me hand and foot. Tomorrow I'll actually be able to do a few things for myself. Ali set up an appointment for tomorrow with a bunch of caterers to see what we like best. I won't be able to eat all the food we're going to try. I know she won't let me touch any fatty foods, probably for a long time too.

"Hey baby, what are you watching?" Ali asks as she plops down next to me.

"I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention." I laugh, and so does she. Her eyes are glued to the screen, it's probably one of her favorite shows. I keep staring at her and I have the biggest smile on my face. I rest my head on her shoulder and interlock my fingers with hers. "Thank you."

"Huh-for what?" She snaps out of her TV daze.

"For everything. There's to much to thank you for. But I just want you to know I'm thankful for everything."

Her head looks down to me and I move my head off her shoulder. Our lips meet in a small but passionate kiss.

"What time do we have to meet all the caterers tomorrow?"

"Basically all day. But...you're on a strict diet for now, so you'll be eating first and then maybe 1 test later, and then you'll eat last."

"Oh, great. Now I'm going to have to be super descriptive of the food right?! I can't eat a chicken wing and say it tastes like chicken!" She starts laughing, and she can't stop. She laugh so hard that she starts crying. I want to laugh just as hard with her, but as soon as I start to laugh my chest starts to tingle. All I can do is smile.

-–—–

1 month later

"Ali, have you seen my computer? I need it!" I stop packing my clothes and walk down stairs, knowing Ali she probably took it and hid it, just so I wouldn't be able to finish packing. I reach the living room and she's on my computer with tears streaming down her eyes. "What's wrong?" I say as I sit next to her and rub her back.

"Nothing. Just some of your buddies from Afghanistan posted a video to our event page on Facebook." She turns the computer towards me and restarts the video.

Hey Fields! We miss you! Hope everything is going well, and we see you finally got your girl back! Don't worry, we wouldn't miss your wedding for the world! We'll be telling all of your embarrassing and heroic stories, just warning you. Good luck, see you soon! We love you Fields!

"Well maybe I can ask Morgan to walk me down the aisle? He's like my brother, and now he and the crew are coming! Is that okay if I ask him?!"

"Well of course baby! I can't wait to hear his stories."

"They're going to love you, and you're going to love them." I give her a kiss before speaking again. "Bring my computer up when you're done, I've got to finish packing."

"Ughh, I don't want you to leave! You're going to be gone for ever.." She says with the cutest pout on her face.

"I don't either, but we've gone longer than 5 months. It'll be over before you know it, and then I'll be home and we'll get married and go on honeymoon. And then I'll only be gone a couple months at a time." I keep talking as I walk up the stairs.

Honestly, I think I'm more nervous to come home than to be away for that long. Basically as soon as I get home our lives will change forever. My chest starts to feel like it's tightening up. Okay Emily, calm down. I know one thing that's going to help me over these 5 months. I'm planning something special for Ali. I have to finish it first, but I can't decide on whether or not I should give it to her right away or wait until later. I pick up my phone and dial an all too familiar number.

"Wifey! I miss you, do I get to see you before you leave tomorrow?" The voice coos.

"Han, you realize you can't call me that right?"

"No, I can be wife number 2! But you didn't answer my question!"

"Okay Hanna calm down. Are you in town?!"

"Well yeah, you asked me to be!"

"I know, but I didn't think that you'd be here for tomorrow! You promise me you're going to take care of her."

"Jeez, yes wifey, I will take care of soon to be wife."

"What about the thing? When should I give it to her?"

"Em, you haven't started on it yet. Don't worry, I have a plan in place for you. What time are you leaving?"

"My flight leaves at 10 am. So I'll probably be leaving at like 8 ish...depends what time I can actually get out of the house."

"Yeah because you're going to end up fucking each other in the morning and you'll be late!"

"Hanna! In all seriousness, I don't think I can."

"Don't think you can what? You're Emily fucking Fields...you could have sex with who ever you wanted!"

"No...I mean my heart Hanna! Did you forget?"

"No I didn't forget! Haven't you been cleared to return to normal activities? It's been over a month."

"Yeah, but the doctor said to stop whatever you're doing if your chest gets tight or tingly. It happened like 2 minutes before you called about me leaving!"

"Well did you tell her? What if there's something wrong?"

"He said it could take longer, I don't want to make her worried about it when I'm fine... Look, I be got to go. I'll see you in the morning okay?"

"Alright. Love you wifey."

"Yeah, I love you too Hanna." I hang up the phone and continue to pack. About 20 minutes later, Alison comes up to the room with my laptop. I can feel her staring from the door way. She doesn't say anything or move for a minute.

"So you know how I had that surprise for you before...you know...your heart basically shit the bed?" She finally speaks.

"Huh? Um kind of...not really."

"Well I'm ready to give it to you now." She walks over to our closet, and pulls out a box from the back corner. She hands it to me, and I rip it open. She laughs at how aggressively I open the box, but I really love gifts. Inside I find a lot of my favorite things: chocolate bars, pictures, candy, movies. All the good stuff, she knows me so well.

"Thank you, now when I'm missing you, I'll just eat something from the box."

"Well, I might have to confiscate the candy...or do you think you could wait a week or two before your heart is A okay?"

"I think I can wait babe."

She pulls me into a deep kiss. Her tongue dances in my mouth and draws over my lips. She bites my lip, and when she's this dominant, it's sexy as hell. Her lips move to my neck and her hands start roaming my body. Her hands find the hem of my shorts-and that's when it happens. I knew it. My chest starts to tighten up, not too bad, but I know where this is headed, and I know my heart won't be able to take it. Go away. Please just go away. I want you to go away. I want to be able to do this with my fiancé, one last time before I'm gone for a while.

"Emily?" Her voice breaks me from my thoughts, I honestly couldn't feel where her hands were. I was so focused on getting my heart to stop being a cock blocker.

"Wh-what?" I say in an almost whisper.

"I said, I want those sexy eyes on me while I make you come undone." And my heart wrenches even tighter after those words. Oh fuck, I don't want to stop. I don't want her to stop. This stupid fucking heart. "Emily...look at me."

"I don't wanna... I can't. I know it's bad. I don't wanna! This isn't fair-"

"Hey hey. It's fine. You don't have to get mad at me, you know I'll stop if you want!"

"That's the problem, I don't want you to stop...it's just that...you probably should. My heart...my stupid fucking heart is being a cock blocker! Uhhh."

"Okay, calm down. Otherwise it's going to get worse. Let's just cuddle and go to sleep. It'll be amazing when you get back okay? I'd rather you be alive and okay. Good night Emily. I love you so much."

"Hm goodnight."

 **AN: I'm really sorry for not being able to update guys! I've had a busy week, and I'll have another busy weekend this weekend. So I'm trying hard to type out the next part of the chapter! Sorry that's it's so long, but it's a 2 part chapter! Anyway, sorry for the delay, but I hope you all enjoy!**


	31. Chapter 31

Ali's POV

I wake up to a cold breeze hitting my back. I reach over to find Emily's side of the bed vacant. I'll have to get used to this feeling every morning, as Emily will be gone for a while. It's hard to think about my Emily being gone for that long, but it's nice knowing that once she gets back we will be getting married shortly after. I decide to get up, and spend that last hour I have with my killer. My hero.

I stumble downstairs intent on finishing Emily. Her bags are already placed by the door, and I hear noises from the kitchen. That girl has always loved her breakfast.

"Emily?" My brunette beauty walks into the living room carrying 2 plates of pancakes, eggs, and bacon. She's wearing her army uniform and my god...she looks sexier than ever. "Damn. You look..."

The front door flies open, and my thoughts are broken by Hanna's voice.

"Okay, you two can quit eye fucking each other. Damn wifey, you look hot!"

The three of us sit in the living room, eating breakfast and chatting with each other. Emily has promised the both of us that she would FaceTime us each night, but told Hanna that I would get to FaceTime Emily more each night than her. Emily gets up to leave and lingers at her bags when she hears Hanna and I crying.

"You guys, I'm not getting shot at. I'll be back, and I'll be able to talk to you both everyday. Hanna, you'll be able to talk to me and tease me about every little thing your twisted mind can think of. Alison, we will FaceTime and watch Grey's Anatomy and we will fall asleep with each other every night. Okay? Now give me a hug and a kiss." Hanna moves to Emily, but I intercept her before she can give Emily a hug. I kiss her passionately, and only break for air. "I will even give you play by play updates if you really want."

"Okay. Please be safe baby."

"I will. Don't worry. Bye Hanna, I'll see you both tonight, okay? I love you both."

"We love you too." Hanna and I say in unison, and we both hug her. She grabs her bags and gets into the car. Hanna and I watch as she pulls out of the driveway to head to the airport.

I wanted to drive Emily to the airport, but she wouldn't let me. She said she didn't want me to be driving home after I would be crying, and that way I don't have to go and pick her up. Hanna could've kept me company on the ride, but ultimately Emily was right. Emily is always right.

—––—

3 months later

Beep, beep, beeep. Beeep, beeep beeeeep. I can hear my phone ringing in the living room. I grab the popcorn I've prepared and practically run to the living room to answer my phone.

"Hey baby! How was your day?"

"It was good..talked to lots of people, and got way too many hugs. I'm pretty tired, how was your day?"

"Pretty boring...I haven't done much, my brain is too tired to get anything written down on paper and I-"

"Well did you go to work today? You need to be able to provide so I can mooch off you."

She says with a wink and then she laughs. I haven't told her that I've decided to hire an assistant. I hired my best friend Spencer, she's trustworthy and gets the job done. All she has to do is paper work, and then occasionally bring things over to the house so I can sign it. I decided to get an assistant because I want to write a book. About Emily, and a little bit about myself. Mostly about Emily though. I haven't told her yet, but I've gotten through the first couple chapters, but now comes the bigger parts. Her...in Iraq. In the room, getting shot, and everything else that's happened after that. I don't know how she'll react and I want to get the information right. I've already had some interest in people wanting to publish the book already...only after ready 4 chapters. Hopefully when I tell her she will be okay with it.

"Hello? You okay?"

"Hmmm? Oh, yeah! I'm just a little tired as well."

"Well we don't have to watch tonight, I know that it's late there, we can just talk until we fall asleep."

"No, I want to watch! We're in the middle of an intense episode! It took all I had in me to not finish it today! Pleaseee."

"You don't need to beg babe. Thanks for not watching the rest though. So did Mr. Clark find Derek after I fell asleep?"

"Sorta, I kept watching but I realized you fell asleep so I turned it off. He's on his way to Derek's office. Ready?"

"Yup!"

We both sit in silence as the episode plays along, until I ruin it with tears. Derek's in surgery and Meredith is a complete wreck. It makes me think of Emily. The day that I walked into her room for the very first time, I was Meredith in that moment. And that's what made me cry. Damn you Shonda. I'm hoping that Emily won't ask, because I've cried before during this show, but this time is different. I've completely lost myself.

"Hey, what wrong?" I look to her face and it's completely fallen, and concern is evident in her face.

"It just makes me think of when you were like that. I was 100% Meredith. It was a lot to take in, and if I could've switched places with you, I would've."

"I wouldn't want you too, I'm grateful that you feel like that...but I like how everything is. Even despite ALL that has happened. We're okay."

—

2 months later

My phone buzzes on the dinner table.

E-Hey! I just landed, should be home in roughly 2 hours. Can't wait to see you! :) 3

A-Okay, drive safe! 3

~3 hours later~

Alright Emily, where the fuck are you? It only takes like an hour and a half to get to the airport. Funny, I can wait 5 months, but I can't wait an extra hour and a half. If she was busy, or had to run an errand she would've called me. Or even at least shot me a quick text. Ugh. Emily! She's making me go insane, I can't just sit here and wait for hours and hours and hours! She's got 15 minutes before-my phone starts buzzing. We'll speak of the devil, she better have a really good fucking excuse!

"Hello?"

"Yes, hi, is this Ms. Alison DiLaurentis?"

"Uhh yeah, who's this?"

"I'm Seth Jones, I'm calling on behalf of the hospital here in Rosewood. We've got your fiancé here, and we need you to come straight away."

As soon as he says hospital my heart drops, and I can literally feel it shatter into hundreds of pieces. "Is she okay?" The line is silent for a moment, I only hear him awkwardly clear his throat. "IS SHE OKAY?!"

"Ma'am, I think you should just get down here as fast as possible."

I hang up the phone and race to the hospital. Normally it takes about 20 minutes to get there, but I've managed to make it in 10. I sprint into the doors, and yell at the first doctor I see.

"I'm Alison DiLaurentis! I was told my fiancé was here, where is she?!"

"Ma'am, I'm Dr. Jones, we spoke on the phone. Could you please follow me?"

I follow him down the hallway, and into an elevator. He presses the button that goes to the basement. What the hell is in the basement? When we get to the door he's been ushering me to, my knees just about give out. The morgue. He opens the door, and walks over to a body covered in black plastic. My entire world is underneath that black plastic. He lifts up the plastic...

"That's not my fiancé." I say, as I wipe tears from my face and I can literally feel my heart putting itself back together.


	32. Chapter 32

Ali's POV

The hour long car ride home is miserable. My eyes are puffy and red, and I have a terrible headache. I almost want to pull over and call Hanna, but I know that when I get home I'll want to be alone. Well, not really alone, but alone with Emily. Whenever the fuck she decides to show up. I park the car in the driveway and sit for a minute. Emily's car isn't here and this makes me even more enraged. I get out of the car and slam the door closed. Once I reach the porch, I fling the door open and slam it shut too. After I've locked the door, I turn to set my keys down when my eyes catch onto my mermaid...with a bouquet of flowers and ice cream in her hands.

"Where the fuck have you been?" I'm so livid, I can't even try to be nice right now.

"Uhh on my way back here, and then I was waiting for you to get back. Where did you go? Why were you crying, are you okay?"

"God don't try to be all nice and sweet! Why were you gone for so long? You were gone longer than you said you would be!"

"I got stopped about five times in the airport...people thanking me and stuff. Then I wanted to get you something because I missed you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean too, I didn't do it on purpose."

"Uhhh. I don't even want to look at you right now!"

"What? Why? Because I was fucking late? Because I got stopped by people? That's not my fault! What do you want me to do...pretend they're not talking to me?"

I'm silent because I know I'm in the wrong. Emily is right. Again. I'm just being over protective..it's fine.

"What's really going on Alison? Are you starting to think this is a bad idea? Like..do you want to break up?" Tears fill her eyes and I can see that she's trying to hold them back. She fails at her attempt. She sets the ice cream and flowers down on the table and plops onto the couch. Her head rests on her hands.

"No. God no. You're just about the only thing I'm sure if nowadays. Its just...I got a call tonight."

Her head pops out of her hands and she looks at me with her big brown glossy eyes. Shit. I hate when she looks like this. It's even worse that I've caused this to happen. "What happened?"

"I got a call from the hospital..they told me my fiancé was in an accident. I had to go down to the hospital and into the morgue. The whole time I thought it was you. I thought that you were hurt, dead even. I was a mess before it was even confirmed. Then, when he pulled the black bag off...guess who it was." She doesn't say anything, just sits with a blank expression and her glossy eyes are glued to mine. "Josh. Fucking Josh."

"Oh."

"Really? That's all you have to say?"

"What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry for your loss? He drugged me and held us both at gunpoint. If he tried something again I was going to shoot him myself. But if you're sad about it, it's-"

"No I'm not sad. It's just that you-"

"Alison."

"What?!" I snap, but I didn't mean too.

"I'm right here. I'm real, I'm fine. Now come give me a kiss."

I walk over to Emily, sit on her lap and immediately crash our lips together. We have our moment of happiness, and Emily starts to pull back. I let her (and myself if I'm being honest) catch her breath before I kiss her again. I fight for control, and Emily finally gives up. I sit up a bit in order to take off my shirt.

"Wait. Don't you want to go upstairs?"

"Only if you carry me."

"Uhhh fine." I cling my legs around her waist and she holds my back for more support. As she walks up the steps I keep my mouth playing with her neck. I kiss and suck her neck, getting a few low moans out of her. She basically throws me on the bed and crawls on top of me. We kiss for a little longer, and I start to take off her clothes. Usually I like when she's on top, but tonight will be different. Once she takes my clothes off, I flip us over so that I'm on top.

"Wait." I lean over to my bedside table and open the drawer. I grab the pair of handcuffs and lean back on top of my brunette beauty. "Give me your hands." She pauses for a moment and just stares at the handcuffs. "C'mon Em, give me your hands." She doesn't wait any longer, her soft hands rest in mine before I snap them together to the headrest. "No touching...I just want to make you feel good tonight."

"Ali..."

I don't waste anytime and dive my fingers into her. She squirms under my touch and I love it. I start off with 2 fingers going at a nice steady pace.

"Alison."

I start pumping her harder and suck on her clit. I flick it with my tongue and she basically becomes stiff as a board underneath me. I curl my fingers inside of her, hitting her spot. I keep my mouth on her and playing with her clit, while curling my fingers to her spot.

"Alison!"

My baby is close and all she's needs is a little encouragement. "Come for me. Right now baby...come for me." It only takes another minute before she comes undone and I feel victorious. Mission accomplished. I slowly make my way back up to her lips but I plant kisses on every part of her body. Once I reach her lips my tongue dominates hers.

"Alison." She mumbles against my lips. I keep kissing her. "Alison!" This time she yells at me. What the hell?

"What baby?" I say with a soft voice, hoping that she won't keep yelling at me.

"Can you undo my hands?"

"Of course baby." I open the bedside table again to grab the key. I unlock the first handcuff and her hand slides out. Her wrist is all bloody, and I'm assuming her other one is too. I free her other hand before asking. "Emily, I'm sorry. Did I make them too tight?"

"No." She's not even looking at me when she's talking. She rolled over on her side so that she's facing away from me. I grab her arm and pull her towards me a bit so I can see her face.

"Em, it's my-" When I finally see her face, I see that she's crying. "Em? What's wrong? Did I-"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Emily...talk to me. Everything will be okay, I promise."

"I-I...I don't really know how to say this."

"Okay?...Just say it, like a bandaid." She still doesn't say anything, so I cradle her arms and say. "Let me clean your wrists." I drag her to the bathroom and sit her on the toilet seat. I get them both cleaned up and about to put bandages on both wrists before what she says stops me in my tracks. I'm sure I look like a deer in headlights right now.

"They raped me." Her voice is soft, and she's looking down at the floor. Oh shit. Now I'm pissed. I want to go over to Iraq myself and kill those guys who are stuck in prison.

"Why didn't you tell anyone? Oh my god! I made you-I made you feel like-"

"No it's not your fault. I thought people wouldn't have believed me. But that's why my eye was the way it was-still is."

"Yeah, it's not my fault but I made you feel like that again!"

"No you didn't."

"Stop lying Emily! I made you feel hurt and violated!"

"Stop yelling at me." She says with a very soft voice. It's practically a whisper. Her eyes flicker back down to the floor and she starts crying again.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know."

"I'm sorry...that I..basically just raped you. I didn't know-"

"Hey..you didn't. I wanted too...it was the handcuffs. I just need to be able to touch you."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay. Will you hold me please?"

"Of course baby. I'll even take you to bed."

I put the bandages on her wrists and pick her up. I want to collapse on the ground because I'm not strong enough, but I have to do this for her. I reach the bed and gently set her down and I snuggle up next to her. Her eyes are closed and I gently run my fingers through her hair. It only takes a few minutes but her breathing goes from sporadic to steady and even. I press a kiss to her head. "I love you." I let myself fall asleep with Emily wrapped in my arms.


	33. Chapter 33

**The Bachelorette Parties**

Hanna and Aria have this whole night planned and I'm honestly a little scared for it. I know what Hanna's like, but Aria is a complete wild card. When they arrive at the house, I give Alison a kiss and tell her not to have too much fun before I'm being blindfolded and shoved in the back of the car. The girls put headphones on me and start playing music. We come to a stop, and I only know that because of Hanna's terrible driving. Both girls grab me and drag me out of the car but don't take my blindfold or headphones off yet. We walk for a bit before I'm pushed down into a seat. Soon after either Hanna or Aria sit on my lap, but only for a few seconds. They come into contact with me again, and I know where we are. A strip club.

"Guys...I don't want this." I say as I take off my blindfold. There's a blonde grinding on me who has no clothes on. There's only one problem...Hanna and Aria aren't in the room. I feel disgusting in here, I feel disgusting with this woman grinding on me. My eyes shoot for the door, as I'm planning my exit.

"I'll still pay you..but will you please stop?" The blonde turns around and and licks from the base of my neck to my ear. I don't even want to look at her. This is wrong, and I do NOT like this. Hanna and Aria will be in deep shit.

"I can't do that. Your friends already payed me...and they want you to enjoy."

She's basically throwing her boobs at me and her lips cling to my neck. This bitch.

"No. Get the fuck off of me." I push her off of me and make a beeline for the door. I'm stopped by her hands, as she pulls me by the arm. She shoves me against the wall and her legs presses up against my core.

"I'm here to do my job, just relax and enjoy the ride." Her hand move down my stomach and to the edge of my jeans. Oh hell no.

"Get off me before I get pissed!" I shove her back again, and this time make it safely outside of the door before she can grab me. When I walk out, I find myself on the street. I see a bar across the street and decide to go grab a drink before calling Hanna and Aria over to get me.

Alison's POV

It's been a really nice and relaxing night so far. We've gotten mani's and pedi's, ate some really great Italian food, and now we are drinking wine and just chatting. I've wanted to text Emily a couple times tonight, but Spencer took my phone so I couldn't. The girls and I decided to watch a movie, so I start rummaging through my stack. I started The Last Song in the DVD player. About an hour later Spencer pulls her phone out of her pocket.

"Here." She throws the phone over to me. "I think you need to get ahold of Hanna." I look down at the phone. It's my phone, I received a message from Emily.

Emily: Het babr! Hope your hsvibg fun. See yoi soon! ;)

Oh my god, I'm going to kill Hanna.

To Emily: I am:) have you been drinking?

To Hanna: Hanna! I thought you had her under control tonight?

From Hanna: We do! Everything is going great!:)

To Hanna: Yeah? How much has she had to drink tonight?

From Hanna: Maybe 1 or 2 drinks, she's fine!

To Hanna: Hanna, she doesn't get wasted after 2 drinks...cut her off. NOW.

From Emily: I dint knowwww. I camt remmenber. :(

From Hanna: We would...if we could find her...we've been looking for her for the past 2 hours.

To Hanna: You lost her?! Well you better fucking find her!

To Emily: Okay, stop drinking baby. Where are you?

From Hanna: We've looked everywhere. What do we do?

To Hanna: Umm..keep fucking looking?

From Emily: Taystee's

To Hanna: She's at Taystee's. Whatever and wherever the fuck that is. Find Taystee's, find her. You better pray that she's in good shape for tomorrow's rehearsal.

I wake up to a mess of brunette hair in my face. I gently shove the hair out of my face and roll over to my grab my phone to send Emily a text. Spencer is on the floor next to me. What the hell? She fell asleep in my bed last night? Who the hell was this chick in my bed then? I inspect the almost lifeless body laying next to me. Emily. How did she get here? Why are there hickeys all over her?! Hanna! What did you do to my sweet little angel last night?! I immediately shoot a text to Hanna.

To Hanna: What happened last night?! And you better tell me the truth! All of it!

From Hanna: We brought her to a strip club, got her a private dance and then she must've gone to the bar. When we got there, there was a guy and a girl all over her. That's all I know. I brought her back to your house at 5:30.

To Hanna: Hanna, are you fucking kidding me? You bought her a private dance? What the hell?! Your gift was for her to cheat on me? YOU ARE SO DEAD. How is she supposed to be functional today?!

"Spencer! Get up! Emily basically cheated on me last night with some hooker girl!" The brunette laying on the floor shot up.

"What?!"

"No...I didn't." A mumbled and hoarse voice says next to me. "Can you go freak out in the living room please? I'm really tired."

"Yeah, I'll wake you up later okay? C'mon Spence, we need to talk."


	34. Chapter 34

Alison's POV

"Spencer, what am I going to do?! She slept with 3 people last night!"

"Alison, she said she didn't have sex with that chick. And who knows what happened at the bar. Text Hanna, see exactly what they saw when they went in there to pick her up."

To Hanna: What exactly happened last night? I want every single detail from the moment the three of you stepped into the strip club until you picked Emily up from that bar!

Spencer sits next to me and we both stare at my phone, waiting for Hanna to answer me back. The icon shows that Hanna starts answering me back and I tense up. Spencer and I sit in silence awaiting her response. I lock my phone and set it on the table, it's making me too nervous to look at it. A few minutes later my phone vibrates and Spencer picks it up.

From Hanna: We brought her in the room with the naked chick and paid her. Then Aria and I went out to the regular part of the strip club and we were talking and had some food. We were waiting for Emily, and it had been a while, but we thought that you know she just kept going for more rounds. We finally realized that the chick we paid was dancing on someone else, that it couldn't have been the case. We tried calling and texting her but she didn't answer. Then we drove down the street and back to my hotel to see if she went there. Then you texted me and when we got to the bar she was hugging the guy and the girl had her hand on Emily's back. That's it. I basically dragged her away from the two of them. Then I brought her home later, we tried asking her what happened but she was too out of it. We sobered her up a little bit before dropping her off at your house.

"Spence. How am I going to know what happened at the bar?"

"I don't know.."

"You mean for once you have no idea? Your big brain can't come up with a plan!"

"Alison don't yell. Emily's sleeping and you're probably getting mad over nothing."

"What if those two took advantage of her in the bar! What if Emily-"

"Yes, that fucker gave me a hickey..even though I told her to get off me but nothing happened between those 2 in the bar." Emily's hoarse voice calls behind me.

"How can you be sure of that? You were drunk!" I yell back at her. I turn my head to Spencer and she's just sitting there staring at her coffee.

"What was he wearing? Was he wearing a black Guns N' Roses tee shirt?"

"I-I don't know. Let me ask Hanna." I grab my phone and shoot Hanna another text.

To Hanna: Was he wearing a black Guns N' Roses tee shirt?

From Hanna: Yeah! How did you know that?!

"Yeah that's what he was wearing."

"That was a dad and sister of a guy who was in my platoon. Apparently I saved his life twice or something, so. He obviously saw the news and interviews because he asked me how I was doing and told me he was sorry about what had happened to me. He was excited that I was able to find someone like you too. It was weird, it felt like talking to my dad. His son is still in Iraq so he was asking me questions about over there and stuff. I don't remember why I hugged him and why she was touching me, but I think I was crying. I invited them to come to the wedding too, so we gotta make room for them. Sorry. I don't know though, but I do know that I didn't cheat on you. I never could, I'd never be able to do that. So can I go back to bed now?"

"I'm sorry...that I thought you would cheat on me."

"Honestly babe, it's okay. But trust me, I never would and I never will."

Emily walks over to me and gives me a quick peck on the lips before heading upstairs.

"So you're not even going to ask her why she was crying? Or why she started drinking?"

"Spencer, if she was ready to tell me or wanted to tell me she would. But she is telling the truth. Her eyes tell it all you know."

"Okay Alison, whatever you think."

"Pick and choose your battles Spence."

That night

"So your going over to stay at Hanna's hotel room tonight?"

"Yeah, have fun at Spencer's. Are the other girls staying too?"

"No, just Spence and I. Don't have too much fun with Hanna."

"No drinking...I promise." Emily leans in a gives me a kiss.

"I can't believe we are getting married tomorrow."

"I've waited a really long time for this. I'm beyond ready." She says with a gigantic smile plastered on her face.

"God you're so beautiful. How did I get so lucky?"

"Well you were my emergency contact." I hit her in the shoulder. "Ouch. Too soon?"

"You can be such a smart ass sometimes! I love you."

"I love you too. I can't wait for you to meet my friends tomorrow!" Hanna grabs Emily by the arm and drags her out of the door way. "Text me!"

To Emily: Goodnight baby! I love you so much! I can't wait to see how beautiful you will be tomorrow and I guess I'm a little excited to become your wife! :)

From Emily: I can't wait for tomorrow either! I'm probably going to be all cliché and starts crying when I see you walk down that aisle. I love you more than you can even imagine princess! :)

AN: Happy Thanksgiving to you all! I hope that you all have a great day and eat lots!

Anyway, the next chapter will probably be longer, but for now enjoy!


	35. Chapter 35

"So it is to my knowledge that you have both written your vows, Alison would you go first?"

Alison turns to grab a piece of paper from Spencer and our eyes meet before she unfolds it. She smiles at me and tears are already forming in her eyes. She looks so beautiful. She takes a deep breath before starting her vows to try to calm herself down.

"Emily, I know everything we've ever done hasn't been easy. But loving you has been easy. You're the only person that I've ever been in love with. I've loved you since I can remember. You've always seen me as a better person than what I really am. You always put me first, even when you really need attention yourself. You mean more to me than you will ever know. You are my McDreamy. You're the epitome of what I want to come home too, who I want to eat dinner with, and who I want to be around. You are also my Christina Yang. You're always there for me, give me great advice, and know just how to calm me down. You are my soulmate and my person. I feel safe in your loving and caring arms. This is going to sound really selfish, I had you, which was the best feeling in the world, then I lost you-which almost crushed me..and then I almost lost you when I didn't have you. And that hurt more than anything, I didn't want to lose you without getting to share everything with you. It hurt not having you next to me for thanksgivings and Christmas'. 5 years passed and I sat there, every holiday, wishing that you were next to me. I have loved you forever and I will love you forever. Now that I have you again, I promise..I am never letting go."

The tears she was trying to hold back eventually slip down her face, and I catch them with my thumbs. "Emily?" The priest says. Okay, here goes nothing. I hope I get everything meaningful out now.

"Alison. You stole a couple things that I had in mind, but I have so much to say. I could stand here until 10 pm tomorrow night, but I'm not going to do that. You are the best and worst thing that's ever happened to me. You're the worst because you distract me so easily..even when your not in the room. My thoughts are consumed by you Ali. All day. It's costed me..twice...2 bullets to the stomach. But it was the best pain I've ever felt. You're the best thing because you make me feel like I'm indestructible. You make me the person that I am today. You keep me grounded and sane. You never gave up on me. Even when people didn't give me a chance, you did. You joked about me putting this in my vows but...it's the truth. You've never gave up on me, you've always been proud of me. Even when you're disappointed in me, you're still proud of me and you still show me that you love me. And that's why I love you. You have such a big heart and you care about me like my family would. You've always been my family. I've loved you since I was 13 or 14, it's been so long I can't remember. But I fall in love with you all over again each day, and each day I fall even harder for are my home, and I finally own the key."

"You may now kiss the bride!"

I flip over Alison's veil and cup her cheeks with my hands. Our lips meet, and even though we keep it PG this is kiss gives me a shiver down my whole spine. It makes me officially have a family again, and I could not be more grateful for that.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The night passes by quickly, and I'm so engrossed into my new wife that it's honestly a little weird. I've never been like this. I missed both maid of honor speeches. Oops. But my friends recorded it anyway, so it's not like I missed anything. Hanna showed the video that I made for Alison. It had a bunch of pictures of us, some videos, and her and my mom and dad. She cried about 10 different times during the video, and it was only 8 minutes long. It's already time for our first dance, and I told Ali that I got to pick the song. It's supposed to be a surprise for her, but she might know what it is already. Hanna has a big mouth.

"Are you going to tell me what song we're dancing to, my lovely wife?" She asks as she takes my hand and drags me to the dance floor. Before I can even answer, the sting starts playing and we both start swaying to the beat. As the song's lyrics start to be sung, Alison's eyes start flooding with tears again.

 _I have died every day_

 _Waiting for you_

 _Darlin' don't be afraid  
I have loved you for a_

 _Thousand years  
I'll love you for a_

 _Thousand more  
And all along I believed _

_I would find you  
Time has brought_

 _Your heart to me  
I have loved you for a_

 _Thousand years_

 _I'll love you for a_

 _Thousand more_

After our dance, Alison takes the time to go talk to my buddies from Iraq. I talk with Hanna for a bit, before joining them.

"Hey, so I see you've met Sam, John, and Jana. Hey guys, it's really good to see you all!" I say as I give each of them a hug. "I hope you haven't been telling bad stories about me."

"Oh, we were just telling her the story about when you saved, like all of us. You know when you almost got blown up and shot, and you basically took out the attackers all by yourself." Sam says with a big smile on his face.

"Okay, well you three come find me when you're done talking about me."

I go and sit outside next to the garden, and I'm grateful that no one else is out here. Everyone else is inside dancing and having fun.

"Are you okay Em?" I turn my head around to see who's calling for me.

"Hey Han, I'm fine. I'm good actually."

"How come you're out here then? You better not be fucking rethinking this. I killed that maid of honor speech and I better not have put this stupid ass dress on for 8 hours for nothing!"

"Hanna calm down!" I laugh and so does she. "I just wish my mom and dad were here, that's all. I've never been more sure of anything in my life Han, it wasn't a waste."

"God Em, you're so pussy whipped."

"Hanna!" I playfully punch her arm as I feel my cheeks to start burning.

"Oww! She must be really good though, look at you blush!"

"Hanna shut up." My cheeks start burning even more than they already were.

"I'm happy for you, ya know? And I'm really glad you're here."

"Thanks Han. Where else would I be?"

"I mean I'm glad you're still alive." I put my arm around Hanna and she leans her head on my shoulder. "I would've missed you way too much. I still miss you too much. That's why...I'm moving back here."

"What? What about your fashion career?"

"I'm going to open my own business here and I'm thinking about maybe seeing if Ali wants to help me out."

"Well that's great Hanna! Why didn't you tell me before?!"

"Because it's your wedding! Plus you were all stressed out for a while, and you were gone for months. I just wanted to tell you when things calmed down!"

"Well I'm really proud of you. I'm sure Alison would love that idea."

We sit in silence for a few minutes, and we stay next to each other. I've missed Hanna too. We haven't been able to really hang out that often with me being gone and Ali basically defiling every piece of furniture in the house. We got to hang out last night, but my ass fell asleep on her and I feel bad. Now I'll get a lot of time to spend with her. I really wish that my mom and dad were here. They probably would've loved all of this. I know they both loved Alison, almost like she was one of their daughters. It kills me a little bit seeing Ali be able to have her parents here. Hell, even Jason's here. I know that she isn't really close with them, I think she was closer with my parents, but still...it's the fact that she still actually has parents. I don't even have any grandparents left. All of a sudden there's a flash and Alison's voice rings in our ears.

"Glad I caught this moment. Han, can I have a moment with my wife please?"

"Yeah, see you later Em." Hanna gets up and smiles at Alison. I get up too and walk over to Alison.

"Hey princess, my friends weren't too embarrassing were they?" I say after we share a passionate kiss.

"No they were telling me how amazing you are, and all the great things you've done. I'll be giving you a reward tonight." Oh god, my cheeks start to burn up again.

"Are you being naughty Mrs. Fields?" I say with a smirk.

"Mmmm, say that again."

"Mrs. Fields."

"I'll never get tired of you saying that." A big smile comes to my face and I'm honestly the happiest I've been I a really long time. "I am a little pissed at you though." Oh shit. What did I do now? I seriously can't go one day without fucking something up.

"What?"

"You've made me cry way too many times today, and I haven't made you cry yet."

"I'm sorry, I'm just so happy and I don't know..I just know that you're the one and..I don't know. I use to be this emotional person but, Iraq really changed me. The one time I let myself get too emotional I almost died." My heart is beating so fast and my palms start getting sweaty. I can't really remember the last time I cried, and that's not really a good thing I'd say in my book. I should be crying every single day. Tears of joy, I get to wake up next to the love of my life and it's not a dream. Guaranteed she says I'm not over in Iraq anymore.

"Hey it's okay, I was just teasing you. You're not there anymore, you can let your walls down with me." Boom, point for Emily. "Okay but you really killed it with the song choices. A Thousand Years for our first dance, and Wanted and When I Look at You in the video. Don't even get me started on the video..."

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to show you how much I love you. It's how you should be treated."

"You treat me way too good Emily."

"It's how you deserve to be treated."

"Like a princess should be? You know..that's my favorite nickname you have for me." Point 2 for Emily. Alison's eyes turn soft, and her perfect lips form into a smile. We share a kiss again, and this time it's Hanna who captured the moment with a picture. Alison and Hanna both walk back inside to join the party again. I told Alison that I'd be back inside in a few minutes as Sam, John and Jana were looking for me. The rest of the night is going to be amazing. I'll get to catch up with my best friends from Iraq, and I'll finally be able to give Alison her surprise. Well technically it's our surprise, but I already know what it is. It's been really hard not to tell her, I haven't told anyone because if I told Hanna, then the truth would've been out after 1 day. I head back inside to enjoy the night dancing away with my new wife and telling stories with all of mine and Alison's friends.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I hop into the drivers seat of Alison's car as she resides in the passenger. She's asked me where we were going about 100 times and each time I turn the radio up a little louder. I'm such a savage sometimes, anyway..I can't wait to see what her reaction is going to be. Hopefully she won't be mad at me, but chances are is that she will be mad, but I know she's going to love it. She thinks that we are going to some hotel tonight to leave for our honeymoon tomorrow. For me being so "dormant" during our wedding planning, I've basically planned over half the wedding. It's bad that I've let her believe that she knew what was coming, but it'll be worth getting yelled at. Which might not even happen. Considering how emotional she's been tonight, I'd say chances are pretty low of being yelled at. We're actually flying out for our honeymoon tomorrow and we will be going to Playa Del Carmen, Mexico. At least she knows where we are actually going. We've been driving all of 5 minutes before I bring the car to a stop.

"Emily? What are you doing?" Her voice is soft and filled with concern. Well now I'm thinking that she's going to start crying.

"We're here."

"Em?"

"This is ours."

"Emily, what do you mean this is ours?"


	36. Chapter 36

Alison's POV

Emily gets in the drivers seat of my car and starts the engine. She gives me a cheeky smile before putting the car in drive and interlocking our fingers. She brings my hand up to her face and kisses the back of my hand. She literally makes my heart gush. I think we're both really excited to be going on our honeymoon, neither of us are really talking, we're both really just listening to the radio and singing. I've asked her a few times where we are going to stay, but each time she's just turned the radio up even louder. I've given up on trying to see where we are headed. my mind immediately goes to our mini vacation. I'm excited to lay on the beach. Maybe we will go see or do a couple of things while we are there. I've heard some really good things about our resort that we will be staying at. It's basically all outside, and there's a bunch of animals that surround the resort. So that will be pretty cool to see all the different animals. Tonight might be the most fun though. We're supposed to be on our flight at noon tomorrow, but hopefully it won't take long to get to the hotel. I've missed being with Emily, all alone. It's been like 1 day, but call me crazy, but I've finally found the person who holds my heart. I know right? Alison DiLaurentis settling down? Well, Alison Fields now. The car comes to a stop, a mere 5 minutes we've been driving. I look out the window and see a gigantic house in front of us.

"Emily? What are you doing?" I say as she gets out of the car and stares at the house. The house is honestly really beautiful. There's a giant garage to go with the huge house, a fence enclosing the house, trees and shrubs lining the inside of the house, and flowers along the sides of the little pathway to the front door. I look at Emily, and she has the biggest smile on her face. I interlock or hands and try to pull her back into the car.

"We're here." She says as her arm stops me from going back into the car.

"Em?" One can dream, but we have places to be. It's like she's starstruck.

"This is ours."

"Emily, what do you mean this is ours?" Okay, for real, Emily snap out of it. Is she on drugs or something. _This is ours._ Pfft. I wish this was my house too, but we can't afford this.

She grabs a handful of keys from her pocket and her glimmering eyes meet mine. "You wanna go take a look inside?" I can't even think of any words to say to her, so I nod my head excitedly like a little 4 year old getting ice cream.

She gives me a tour of the whole house, and I'm so in love with this house. Not as much as I'm in love with her but still..it's amazing. I think I love that we have the whole 3rd floor to ourselves. She drags me outside to see the pool and the mini bar out back.

"Emily, it's beautiful. When did you...how did you...Emily Fields, you are in trouble."

"Well, I'm about to be in more trouble then, we still have another place to look."

"What, do you have secret places to hide from me?"

"That would defeat the purpose of hiding." She says with a wink. She tugs me toward the garage. I'm not even interested in the garage, because that probably where she's going to hide out when the kids are screaming. I'll have to do-woah ohhhh. Kids. For one, we haven't even talked about having kids yet, or how many we want. Secondly, did she plan this all out in mind with kids? And lastly, holy shit. I actually want kids. Alison DiLau-FIELDS, I'm still not used to that, actually wants to have a child. I think if I was with anyone else, I would never have kids. I know that Em really wants kids, and I feel bad that she can't have them herself, but we will make it work when the time comes. She opens the garage door and there sit 2 vehicles. Both wrapped in big red bows. Now she's really in trouble.

"So, the black one is mine, and the silver one is yours."

"Emily Fields, are these brand new?" I ask with a stern voice.

"Yup! Only the best for my princess!" She says with a cheeky smile. I actually love the car she picked out for me, and the house, but now she's in deep shit.

"Well now you're really getting carried away. You'll get payback tonight, let's go now though. I don't think I can wait."

"Well don't _have_ to be at the hotel to do that you know."

"Heh, baby, you get sleepy after sex, and tonight I'm gonna knock you out."

When we get to the hotel, I waste no time getting to work. I push Emily onto the bed and climb on top of her, so that I'm straddling her. Our lips meet in a hungry kiss, and our tongues fight for dominance. I start grinding my hips against her, and she releases a moan. This also puts me in control of our kiss. Her hands cup my ass and she squeezes like she's holding on for dear life. "Un-uh. Your hands stay in neutral zones tonight baby." I whisper seductively in her ear as I move her hands to my waist. I rip off her clothes and my hand immediately shoots down her panties. "Hmmm, youre so wet for me baby." I tease her, running my fingers along her wet flesh. She whimpers every time my fingers graze her clit.

"I...love you."

"I love you too baby." My fingers tangle with her engorged bud and it makes her writhe under me. My other hand plays with her nipple as my mouth is sucking on her other one. Her hips uncontalably rise into my palm as moans escape from her mouth.

"Ali...please.."

I release her nipple with a pop. "What? What do you want baby?"

"I-I"

"Is this what you want?" I ask as I slam my fingers inside of her.

"Ohhh FUCK." I smirk as I curl my fingers inside of her knowing that it makes her tick. My thumb is dancing circles around her clit. Her hips keep bucking forward into my hand and her moans become louder and louder. "Ali..." I give her clit one flick with my tongue, knowing that will put her over the edge. "ALISON!" She screams, she's never screamed my full name before and to say that I'm turned on right now, is an understatement. "I...love...you..soo much." She huffs out, and I can't help but have a huge smile on my face. I let her catch her breath before I pull out my surprise for her

"You think you're the only one with surprises?"

"Ali...can I-"

I cut her off as I turn the vibrator on and play with her some more. I alternate between placing it on her sensitive bundle and slamming it inside her. "Shit..Ali. Mmmm." I keep my newly wed up until 4 am, making her come undone over and over again. Good thing she deserves it.


	37. Chapter 37

It's been a whole month since we got back from our honeymoon and we still haven't received the disk full of pictures from our trip. Alison looks like she's about to cry. The girls have been dying to know what it was like and wanted to know everything that happened. In reality, she's pissed that it's taking so long for the photos to burn to the DVD. It was supposed to be done 2 weeks ago.

The next day the package comes in the mail, so Alison invites the girls over. She has to make sure my schedule is clear, like every 5 seconds, just so we can all sit down and enjoy it together. It seems a little odd to have a big moment for our trip, but whatever. The girls finally arrive at the house and they spend the first 2 hours marveling over the house. When we all finally sit down, Alison plugs the DVD into the player, but my phone starts ringing before she can press play.

"Wait a minute babe, I gotta take this." I hold up my phone, and walk up stairs to the second floor living room for some privacy.

After a long frantic 45 minutes I rush downstairs with my suitcases and dressed in my uniform. Hanna and Alison give me a look of disappointment, while Spencer and Aria are completely out of the loop on this one.

"Look, princess..I have to go. My friend really needs me, and then we're going to do the last 'tour' after. 5 months, then I'm done. I already told the boss man that this was the last one. It might be a while, it might be really fast. I have to go now though, my plane leaves in 2 hours."

"Yeah, but Emily there was something I had to tell you."

"Alison. You can tell me when I get back. I promise it's going to be okay. This is it, this is the last time I leave. Okay?"

"Okay." I pull her in for a passionate kiss and our lips move in sync with each others. The girls make a groaning noise, but Alison and I continue with our passion.

When we finally break, I breathe out, "I love you." I open the door and turn around waiting for Alison to say it back, but she doesn't. I know she does, I think she's shocked and angry that I'm leaving. I close the door and speed away from our new home.

Hanna's POV

"Alison? Why didn't you tell her?"

"Tell her what?!" Spencer and Aria question as the both share a pointed look.

"Because Han, she wants me to tell her when she gets back."

"Alison! She wouldn't say that if she knew! You should've told her a long time ago!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

7 months later.

"Ali, I can't fucking stand this anymore. Call Emily up. Tell her. And she will race her ass back here so fast I'm pretty sure she will catch fire. Like she's falling from space."

"Yeah, Ali, you should really tell her now. You have only been communicating between texts and she's probably getting worried. Spencer chimes in and Aria gives a nod of approval. The five of us have gotten really close over the past year with Emily and Alison getting married. Lately it's been the four of us minus Emily because she's been away for a really long time. She promised Alison that she wouldn't be gone longer than 6 months.

"Okay you guys, tonight. But will you all be here please?"

"Of course we will." We all say together.

HOURS LATER

"Hanna, what if she doesn't pick up? What if she's mad at me?"

"Alison calm down. She's not mad at you." I wait for Ali to click on Emily's name so we can FaceTime her, but she sits in silence. I give her a minute before I click on her name, and it begins to ring. It only rings 3 times before Emily appears on screen.

"Hey guys!" She says. We all give a hello and a wave. "Hi princess."

Before Ali can even answer, I but in. "Alright, we aren't here for you 2 to be all cute."

"Alright...then why are we here?" Emily questions. All eyes land on Alison, and I swear I can hear her heart rate pick up.

"Em, she has to tell you something."

"The book? I know about the book. Is that what you've been stressing about? I better get the second copy, seeing I'm the soldier to your wife! Like what I did there."

"No, Em-" Before she can say anything a small shriek pierces the room and everyone becomes dead silent.

"What was that? Was that a baby?"

"Uh-um. It-yeah. I-" Ali stammers on her words.

"Yeah, she's mine." Spencer says, as Ali breathes a sigh of relief.

"Wait. Are you like getting married or something?" Emily questions Spencer. This situation is too awkward and it's gotten too far out of control.

"No, it was with a guy who I had a one nighter with." Spencer says calmly. No wonder why she's in law, she could literally lie about anything and get away with it.

"Okay...then why are we making a big deal about this?"

"You are the godparent of my child Emily. The 5 of us are going to be godparents for each others kids."

"Yeah? Well I can't have kids. And you don't want me as a godparent anyway, I might be dead. So you can take me out of that and give that duty to someone else." Emily replies coldly. The four of us share a look. What's going on with Em? It's silent for a few minutes, and Emily's eyes aren't even looking at the screen. She's playing with her hands now, with her head bowed down.

"Wait, why would you say you might be dead?" Alison says in a low whisper that's barely audible. Emily doesn't answer right away, so I thought maybe she didn't hear but she did.

"Ughhh. Shit. I lied to you."

"Emily! What are-"

"Just shut up and listen." Alison stares intently at Emily. This is beyond awkward. I'm ready to stand up and leave, but I know Alison would have my head for it. "Sorry, but I couldn't kiss you to shut you up. I'm not actually on some tour thing talking to people."

"Well what are you doing?! You want to be away from me for months at a time?! Why would you even be with me then?" Alison screams at the computer.

"Alison. It's not like that."

"Then what's it like Emily?!"

"He's here."

Alison starts crying after the words spill out of Emily's mouth. Am I missing something here? Who's here? They're both not making any sense right now. It's silent for a few minutes and I watch as Alison cries and Emily is glued to her.

"Who's fucking here?" I speak up. Spencer and Aria both glance at me before turning back to the computer. Alison still has her head buried into her hands as tears stream down her cheeks.

"The guy, Hanna. THE guy."

"What do you mea-ohhh. Ohhh! Oh shit."

"Yeah oh shit. When I left the first time he went to the hospital I was brought to first. And when I left last time he was here."

"Okay, but why is he looking for you Em?"

"I don't know, he probably wants to make sure I won't say anything...about you know."

"Why'd you have to leave then?"

"Hanna, are you fucking serious?! You think I'd put Alison in danger? You think I'd put you guys in danger? He's not gonna get the chance too. If all goes as planned I should be home in 2 days."

"What happens if you aren't home in 2 days? What's the plan?"

"Hanna you ask too many questions. You already know deep down the answer to the first questions. And I can't tell you the plan. It's government confidentiality." The five of us sit in silence, it's almost like you can hear all of our blood flowing it's so quiet. There's a quiet knock at the door, and Spencer gets up to open the door.

"There's no one here, and there's nothing left outside." Spencer says as she takes her previous position on the couch. Emily's eyes dance between the four of us.

"I have to go." She says. "I love you all, but I love you the most Ali. Wait for me. 2 days. Just 2 more days princess." The knocking noice comes again, but this time even louder and a yell that follows the pounding. "Would you hold on a minute? For fucks sake! Alison, please, I'm sorry. I have to take care of this, I love you okay?" The screen goes black before Alison even says a word back to Emily. She might end up regretting that if Emily doesn't come back.

"I love you too Em, and so will our daughter."


	38. Chapter 38

Alison's POV

2 days. 48 hours. 2880 minutes. 17,820 seconds. Too many ticks of the clock. A lot can happen, and a lot can change in 1 hour, let alone 48. A lot can change in seconds, in the blink of an eye even. I've waited too long to be with Emily. I've waited years. It seems strange..if you asked me 6 years ago now, to wait 2 days...and Emily would be home. 2 days and Emily and I would end up together...I would've said that was no problem. But now, I can't wait. I can't just sit here and pretend that everything is okay, or that it will actually happen. You just don't know...and I need Emily. I need her to come back. If she doesn't, I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.

I walk into the new nursery and pick up little baby Fields. It's crazy how much she looks like Em. My little peanut, Megan Pamela Fields. I've decided that she's the only one who will get me through the day today.

"Hey baby. You'll get to meet your other mommy soon. Yeah! You wanna meet your other mommy? You want her to come home? Me too sweetie."

We spent most of the day just lounging around by the pool, and I wrote a little bit more for my book. I send my book off next week to get finalized and then it will hit the shelves a month or so after that. Megan starts getting fussy, so I feed her and bring her upstairs to put her to bed. She even sleeps like Emily, sprawled out with an arm resting by her head. When I finish marveling at my precious little girl, I start to walk out of her room and there's a knock at the door. I know that it won't wake Megan up, she's a heavy sleeper just like Em. I still walk down the stairs, tiptoeing each step to the front door. When I open the door, there she stands. My beautiful wife holding a bouquet of roses, a bottle of wine, and my favorite ice cream. My arms cling around her and hold her tight.

"I missed you." I say.

"I missed you too." I pull away from our hug and I claim her lips. God I missed how her lips felt against mine. The kiss is filled with desperation and passion. It's been too long without kissing her, holding her, and being around her. We finally break apart and head inside.

She puts my flowers in a vase and the ice cream in the freezer. I can see that she's walking with a noticeable limp. We head into the living room and sit on the couch. I curl my body into her, with my arms around her waist.

"Is your leg okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, my knee is just a little sore. I'll be okay. I promise"

"What happened? With him?"

"I took care of it. It's all okay now, and I'll never have to leave again." She says in a whisper. I'm glad that it's all over, but she probably had to do something she didn't want too. I can hear the hurt and disappointment in her voice.

"I thought you weren't going to be home until tomorrow?" My voice calls out, filled with question.

"Me too. Boss let me come back tonight, I thought the paperwork would take until tomorrow."

"I'm glad you're here."

"Me too princess." She says and kisses the top of my head. We sit in silence for a while, just taking each other in. She finally breaks the silence when she lifts me off of her so she can look in my eyes. "Are we okay?" She asks as her brown eyes are locked onto mine. I can see the twinkle in her eye, the same twinkle she gets before she breaks down. It only happens once in a great while, so this look I know.

"Yeah, we're better than okay." I connect our lips again, but this time it's short and sweet. She pulls back and this time her eyes are filled with glimmer and happiness.

"So what was it that you wanted to tell me?" She says with a big smile on her face. I missed her beautiful smile too.

"How about I show you?" She nods her head and I stand up and extend my hand for her to follow me. I walk upstairs and my heart starts beating uncontrollably fast. When I reach Megan's room, I pause for a minute and take a deep breath. I open the door and turn on the lights. Emily looks at me all puzzled when she sees the crib. I walk over and pick Megan up and place her into Emily's arms.

"This is our daughter, Megan Pamela Fields." Emily's eyes dart down at Megan and back up to me. Her eyes get that twinkle in them again, but this time it's for better reason.

"What? How did you? When did you? Why didn't you tell me? I would've-"

"It's okay. It was going to be a surprise. I was going to tell you the day you left, on the video there was a picture at the end. With something like 'We love you' and it was a picture of me in front of the house. I had her on April 4th, so she's almost 2 months now."

"You're amazing. Why didn't you tell me before I left. I wouldn't have gone until they absolutely needed me."

"Because it wasn't the right way to tell you. Plus, I wanted to be able to see your face when I told you too."

"Still Ali, I would've never left. Where did you find the sperm donor? Because damn she sure looks a lot like me."

"That's because she's actually yours. She's a lot like you too. Loves to eat, gets sleepy after she eats, sleeps in the same position as you, has the same smile as you, and another plus..she's a heavy sleeper like you too." Her eyes stare at me again. Her attention completely away from her little bundle in her arms. "I called your old base, found out where your eggs were kept..and I took them. Pretty easy actually."

"You are amazing."

"You said that already." I tease. Her lips meet mine and I can feel her tears finally pour out as they run along my face. Megan forces us to break apart as she starts shifting in Emily's arms.

"Hi baby. Hi little Meg. I'm your other mommy. We both love you so much." Her finger traces along Megan's cheeks and forces a smile out of Megan. Those 2 will be the death of me, they're both so adorable.

AN: Sorry for any confusion from last chapter. Hopefully it's all cleared up now! I'll be on break now for over a month, so updates may become more frequent! Thanks for all the love and support! Hope you enjoyed.


	39. Chapter 39

I wake up to piercing screams and Alison trying to peel her tangled body from mine. I put my hands on her shoulder and kiss her cheek.

"I got it. Go back to sleep." I wipe my eyes and gently slip out of the bed. A little after 4 am. This kid is definitely like me. I stumble to her room and pick her up. "Come on Lil Meg. Are you hungry? Let's go get a bottle, mama has to go into work at 7."

After I feed her a bottle, she doesn't get sleepy like Alison said she does. She looks at me with wide eyes and a huge smile. Her fingers poke my eyes, pull my hair, and hit my cheeks. She wants to play. I turn the fireplace on and lay on the floor so I can play with her. She likes stuffed animals, as I can tell-she has about 300, so I some out for her to grab onto. It doesn't take long for her to get bored of them, one was almost flung into the fire place. I tickle my girl for a little while and then I flip on my back and rest her on my chest. My eyes become heavy and I eventually succumb to my own tiredness. It didn't last though, what seems like minutes later she tugs at my hair. Which actually really hurts.

"Let's go for a walk. Hopefully that puts you to sleep." I pick her up and bring her upstairs into her room. I decide to change her diaper before changing her clothes and bundling up for good measure. I grab my phone and headphones and grab the stroller and buckle her in. I went on my long route, as it was a beautiful morning and Megan was still awake after an hour or so of walking. I wanted to make it back home in time to wish Alison good luck at work, but I guess Megan has other plans for me.

I finally get her to fall asleep and take her home. By the time I get her tucked away it's already 8:30. This day is going to feel very long. I go back downstairs to grab a bottle of water before taking a shower. A note is left on the kitchen island.

'Thanks for taking care of Megan this morning. I should be home around 5. I'll pick up dinner on my way home. Love you. ❤️'

I jump in the shower and feel relief as the hot water beats down on my body. Thank god I didn't have to make dinner tonight, I probably wouldn't have the energy. How the hell did Alison do this all by herself? It's almost worse too that she had to do everything while she was pregnant. I'm sure the girls helped her out, but still she really had to carry the load. Wow. What a pun.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alison's POV

Ughhh, probably the longest day I had at 'work' in my entire life. I was stuck in meetings almost all day, and had to go over some other stuff about my book. I also got booked to go on the Ellen show, so that'll be pretty cool. Emily and Megan get to come too. It was definitely the highlight of my day. I walk into the house and put dinner on the table. I expected Emily and Megan to greet me at the door or at least be in the living room, but no sign of them.

"Em?" I try to be as quiet as I can, trying to listen for her voice. No answer. "Emily." I start walking around the first floor of the house, looking in every room. They're not down here. "Emily." I walk up the stairs and check Megan's room, nothing. "Em?" I see that our bedroom door is cracked open, so I check our room. They both lay sound asleep on our bed. It's the cutest thing I've ever seen. They're both sleeping in the same position. Emily's arm is hovering Megan, protecting her from falling, and they both have their arm resting by their faces. I snap a quick picture so I can post it on Instagram. This was without a doubt the highlight of my day.

I let them both sleep, as it must've been a long night and day for the both of them. I set our dinner aside, under the heat lamp to keep it warm, so Emily and I can eat together. She always liked to do that. No matter what. Eat together, even if it meant she had to wait until 9:30 to eat. I sat down and put on Grey's Anatomy to help pass the time. Emily will probably force me to rewatch these episodes with me anyway.

After a few episodes, and the last one that had me balling, I turn it off and go get a glass of wine from the kitchen. I didn't even realize that Emily came in the kitchen just moments after I sat down.

"Hey what's wrong?" She asks me, her voice still laced with grogginess.

"Nothing, I was just watching a few episodes of Grey's Anatomy."

"Oh! Okay." She comes over to me and kisses me on the top of my head as her arms caress me. "How was work?"

"Fine." I pull out my phone and load up my Instagram. "Look what made my day today."

"Hmm. A picture of Megan and I. 'Best part of the day: When I get to come home to these two looking like this. Really melts my heart. Can you tell they're related? ❤️' Aww that's actually really cute. When did you get home?"

"Like 3 hours ago or so."

"Wow, I haven't taken that long of a nap in a long time. We fell asleep at like 1."

"It was a long day for the 2 of you. Come on, let's go eat now."

We share a kiss before heading to the table in the dinning room to eat our meal. I got her favorite, Chinese of course. I could come home to this everyday. An adorable scene of my 2 girls sleeping, a little alone time, and dinner with my lovely wife. All is well in the Fields household.


	40. Chapter 40

This has been probably the second longest week of my life. My little sweet pea has kept me up for what feels like forever each day. Alison has been in Philly everyday this week for her book, so it's been a hectic week for me to say the least. Alison has been driving back and forth all week but she has tomorrow, Friday, off through the weekend. I'm going over to Hanna's, seeing I haven't seen her house since she moved back here, and it'll give Alison some much needed time with Megan. Tonight is supposed to be a night for Alison and I, so my goal today is to tire Megan out so she passes out for the night. Going to the park and then giving her a bottle when we get home will probably do the trick.

Every time I'm in the park with Megan I get comments about how cute she is and how much of a little heart breaker she's going to be. It's kind of ironic. Alison broke my heart years and years ago, and then we both destroyed each other's not all that long ago. I think we're both going to make sure doesn't do that to everyone, we both know how much it hurts. When I finally get us home, I decide to play with her for a bit before giving her a bottle and then putting her down. Playing usually consists of her slobbering all over my hands and tickling, but she does love it. I feel like I always tire myself out more than I tire sweet pea out. I change her diaper, change her into the little army onesie that I bought her, turn on Grey's Anatomy as I plop down on the couch.

It only takes her a couple minutes to finish the whole bottle. She really is like me. I change our positions, so that she can lay on my chest, she always tends to fall asleep faster that way.

"You miss mama too sweet pea? Me too. She'll be here when you wake up. And you get to spend all day with her tomorrow! But I need you to go to sleep so I can spend some time with mama before I go to auntie Hanna's tomorrow." Before I knew it she was sound asleep, and unfortunately so was I.

The smell and sound of food being made finally woke me up. Megan was no longer laying on top of me, a blanket has replaced her. The tv has been shut off, and the fire place is turned on. That only means one thing, that my wife is home. I'm very tired, the smell of food and warmth are making it hard for me to stay awake. Before I succumb to another nap Alison's voice stops me.

"Emily." She gives my arm a shove. "Wake up, it's time to eat."

"Hmm. Give me 2 minutes." I plead. I rub my tired eyes and look straight into her icy blue eyes. "Good afternoon Mrs. Fields." A huge smile plasters across Alison's face. She grabs my hands and tugs at them, to try and get me to get up. I lay limp as she tries tugging me off the couch.

"Come on. I have a surprise for you." She keeps tugging me forward and I finally give in. She smiles knowing that she'd won, and leads me into the dining room. All set out on full display, my favorite meal. Steak with alfredo and garlic bread. The table is set with a burning candle and a bottle of wine. "And, half baked in the freezer for desert."

"What did I do to deserve this? Because I need to make you this happy all the time!" I would've been happy with a frozen pizza, but this is amazing and probably the best surprise I've ever received.

"You deserve it all the time. It's just a thank you for the past week. You've taken on basically everything with Megan, which I would obviously like to help with but I can't right now, you get Megan every single night, and still cook me breakfast before work, and you aren't irritated with me. I've seen how frustrated you get and I know that it's not easy taking care of her. Soooo thank you."

Alison's POV

Dinner was nice. Of course Emily had to ask how work was, but I really didn't even want to talk about work. I would've rather heard about her day. I love the way she smiles when she talks about her days with Megan. When she calls her sweet pea my heart basically quadruples in size, she so cute when she gets passionate about something.

After diner I draw a bath for us so that we can both have a little relaxing time. Emily forces me to sit in between her legs so she can thank me for tonight. She rubs my shoulders while kissing my neck.

"Thank you, for tonight. It was perfect." She whispers in my ear.

"Who said the night was over?" I turn around to face her and wrap my legs around her torso. Her breath hitches and her hands move to my waist as I kiss her neck.

"A-Ali I-" I shut her up by kissing her. Our tongues dance together and my hands roam her body rapidly, like it's the first time I've been with her like this. Her hand darts down to my core and I grind my hips against her hand. I need more contact with her, I desire it. Her fingers work deep inside me while her thumb rubs my clit. I keep moaning in her mouth as our lips stay connected. I want nothing more than to scream her name. My body starts shaking uncontrollably and I've never felt better in my entire life. After I come down from my high I look straight into her eyes.

"I'm gonna fuck you senseless Emily Fields."

My fingers ram inside her, making her instantly whimper. I tease her weak spot with a few flicks of my finger making her squirm underneath me. I suck on her pulse point on her neck knowing that it makes her weak. My thumb plays with her clit and she stars yelling my name so cover her mouth with my hand that was playing with her breasts. Her body squirms against me and her legs tighten around my fingers. I thrust my fingers harder and faster into her, making sure my thumb comes into contact with her sensitive bud each time. It only takes less than a minute longer before she comes undone.

"I'm gonna sleep like a baby tonight babe." She mumbles against my lips. I get out of the tub and throw my rob on and hand Em hers.

"I'm gonna go check on Megan, meet you in bed?"

"Mhm."

When I reach the nursery I find that Megan is still sleeping and I don't want to wake her for a feeding. I guess I'll just live with her waking me up at 3 in the morning. I reach into the crib and kiss her head goodnight. When I get back to our room, Emily is already sprawled out and asleep. I slip into bed next to her and jump when I hear her voice call to me.

"Ali?" She mumbles so sleepily. I turn to face her, only to find her eyes closed.

"Yeah Em?"

"Has your dad came to see you? Or Megan?"

"N-No. I've talked to him...but I haven't seen him since..before Josh and I broke things off."

"Hmmm." She grumbles and doesn't say anything for a few minutes. I figure she actually fell asleep now. "Why...doesn't he want...to see his grandchild and his daughter?"

"I-I don't know. He's busy I guess."

"He lives here though Ali. He didn't come...to our wedding."

"Yeah but-"

"Trick him."

"What? Emily it's fine."

"Tell him you want to meet for lunch before we leave Sunday for LA. Let me talk to him." I don't know if I should let her. What if he lashes out against Emily. I don't want her to blame herself for anything. I don't think that it's worth it, but she could also change his mind. I speak up after a few silent minutes.

"Em." I stroke her hair. "I don't know if it's the best idea to do that. Don't you think we should get to the airport early enough. I don't want you to blindside my dad and then him get mad and not talk to me at all. That would be worse. But I don't know...I really want him to meet Megan, because I know he'd love her. Maybe it wouldn't hurt? Yeah. You're pretty persuasive. I'll set it up for 11:30. Is that okay?" Emily's answer is her snore. She probably fell asleep right after she finished talking. "Goodnight love." I kiss her lips sweetly, and roll over to face the other side of the room. Her arm slings over me like it always does. I can't fall asleep though, all I can think about is the intense scene that will be Emily and my dad talking.

AN: I just wanted to say a quick thank you to those who have left reviews. Your words are encouraging and inspiring and honestly make me want to keep writing these chapters for YOU!:) Also I wanted to say sorry for getting this chapter out so late, I've been busy and I didn't want it to seem like last chapter was the end! Hope you enjoyed! Until next time:)


	41. Chapter 41

The day with Hanna has turned into a shit show. Here we are drinking the night away and trashing her house. Every time I drink with Hanna we always end up having heart to hearts which ends up being the both of us crying and eating junk food. This time was no different. In the middle of our splurge my phone starts to ring and the ID reads Alison.

"Hellloooo."

"Hi Em. How's it going?"

"Ohhh it's going goooood. We're eating ice cream!"

"Emily Catherine Fields! Are you drunk?"

"No."

"Somehow, I don't believe you. Anyways..I just wanted to let you know that my dad confirmed plans for Sunday at 11:30 at our house. I'll let you talk to him on your own."

"Oh. Okay! Sounds great babe. Love you bye." My cue to eating more ice cream.

SUNDAY

I sit at the end of the chair with my hands folded covering my mouth and my leg bouncing on the floor. To say I'm nervous is an understatement. Why was Alison so hesitant to let me talk to her dad? Why wouldn't he show up for his daughter? A knock at the door interrupts my thoughts. I take a deep breath to collect myself before opening the door to face him.

"Hello Mr. DiLaurentis." I greet him with a smile and gesture for him to take a seat on the couch.

"Oh. Hi Emily. Where's Alison, we were supposed to meet for lunch."

"Actually, it's just you and me. I wanted to talk to you."

"Oh well..."

"How come you don't visit Alison and the baby? She's like to see you more often."

"I've just been busy with work."

"That's bullshit sir. I know how work goes. You didn't come to the wedding, and you seem to only visit her when I'm gone. And you haven't visited since Megan was born...why is that?"

"It's because of you!" He screams at me. Apparently I've hit a sensitive spot.

"Because of me? How is it-"

"Because your no good for her! I've never liked you, you know. And with recent events..it only proves that I'm right. You are unstable, she's told me about your little 'episodes' and your drinking problem. YOU'RE ONE TRAUMA AWAY FROM A MENTAL HOSPITAL. You're a ticking time bomb! How do you expect someone to be happy dealing with that?! Ever since you came into her life you've cause her nothing but PAIN. SHE CAN'T SEE THAT YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT! I have no idea why my daughter fell for you and your tricks but she deserves BETTER THAN YOU!" Ouch. God damnit.

"You're right-"

"You're damn right, I'm right! I'm her father! I know what's best for her! And you are NOT it! How could you make her happy? How could you force her to leave a relationship that she was happy in?! She's special, and she DESERVES to be WORSHIPED. SHE DESERVES TO FEEL SPECIAL, TO BE TREATED SPECIAL. YOU CANT MAKE ANYONE FEEL SPECIAL! YOU CAN ONLY MAKE PEOPLE FEEL SORRY FOR YOU!" Okay..I've tried to be cool, for Alison's sake...but I've downright lost it. He doesn't know anything about her..or me!

"Yes, you're right. She deserves better. She deserves the best. But you know what? She is happy with me. She's happy with the way things are! My 'episodes' continue to get better everyday! But there was a time when she could've left me, BUT SHE DIDN'T! YOU KNOW WHY? I. MAKE. HER. HAPPY. I may not be the best, I have my problems, BUT I GIVE HER AND MEGAN EVERYTHING I HAVE!"

"YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH! My daughter needs someone who she can rely on day in and day out. ESPECIALLY WITH A KID! How is she supposed to trust YOU to be alone with that baby?"

"BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME!"

"I don't see how anyone could love you! I don't even see why people are your friend, they must do it out of pity!"

"Well she LOVES me, and I love her more than anything in the WORLD, and I would do anything for HER and MEGAN!"

"THEN DIVORCE HER!"

"WHAT?!"

"Can't you fucking hear? DIVORCE HER!"

"NO! That would ruin not only her, but also Megan! That wouldn't help at all."

"I KNOW MY DAUGHTER, AND SHE'D BE FINE. EVERYONE WOULD'VE BEEN BETTER OFF IF YOU'D HAVE DIED! THEY SHOULD'VE LET YOU DIE!"

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA! YOU'RE NOT HER FATHER, BY ANY MEANS! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE AND CARE FOR HER NO MATTER WHAT! BUT I DON'T SEE YOU DOING THAT, YOU ARE A DISGRACE!" Whap. His fist collides with my left cheek, dropping me to the ground.

"DON'T YOU DARE EVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN. I AM A BETTER PERSON THAN YOU'LL EVER BE!"

And with that he walks out of the house. I can't even tell if that went terrible or god awful. I've probably made things worse, and now he probably won't ever talk to Ali again. I've fucked everything up again. She really does deserve somebody better than me. She deserves someone who doesn't have a peanut brain. Maybe he was right, everybody would be better off if I were dead. I need a drink. I can't, I'd disappoint Ali, and then she's probably leave me. Why, why can't I do anything right? Why couldn't I be a normal person? Why do I even bother to exist anymore if I'm useless? Why is Ali even with me? Because she loves you dummy. No. Because she feels bad for you. She feels like she needs to help you get past everything, all your problems, and all your fears. Then she's going to dump you.

Hanna's POV

I pause Netflix as the sound of my phone interrupts me of watching The Walking Dead. Emily. Well jeez that was quick, either she wants to hang out again, or it's Ali about to bitch at me for the state Emily and I were in the past 2 days.

"Hey Em! When are you leaving for LA? I'm so excited to watch you guys in the Ellen show!"

"Would you miss me if I died?" She asks in a brittle voice. I can tell she was crying before, and she's on the verge again.

"What? Of course I would! You're my best friend. I'd miss you like crazy! Where's this coming from?"

"Do you think Alison would miss me?" Her voice becomes even softer.

"She'd miss you the most Em."

"Don't you think everything would be better off and easier if I was dead though?" What the hell? What happened? Yesterday she was beaming about her perfect little family and how she was finally starting to feel happy again. I better text Ali and tell her to get to Emily before she does anything stupid.

"No. Everything would be harder Em. Where are you? Let me come talk to you so I can tell you why Alison and I would miss you."

"No! I don't want you guys to see me like this. It'll be better if you remember me how you've been."

"Emily, Alison and I love you. Where are you? Let me talk you out of whatever it is you plan on doing."

"It's okay. You guys can help each other after I'm gone."

"No Emily! Alison and I wouldn't be able to live without you. And neither would your daughter. Now, where are you?"

"The attic of my house."

To Ali: MEET ME AT YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW! EMILY'S IN TROUBLE, BRING MEGAN. Trust me.

"Okay, I'm coming to see you okay. Don't hang up on me now. Okay?" Silence. Shit. Emily Fields, you better not do anything stupid before we get there.


	42. Chapter 42

Alison's POV

The whole 10 minute drive to our house I'm just praying to god that Emily will be okay when I get there. My heart is pounding out of my chest and my hands are clammy. Hanna needs her to be okay. Megan needs her to be okay. _I_ need her to be okay. I throw the car in park, get Megan out of the car, and sprint in the house. I scream for Hanna and Emily, and I find Hanna at the bottom of the stairs to the attic. Megan starts crying from all my yelling, and it's making my stress level increase with each cry.

"Hanna! Why the fuck aren't you up there with her?!" She turns to me with red puffy eyes and tears falling down her face. At the sight my knees go weak and my heart drops. I can hear it actually break. Tears start flowing down my face, and I fall on my knees to the floor. Oh god. What am I going to do? How am I even going to look at Megan? She looks so much like Emily, it will literally crush me everyday.

"Sh-she's fine. Well, not fine, b-but not d-dead. You-you should go talk to her." Hanna says as she grabs my arm to soothe me. She tugs on my arm to get me up, and once I am up she gives me a little push to the stairs. I go to hand her Megan in the car seat but her hand waves me off. "I think it'd be helpful to have her. She wouldn't talk to me. I think she's having like flashbacks or whatever, and I couldn't snap her out of it."

I can't form any words to say to Hanna. Tears are still flowing down my face and any words I'd be able to say would be incoherent anyway. I nod my head slowly and grab Megan to head up the stairs. When I reach the top of the stairs and catch sight of her, I nearly lose it again. Her body is shaking as she lay across the empty floor. Her eyes are transfixed ahead. They're cold, showing not an ounce of emotion. It kills me to see her like this. She's been doing so much better and now she's going backwards. Out of no where. I set Megan's car seat on the floor next to me and lay down so my eyes meet with Emily's.

"Emily? It's me. Alison...and Megan. We both..we both love you very much and you're at home with us. Okay? You're okay love." Her eyes flicker between my eyes and the room. She doesn't say anything, her eyes just rapidly scanning the room and me.

"Ali?" She asks, her voice sounds so broken.

"Yeah, it's me." I reply, and by the time I finish my sentence her arms are wrapped tightly around me and her head is buried into my chest. I can hear her sobs and her shaking continues. I hold her tight to help try and soothe her. "It's okay, let it out." It's seems like we lay like this for hours, but eventually her crying stops and so does the shaking. "You scared me to death."

"I'm sorry." She mumbles out, her words muffled by my body.

"It's okay." I kiss the top of her head, causing her to look up at me.

"I don't want you here because you feel sorry for me." She breathes out.

"I'm not here because I feel sorry for you, I'm here because I love you. I love you so much it scares me. I love you even when I'm pissed at you and even when I shouldn't have." Her eyes just stare into mine, more tears are on the brink of falling from her eyes. "What happened?" I ask cautiously. She shifts away from my arms to sit up and her eyes lock onto Megan, avoiding my own.

"Your dad's right. You can't trust me with her alone. He was right about everything. He-"

"Wait. My dad? My fucking dad did this to you?!" I'm going to kill him. "I'm going to call up and cancel the interview and then you're going to tell me everything my dad said so I can go yell at him."

"No! I'm not disappointing you again, we're going! You can deal with your dad when we come back." She cries out. Her eyes are glossy and sad, they've lost their normal glowing tint to them.

"Emily-"

"Please. I can't keep doing this to you. Please, can we just go?"

"Fine." I can never say no to her, especially when she's like this. I decide to leave Megan with Hanna for the week, so that Emily can have a little less chaos at the moment. We rush to the airport, after we had eaten and gotten a last few minute accessories ready to go, seeing as that took us longer than expected. The flight was quick, and the week flew by too. The interview went great, Ellen really liked my book and she thanked me for bringing Emily with. Emily, on the other hand, has not been herself this trip. Her nightmares are becoming more frequent, which has been every night so far. She seems distant. Like she doesn't talk to me like we always do. It's like she's afraid that I'm going to leave if she says the wrong thing or something.

As much as I hate for her to do it, I think it's time for therapy. I don't really know how to help. Normally if she's going through something she'll at least talk to me. She still hasn't told me what my dad said about her. I swear, I'm actually going to make my dad pay for this.

Once we're at home and I went to go pick up Megan from Hanna's, I place Megan in Emily's lap. She doesn't seem to be afraid of her, she looks normal with her.

"Emily, can I ask you something?" I ask as I sit in a chair adjacent from her spot in the couch.

"Anything princess." She replies as she tears her eyes away from Megan and looks straight into my eyes. My heart instantly flutters at the use of my nickname.

I clear my throat before replying, "Will you...will you uhm..go to therapy?"

"Alison I-"

"Emily," I sign before continuing, "you haven't been yourself all week. You haven't been talking to me and your nightmares have been getting worse."

"I just needed my space to think. I had my time, I'm okay."

"Please babe. I know you hate it, but please."

Her eyes close and she lets out a sigh. Her eyes fall onto Megan when the open and she lets out a small groan. "Okay."

"Thank you babe. I need you to tell me what my dad said too. When you're ready of course."

AN: Sorry for the long wait, I've been busy with family during the holidays. Hope you all had a good Christmas, and I hope you're all safe tonight! Happy holidays, and see you next time!


End file.
